Sunday, July 31, 2005

Career Advice Contest Winner


"THIS IS GOD SPEAKING TO YOU, QUIT SCHOOL AND BECOME A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER." This is the winning submission for my Career Advice Contest. Bill Herrin, my roommate in college, shouted this to the ROTC guys as they jogged past our dorm room at 6:00 in the morning everyday. Although I am not a golfer, and I am no longer in school, I will still award Bill with the delicious can of Spam (to match your T-Shirt). Good job, Bill.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Serenity Now!


Maybe I should study Zen or Yoga or just take longer naps. I don't know. I do know that I am wound way too tight lately for an unemployed man whose wife works two jobs while he stays home with the kid and does the housework. Oh, and did I mention she told me that I can stop shaving? In fact, she insisted. She actually likes my whiskers. How can I possibly be stressed? I'm living the dream, right? Maybe I stay at home too much. I do a lot of chores. I spend a lot of time vacuuming dog hair from every surface in the house. I spend a lot more time yelling at Alex to quit doing whatever the heck he's doing at the time that could get him hurt, killed or arrested. Socrates said that everything should be done in moderation. Every excess becomes a vice. Is it possible that I spend too much time at home with my four year old? Am I the opposite of a dead-beat dad? Can spending too much time with your kid be as bad as not spending enough time with him? All I know is that he and I seem to argue more often than we agree and that I get a little worked up by the end of the day. I think that I may even be a little hard for Bethany to come home to after a long hard day working at one of her six or seven jobs. So from now on I will endeavor to become more patient, more understanding, and less cranky than I have been lately. I will be a kinder, gentler Travis. I will think before I react. I will control my temper. I will appreciate how lucky I am. I will be happier. I will have "Serenity Now!" (Or insanity later.) Thank you Frank Costanza, Lloyd Braun, and Cosmo Kramer for inspiring me to make myself a better man.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

The Return of "Barney MacNaughton"


A few years ago, Grant Barnes and myself started brewing our own beer. We did a pretty good job of it, too. The label was "Barney MacNaughton Beer". Grant later took the brewing supplies with him when he moved to Hannibal a couple of years ago, so the brewery closed down. Grant and Brenda (his lovely new bride) began making "B&B Winery" vintages with the supplies. Now, following their return to Columbia and with all that wedding stuff out of the way, Grant got the itch to brew some beer. After visiting with a supplier in Jeff City, Grant had an epiphany. We can bypass the time-consuming bottling process by putting our beer in kegs! Apparently, a five gallon keg kit is available at a reasonable price that we can purchase in order to bring our quality brew back to the faithful and thirsty patrons of our beer making enterprise. OK, so that basically is just Grant and me, but we do intend to distribute our forthcoming batches to the masses in the near future. We intend on having 5 to 10 gallons of delicious "Barney MacNaughton Beer" at the ready for each and every Mizzou home football game this season. That's right sports fans- tailgate season is just around the corner. Whether you desire to watch the actual games or not, plan now on attending our tailgate parties. I have a 1976 Chevrolet-one-ton-dually-truck that I personally painted black, adorned with Mizzou decals, door magnets, and various other black and gold regalia and is ready for us to throw a grill, chairs, a football, and a couple of kegs of home brew in the back. So, is it the new tailgate truck or what?! I'm giddy with excitement! Picured above are scenes from tailgates past with my original truck, a 1966 Chevy. (R.I.P.)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Joliet Jake Blues Medical Update


In case you didn't realize it, Joliet Jake is alive and well in Hartsburg MO. Those of you who know Jake will be happy to learn that he had a successful surgical procedure earlier today to restore his boyish good looks. He had a nasty looking growth on his eyelid, but with the help of modern medicine, he has been restored to the damn good looking dog that he once was. Look out ladies- the Jakester is back! He even has his own website! Check it out @ www.dogster.com/?140334.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Career Advice?


