Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Retired at age 33

Today was my last day of work at Doggie Empawrium. For those of you who are unfamiliar with D.E., it is a store that sells dog food, supplies, and treats in Columbia, Missouri. I was the "Token Male" there for two and a half years. I was the only man to work among the 12 or so women (mostly college girls) who were employed during that stretch of time. Let's get this straight...I quit a job where I worked with cute college girls and got to play with dogs every day? And they paid me for it?! What the Hell was I thinking?! Well, since I am fortunate enough to have a wife with a stronger work ethic than mine, I get to stay at home with my son and play with him and my dogs, cats, and goats everyday. "Did he just say goats?" Tomorrow is the first official day of my retirement. Yes, it is only a temporary retirement that will end when Alex goes to school in about one year, three months. But I plan to enjoy it now while I'm still young because I'll probably have to work until I'm too old to enjoy retirement later in life. So, I hereby bid farewell to my friends at D.E. and wish them all the best. I don't know too many guys who are lucky enough to have as many women friends as I do. It was enlightening to hear about the world from their perspective and an honor to be allowed into their lives. I listened as they discussed school, family, boyfriends, and whatever else they were willing to share. I hope they enjoyed our time together as much as I did. But now, I move on. And so begins "The Summer of Travis!" Thank you Bethany for making this possible. I don't know why you put up with me. (Because I'm devilishly handsome?)

This photo was taken circa 1989. Yes, that pre-dates the Urkell Era. Travis Naughton has always been on the cutting edge. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

A Review of Episode III

My life is both complete and empty now that the Star Wars series of movies has concluded. It is complete because there is nothing left to find out about the epic story. Anakin Skywalker goes on to become a librarian. He also becomes director of Habitat for Humanity and helps people rebuild their lives. As he transforms into Darth Vader, Anakin heightens his sense of caring for others and vows to help each downtrodden individual, one starsystem at a time. But my life is empty as well because I know I will never see another new Star Wars movie as long as I live. What else is there to live for, really? Family? Friends? Please! "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Week #3 Contest Winner

Congratulations to the Youngling Taylor for submitting the best quote from a Star Wars movie. "Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?" Master Jedi Kenobi may have been speaking to Han Solo, but he may as well have been referring to the relationship of Master Blogger Travis to his followers who participate on this site. Anyway, good job Taylor, your can of Spam is forthcoming. As I write this I realize that you are at the midnight showing of the final episode. Enjoy.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

La Plata Boy's Judgement Clouded by Dark Side

In a sinister plot to manipulate the Galactic Senate into awarding him the prize for best Star Wars quote, (Week #3 Blog Challenge), Darth Taylor Naughton, a.k.a. Fun-gi, submitted 30 quotes from the Saga. Therefore, I used my "Force Delete" power to eradicate this Phantom Menace. I had to remove the entire post because deleting each quote one at a time would require my computer to make the jump to hyperspace. (Chewie is trying to fix the hyperdrive generator as we speak). Brother Blake and SherryAnn had each submitted acceptable quotes, but they became caualties in this war of good versus evil. Again I ask all of you to post your favorite quote (note the word is not "quotes", Sith Lord Taylor) from any Star Wars film. The winner will be announced May 19, the opening night of Episode III, Revenge of the Sith. May the Force be with you. And Taylor, as Sebulba said to Anakin on the eve of their contest, "You're Bantha Fodder!"

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Somethin' ain't right with that boy. Posted by Hello

It feels so good to give

Operation Bachelor Party went surprisingly well this past weekend. Of course, what happens at the bachelor party- stays at the bachelor party. Let's just say, not that many laws were broken. And due to our involvement with the Lion's Club Golf Tournament at Eagle Knoll, the nine members of our party who golfed contributed over $700 to charity. So I figure that our bad deeds were negated by our good ones. I hope that Grant enjoyed his big weekend and that Brenda knows that I had absolutely nothing to do with any of it. I was at the library reading to blind orphans the whole time.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Morality and Bachelor Parties

This weekend the town of Hartsburg, MO will play host to my good friend Grant Barnes' First Annual Bachelor Party. That's right- a weekend filled with gratifying community service and philanthropy mixed with some good old fashioned prayer and Bible reading. Grant's fiance Brenda has approved (without her knowledge) the itinerary for the celebration. Friday evening Bill Herrin, Doug Hurt, Eric Durr, John Briscoe, and myself will be attending a support group meeting for men who are either married, about to be married, or know a man who is married. Items on the evening's agenda include giving lots of hugs, crying lots of tears, and watching lots of chic flicks on Lifetime Television. The evening will conclude with Bill Herrin (the Best Man) conducting a clinic on the dangers of "traditional bachelor party activities" so that we will know what to avoid.

The sunshine of Saturday morning will offer, along with a few fleeting moments to reflect upon how fortunate we married men are, an opportunity to sing the praises of marriage to whomever will listen while we golf at Eagle Knoll Golf Course. This Golf Digest 5-Star rated course will be the perfect venue for spreading good cheer to all those who feel blessed to be alive like us at 7-freakin'-thirty in the morning. Did I mention that we will be trying to recover from the all-night shuffleboard and beer drinking tournament at Grant's house Friday night?! Did I mention Bill Herrin will be there?! Come on people- wake the hell up! Golf at 7:30 in the morning after that?! How in the world are we supposed to survive 'till the end of 18 freakin' holes of golf much less make it 'till the "mimes, jugglers, and clowns" show up at my house that night?! I don't suppose anyone thought to cancel the 16 gallon keg that I ordered because by then Eric Durr will have had his underwear on his head long enough for everyone to sober up and swear to quit drinking or poke out their eyeballs-whichever is less painful! Who's idea was this anyway?! Grant Barnes- this is your fault. You need to take a long look in the mirror my friend. You need to ask yourself if this is all worth it. Eric Durr naked? Come on- you should have eloped.

Week #2 Contest Winner and Losers

Okay people. I get it. You do not wish to participate in a meaningful, philosophical discussion. My mother is the winner this week, not because her contribution was an earth-shattering revelation affecting the future of civilization as we know it (although she did enlighten us with her justification for NEVER obeying the speed limit). Rather she is the week #2 contest winner because she was the only soul brave enough to put forth an effort to enrich our lives with some intellectual discourse. Therefore, Mommy wins the can of Spam while the rest of you are left to wallow in your own cerebral waste. Happy Mother's Day Mama!

Monday, May 02, 2005


They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Posted by Hello

Week #2 Challenge

Thanks again for making week #1 of "Big Thoughts- Little Man" the most exciting event in the history of The World Wide Web. Well, maybe not as exciting as seeing Janet Jackson's blurred out boob, but close! This week I am posing a question for you to answer. Although you won't be graded on this, the most compelling answer will win a prize. Your question is: Is breaking the law immoral? Phrased another way- is it morally wrong to break the law? Please use examples to explain or justify your answer. This blog is designed for entertainment purposes, but there's no harm if it can give your brain a little exercise between laughs. So post those answers and stay tuned to find out which of you has what it takes to be a philosopher like me (translation: unemployed).