Thursday, June 30, 2005

Why Paul Grew up to be a Violent Farmer


Poor Paulie! If bagging you up for a trip to the ice cream parlor was your mother's idea of Summer Fun, then its no wonder you turned out the way you did. Did she have the bag because she was afraid you or the ice cream would leak on the way home? If this is a suggestion for what I could do in my Summer of Travis, (it does look like fun), then please tell me where I could buy a Chinese baby. Do they come in bags or do I need to bring my own?

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tom Sawyer Days


There once lived a more talented and prolific writer than even I, who hailed from the same hometown, Hannibal, Missouri. You may have heard of this Mark Twain dude. He wrote some books and stuff. One story was about this kid who did some stuff. Another was about this kid and his bud, and some stuff they did. I think there was something about a river or something. Anyway, Mark Twain didn't have TV to distract him like I do. If he would have had a satellite dish, I'm sure the best he could have come up with would have been a crappy blog like this. The point is, I will be in that historic community this weekend for the world famous Tom Sawyer Days Celebration. There will be the Tom Sawyer & Becky Thatcher look-alike contests, fence painting, frog jumping, mud volleyball, and tricycle races to name a few of the crazy goings-on. I for one enjoy watching people make fools of themselves in public. That explains why I have the friends that I do. Wherever you go this Fourth of July Weekend, I promise you will not see as many white-washed, mud-covered, straw hat wearing, drunken, frog molesting rednecks on tricycles as I will. Thank you Mark Twain for fostering an enviornment that encourages this kind of behavior. It may not be what you had in mind for the future of the sleepy little river town you exposed the world to in your famous books, but I think you would be proud to know that absolutely nothing has changed in the 120 years since you left. Well, there is a beer garden downtown these days. I guess you can call that progress! http://www.hannibaljaycees.org/tomsawyer.htm

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Roger's Photo Contest Submission


Roger's daughter Willa demonstrates the proper way to have fun in the sun. Well done!

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer


Well, I hope you all are not permanently scarred from viewing my picture with the goats. It simply was done to illustrate how much fun in the sun is too much fun in the sun. Is it wrong that my four year old took the picture? Keep those comments and e-mailed pictures coming. By the way, click on the link to Bill Herrin's blog and leave him your comments encouraging him to further develop his blog. You think I have a twisted mind!? Wait'll ya get a load a Bill!

Monday, June 27, 2005


Don't forget to submit a Summer Fun Photo for my contest. (This photo works for Paulie's Eyepatch Photo Contest as well!) Posted by Hello

Friday, June 24, 2005


Doug Hurt sent this picture for the Summer Fun Photo Contest. Although he does not appear in this photo, it represents the frustration he and most other men have with women stealing their manhood. Not this summer!!! Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Big Fun Photo Contest


Once again I "borrow" an idea from Paul's Blog. He currently is running a photo contest on his site searching for the best picture of someone or something wearing an eyepatch. I have a picture in my head of two goats, a bottle of rum, and me wearing an eyepatch and cowboy boots. I don't know if the world is ready for that to become reality, though. For my photo contest I would like people to e-mail me pictures of them enjoying a summertime activity that would inspire me to do the same. Since this is "The Summer of Travis", I feel that I could use some ideas for things to do during the first summer of my retirement. The person submitting the best picture will receive a can of SPF 30 Spam. Good Luck. Send submissions to travisnaughton@hotmail.com

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Summer of Travis Officially Begins

As I previously declared, this is the Summer of Travis. Today is the first official day of summer and I feel that I am off to a very good start. In the past month since I announced my retirement I've gone fishing about a dozen times (and caught fish on all but one of those occasions). I've seen the new Star Wars movie twice. I went to a minor league baseball game with friends. I went on a week's vacation with my beautiful wife, our friends, and family to Mexico. I have spent almost every day with the funniest 4 year old kid who ever lived. I have watched an unnatural amount of Nascar races and Cardinals games on TV. I went skinnydipping. I was in my best friend's wedding. I bonded with my brothers and father while fixing up Dad's old boat. I have witnessed my mom getting a new career, a new car, and a new lease on life. I watched Bill Herrin cradle his infant son and leave a wedding reception first, instead of watching someone drag him out last. I hosted a bachelor party that resulted in zero arrests and plenty of great (if not blurry) memories. I golfed at Eagle Knoll- a four star course. I played a round of disc golf with my son. I got a brand new set of poker chips for being in Grant and Brenda's wedding. I got to watch my poker buddy Paulie kill in his debut at Deja Vu Comedy Club. I started this blog. I survived a lightning strike. If it ended today, I could rightfully claim to have had a very fulfilling summer. But instead, today is just the first day of summer! I'm not bragging or anything. I just hope to inspire you all to enjoy your summer as much as possible. I know that I may never have it this good again, so I better damn well take advantage of it. Those are words we can all live by. But I'm still calling it "The Summer of Travis"!!!!

Monday, June 20, 2005


Happy Father's Day! (I've created a monster!!!) Posted by Hello

Father's Day Review

For me, every day is Father's Day. Yesterday was simply the day we officially recognize the contributions of the male parental unit. Did you know that this was the 33rd year the holiday has been celebrated? I just happen to be 33 years old, so my dad has been an honoree every year that the holiday has existed. That's a lot of neckties, hats, English Leather cologne, and toys bought for myself under the guise of calling them gifts for Dad. In the past few years, a phone call is usually all Dad gets from me (he has enough stuff in storage already). I hope that call means as much to him as it does to me. Its a chance to say thanks for being my dad, and that I appreciate all that you have done for me.