Alex will be going to school in a little over a year from now. I guess its time to start thinking about what I'm going to do with my life. I imagine most 33 year olds already know what they are going to do when they grow up. Not me. I am still waiting for inspiration. That's why I am announcing my new contest. Submit your ideas for the "What Travis Should Be If He Grows Up Contest" today. Suggestions will be accepted until July 31 at midnight. I will announce the winner on August 1 and I may even act on your career advice! Even if I choose not to take your advice, the winner will receive one delicious can of Spam wrapped up in a copy of my resume`. I can almost taste the possibilities!

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Perfect Day


Yesterday was among the most productive days in the Summer of Travis. While Bethany worked at her second job, Alex and I stayed home. I watched Tiger Woods win his 10th Major Championship, the British Open, Chris Carpenter throw his fourth complete game shutout of the year to give the Cardinals a 13 game lead in the division, and the Nascar Nextel Cup race. From 9:00 to 5:00, I watched sports while periodically checking to make sure that "Mini-Me" wasn't burning down the house or anything. Later, the family went to the Barnes' house for barbeque, beers, and a bonfire. Not a bad day.

Reality sets back in today as I prepare to vacuum, do dishes, fold laundry, take out the trash, and do a little parenting. Speaking of that, where did that kid go?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Piss and Vinegar


I'm full of it. So I've been told. Not necessarily full of sh*t. I believe that I am full of piss and vinegar. I think that means that I possess the hallmarks of any Blarney-lovin', green-blooded Irish lad. Wit, temper, affinity for beer, etc. Lately, I feel my piss & vinegar tank is running low. I feel flat. I need inspiration. I have just the plan. FLOAT TRIP!!!! Plans for the annual pilgrimage to the Upper Meramec River are being made as we speak. I recommend such a trip to anyone feeling like they need a weekend of "Holy Crap I'm glad we left the kid at Grandma's house" debauchery. I will be sure to blog about the experience (if I can remember any of it). So stay tuned for some entertaining, if not hazy details of what transpires on August 5 & 6. In the meantime, feel free to post comments on this site with inspirational accounts of ways you get fired up when you're running on fumes. (Nothing too raunchy please. My little sister reads this blog.) Oh, what the Hell- she is a Naughton afterall!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Breakfast in Bed

Well, the Devil has stepped aside for a while and Alex, my little Angel, is back. After allowing me to sleep in past 9:00 this morning, he treated me to breakfast in bed! Yes, he actually made toast and slathered it with jelly all by himself. Then he brought it to me in bed and we ate it while he let me watch my morning news instead of his cartoons! What a difference a few days make. After a while, we got up and put on some music. Alex recognized the CD as the Blues Brothers and proceeded to dance a jig that would have made Joliet Jake himself proud. And I was mighty proud, too. I suggested that for Halloween this year we should dress up as Jake and Elwood and he said, "You betcha!" I guess having a clone can be pretty cool afterall.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

So You Wish You Were Retired?


I may not have a paying job, but rumors of my care-free unemployment have been greatly exaggerated. It may seem that my beautiful wife works two jobs while I just sit on the couch watching soaps and eating bon-bons all day, but nothing could be further from the truth. How many of you have had to make a living raising a Naughton Boy? Walk a mile in my shoes and you may no longer envy my "retirement". Its true, I enjoy not having to be a part of the rat race anymore. However, I would venture to guess that the past week has been the stress equivalent of two years of pressure-packed work in the "real world". In just two days this past week, my four year old Spawn of Satan fed our fish a year's worth of food in one feeding, played with and talked to a dead bunny like it was his favorite toy, and pissed in not one but both of our dogs' water bowls. (I guess you could say he loves animals to death!) Not stressful enough for you? Try dealing with a virtual clone of yourself full- time! Come on, you remember the Hell you put your parents through.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Photo Contest Winner!

After careful review of the hundreds of entries in the Summer of Travis Photo Contest, I have selected a winning submission. The winning photo captures the essence of summer fun while reminding us all of a simpler, care free time in our own lives. It is, of course, the picture that I posted while announcing this contest of my prodigal son lounging the day away in his kiddie pool. Surely you didn't think you could improve upon perfection did you? For my efforts, I award myself the can of Refreshing SPF-30 Spam. Better luck next time!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Two Cats Fishin'


This is a picture Paul submitted for the Summer Fun Photo Contest showing the keeper that he and I caught in my neighbor's pond.

Friday, July 01, 2005

More Than an Excuse to Blow Stuff Up

Why do we use the most significant day in the history of the western world as an excuse to BBQ, drink beer, and set off explosives? Could we be missing the point? The Revolutionary Patriot and 2nd President John Adams wrote that he hoped people would reverently celebrate Independence Day with parades, fireworks, and other activities from one end of the Nation to the other. He hoped that the tradition would continue as long as the country continued. We still love our fireworks and parades today, but it seems that few of us stop to ponder the reason we do these things on the Fourth of July.

Tyranny is the enemy of all who cherish freedom. Liberty is the enemy of tyrants. Colonists in early America were controlled and oppressed by the British Empire as were many other people around the world. Thousands of brave Colonists rose up against the Empire and paid with their lives to win Freedom for their countrymen. To preserve this Freedom, millions since then have given all to keep America standing as a worldwide model of Democracy and Liberty. How would our Revolutionary War heros react to the mentality that plagues many Americans these days? Namely, many citizens of this country have become ignorant, apathetic, and narrow-minded.

Ignorance is the root of most problems that eat away at the American fabric. Many young people don't know when the Declaration of Independence was written. Many more don't know why. This ignorance of the history of this country and the sacrifices its heroes have made has led to an epidemic of apathy. It seems that very few people care to learn about the history of this great country and its citizens. Consequently, most Americans don't vote because they say they don't care or it doesn't matter who wins. Thousands of Americans died during the Revolutionary War because of who was in power (King George III) and what he did with that power. They wanted to form a country where the citizens had the right to elect their leaders. Men killed and died for that right. And most Americans today take that right for granted. More troubling is the trend toward narrow-mindedness that the citizens of this land have slipped into. America was founded as a place of tolerance. A place where different ideas were not only tolerated, but encouraged. The melting pot that this country was blended ideas, religions, ethincities, and values into the unique image of America that much of the world envied. Today, people tend to think that theirs is the only opinion that counts, that their religion is "right", that their values are "American Values", and that their political beliefs are the correct ones. People in this country are beginning to view the rest of the world in this narrow-minded way as well. Declaring that "If you're not with us, then you're against us" is a dangerous line of thought. Wishing the world were more like us leads to making the world more like us, which seems a lot like the British Empire 's way of controlling the world during the 1700's. When this mentality prevails, Freedom everywhere suffers.

We have become a country where the definition of the American Dream has changed from a dream of Freedom and better opportunites for our children to a dream of owning more than our neighbor and making him and the rest of the world resent it. Where there is greed and resentment there is strife and conflict. Fading is the memory of a time when Americans looked out for one another in order to make the country stronger. I wonder what John Adams would think of the America of today. On one hand, it is still the greatest country on Earth where the majority of its citizens are good people who merely want what's best for their children. But we must be diligent to prevent it from becoming that which he and the other Heroes of the Revolution fought against- a nation where dissenting opinion is repressed, where people with different beliefs are oppressed, where leaders are born into power, and where Liberty is but a dream. I hope that the Fourth of July means more to Americans than it seems. I fear that as long as we can afford our BBQ's, beer, and fireworks, the real meaning of this holiday will be lost in the ignorance, apathy, and narrow-mindedness that have diminished the sacrifices of our Nation's Heroes who afforded us these luxuries.

Happy Independence Day Everyone,
Travis "Blogger/Patriot" Naughton