I know that my family appreciates me. Bethany and Alex gave me a great Father's Day this year. As they drove to the grocery store to buy ingredients for my special breakfast, I walked over to the neighbor's pond and caught a couple of fish. When they returned I was treated to pancakes, eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and a tall, chocolate milk served in my Superman glass. After breakfast, I read all the "cars for sale" papers that they picked up at the store for me that they know I like to gloss over and daydream about. Later, we dropped Alex off at my mom's and went to watch Star Wars. Bethany and her mom hadn't seen it yet and they didn't have to twist my arm too hard to get me to see it again. After the movie, we picked out a new TV to replace the one that died in our bedroom a few weeks ago. Then we went to the new catfish restaurant in Ashland to cap off the day with some deep-fried Americana. Not a bad day for Dear-Old-Dad! To top it all off, my mom bought me a toaster oven to make being a stay at home dad a little easier. Thanks for my great day everybody.





Saturday, June 18, 2005

Paul and the Violent Farmers Hit the Big Time

What can I say about Friday night's performance by Paulie at Deja Vu that can do it justice? Well, as I told Paul after his set ended, "I feel like I need to take a shower." Filthy. Hilarious. I Laughed. I cried. It was much better than "Cats". I'll go to see it again and again. Seriously, great show Paul. For those of you who were not lucky enough to catch the show I will attempt to describe it for you. Paul sings bitter, outrageous, love songs that he wrote when he was drunk. (Those of you under 21 years of age are not encouraged to copy this behavior! Karah! Taylor!) If its true that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, then we should thank that woman for torturing Paul's poor soul and inspiring his music. Hell hath no funny like a Paul scorned! With songs like "Drunk Girl", "The Most Beautiful Thing in the World", and the "Trucker Song" Paul takes listeners on a funny and disgusting journey as they follow along in the depraved yet romantic shadows of his twisted mind. I am inspired by your art, Paul. Afterall, it was after reading your blog that I decided to start my own. I doubt that I will start singing drunken love songs, but nevertheless, I do have a lot of spare time on my hands...(Cue evil laugh now.)

Thursday, June 16, 2005

New Look- Same Great Taste

Greetings devoted followers. I hope you enjoy the new look. I changed templates for my blog in order to add a links column. If any of you have a link that you feel is worthy of being added to my Pulitzer Prize non-winning page, then please e-mail it to me or post it with your comments. If you have any photos related to topics discussed on this page, feel free to e-mail those as well. I may post them if they are up to the high level of standards previously attained by this publication. This is an audience participation site, so get crackin'.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Avoiding Mexican Jail Contest Winner

Congrats to my friend Paul "The Violent Farmer" Shields on winning this week's contest for submitting the best advice for staying out of Mexican jail. His grandmother told him that flashing your boobs will keep you out of trouble. Well, all we had to do was get Bill Herrin to show his "man-boobs" to the security folks and they literally looked the other way whenever we needed them to. Thanks for the tip Paul. Your can of Spanish Spam is on its way. Maybe I will bring it to Deja Vu Friday night when I catch your act. (Check out Paul's web site at iwrotethiswheniwasdrunk.com)

We did have a great time while in the Mayan Riviera. We stayed at a four-star, all-inclusive resort with a staff population the size of a small town who treated us like VIP's. The wedding of our friends Grant and Brenda was beautiful as it was within feet of the ocean. Their families and friends who attended used the ceremony as an excuse to have second honeymoons while Grant and Brenda enjoyed their first. Thanks to the newlywed Mr. and Mrs. Barnes for bringing us all together for such a great time. (It was the Naughtons who brought you two together afterall.)

Check out all the pictures I posted from the trip. I may add more at a later time. Enjoy!

Beauty and the Beach in Cancun, Mexico. Posted by Hello

Montezuma exacts his revenge upon the best man, Bill "It's Not Easy Being Me" Herrin after the wedding. (The quart of sweat that soaked through his clothing didn't show in the picture because it made his garments a uniformly darker color.) Posted by Hello

Mr. and Mrs. Barnes pretend to listen to the minister during their lovely beachfront wedding (the reason we were in Mexico). Posted by Hello

Bethany and I enjoy one more moment in the sun before leaving Mexico. Posted by Hello

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Wasting Away in Margaritaville

I will be on the beach in Cancun, Mexico by noon on June 9. I will not leave that spot until June 13. I am sure that it will take a small band of Mexican Federales to remove me from that spot. And even then, I may not leave (I hear they take bribes). Your week #4 contest is to submit suggestions on how to avoid wasting away in a Mexican prison after wasting away in Margaritaville for 5 days. The winner will receive a delicious can of Spam with Taco Seasoning. Call the American Embassy if you wake up some morning thinking, "Gee, I haven't heard from Travis in a while."

Friday, June 03, 2005


Travis enjoys hanging out with the new friend he made since retiring this week. "He has the most beautiful brown eyes," one of them was overheard saying. Posted by Hello