Shades of Grey

"Terrell Owens should be banned from football." "Pete Rose should be banned from baseball." " Tookie Williams should be put to death." "George Bush is the anti-Christ." "Quin Snyder is a loser." How many of these statements would you agree with? "Mark McGwire is a great role model for kids." "Brad and Jennifer have the perfect marriage." "The United States war with Iraq is completely justified." How many of these beliefs have you held? My point is that all too often we make the mistake of viewing our world in black and white. We take a stand, hold an opinion, and insist that things are either good or bad. I have made this mistake throughout my life. The more I stop to consider the opposing position, the less certain I am that things are always so cut and dry.

I was among the first to crucify Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens for being a first rate ass when it came to disrupting the chemistry of his football team. Most people believe he is a jerk who doesn't deserve a second or third chance at playing football in the NFL. This week, Lion's cornerback Dre Bly blamed the firing of Coach Mariucci on the pathetic play of quarterback Joey Harrington. He criticized his team's leader in a public manner just as T. O. did a few weeks earlier. Yet no one is calling for his ban from football. Why? Because he's partially right? It shouldn't matter if he is right or not, the statements should never have been made to the press by either player. So are Owens and Bly "bad guys" undeserving of further opportunities in the League? Chicago Bears linebacker Dick Butkis once bit a referee on the nose during a game. Yet he continued to play, was voted to the Hall of Fame, and is often referred to as a hero by his fans. Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to decide that Owens or Bly are good or bad. Maybe they are merely human beings instead of the "heroes" that fans have placed upon pedestals only to be inevitably knocked off of. They have families, work with charities, and have hopes and dreams just like everyone else. Seldom do we pause to consider that whether they are making a big play in a game or an ass of themselves at a press conference they are still just people doing the best they can to make it in this world.

The case of Stan "Tookie" Williams is a poignant example of what I mean by asking, "Is he good or bad?". Williams is the founder of the most notorious street gang in America, the Cryps. He was convicted of four counts of murder in the late 1970's and has been on Death Row ever since. During his time in California's San Quentin Prison, he has become an outspoken anti-gang activist. He has influenced countless young people to stay away from gangs by writing several books cautioning kids against the lifestyle. He has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in preventing kids from destroying lives by joining gangs. He is scheduled to be executed in two weeks.

My point is that all too often, people rush to judgment on a person or situation and stand by that position no matter what. It is my opinion that people are rarely completely good or bad and that their true nature lies somewhere inbetween. Before you rush to judge someone remember that unless you know everything about that person, you probably are in no position to judge their character. "Judge not, lest thee be judged." "Let he who has no sin cast the first stone." I know I'm quick to judge sometimes. Later I usually regret being so sure of myself when I discover that I really didn't have enough information to form such an opinion. Perhaps we could all be less hasty to condemn or idolize and more diligent in our search for the real nature of people. What do you think?

Old Years Resolutions

It isn't too early to start pondering New Year's Resolutions for 2006. Most of us think of one or two of them while our brains turn to mush as the New Year's Eve Parties get going. Few of us take the time to really think about what we want to accomplish in the New Year. Fewer still actually write down their resolutions and periodically refer to them to monitor their progress. In recent years, I have written mine and have managed to accomplish many of them. My list for 2005 reads as follows:

1. "Eat smaller portions." I think I did a pretty good job of this one. Of course I allowed myself occasional "Belly up to the trough" style pizza binges. Thanksgiving and other holidays are automatic exemptions. So I would say that on a scale of 1 to 10 on how well I did with this resolution I would give myself a 7.

2. "Drink only 'light' beer and 'diet' soda." This was the companion resolution to #1 with the goal of limiting my caloric intake. It was tough going from tasty dark beers to watered down lights, but I think it was a good idea. Compliance rating: 9.

3. "Walk or exercise 2 to 3 times per week." I was doing really well on this one until a bolt of lightning hit our house and killed our treadmill. I was running 30 or more minutes a day 3 or 4 days a week at my peak. Then Mother Nature intervened and I slowed my level of physical activity to pre- 2005 levels. Success rating: 5.

4. "Build a treehouse, clubhouse, or moonshine shack." Let's just say, the year ain't over yet...

5. "Be a more patient father and husband." I read a parenting book this year that showed me how better to handle my son when he acts inappropriately, which was a major source of stress and patience worn thin at our house. It simply suggested pretending that my son is an alien from another planet. You wouldn't expect an alien to behave appropriately according to earth customs in every situation he is presented with. You wouldn't scream at an Alien in Walmart if he threw a fit at the checkout counter because he wanted a piece of candy. You would simply explain that here on earth, we don't behave that way. You wouldn't expect him to learn earth's customs and nuances immediately, but instead would allow for him to adjust to our culture. You certainly wouldn't spank an alien for behaving badly at a wedding. You would explain to him that here on earth, we let the groom kiss the bride first, etc. So when Alex does something that is not acceptable I try to explain to him that here on earth we don't behave that way. It works. Since my stress levels go down as my patience levels go up, I become a better husband, too. Success rating: 9.

6. "Be a more attentive father and husband." You have to make a deliberate effort to listen to your family, play with your kid's toys, support your wife's quest to ride in a 150 mile bike tour. You have to pay attention and get involved in the things that make your family happy. Simply nodding your head and saying, "That's nice, dear" are not enough. You only have a precious few opportunities to make your child's day by being "into" whatever it is he's "into". Take advantage. Success rating: 8.

7. "Publish a children's book." Although it has not been published, I co-wrote a kid's book about the history of Thanksgiving with Alex. Last year I wrote a book called, "Sometimes I Make Bad Choices." It tells about a few of Alex's exploits and that "Mommy and Daddy love me... even when I make bad choices." Either book may become published but if not, I think I still did OK with this one. Compliance rating: 8.

8. "Have more fun." This was the "Summer of Travis," afterall. Level of accomplishment: 10.

9. "Live my life outloud." Simply put, this means don't be afraid of being yourself. Don't worry about being embarrassed. Speak your mind. Wear your emotions on your sleeve. Be outgoing. Be impulsive. Live outloud. This blog is a great tool for accomplishing that goal. Success level: 10.

10. "Use the word 'ginormous' (giant and enormous) at least once a day." Lost interest after February or so. Compliance rating: 2.

There you have it. I think I did pretty good overall this year. I will start thinking of next year's goals and turn them into resolutions. Then I will post them on this blog for all the world to see. That way I will be able to turn my readers into compliance monitors to make sure that I remain on task. Until then, I will revert to my idiodic and hopefully humorous posts that you all have come to know and love.

Let the Insanity Begin!

Ah, the Holidays... Its time to get a little crazy! One would think that this time of year is a chance to relax, take vacations, and enjoy some of that "Peace on Earth" stuff people are always singing about. WRONG!!! Riots at Walmart, holiday travel nightmares, hiding from that crazy relative at the family get-together... "Its the most wonderful time- of the year!" Its a good thing I stocked up on rest and relaxation this summer. I don't think they are selling that at Walmart. We had 17 people at our house for Thanksgiving (and were Thankful for them). Add 5 dogs, 4 cats, and 2 goats to that and you get the picture. Then we traveled to another family Thanksgiving today that included 14 more people, 2 more dogs, and a parakeet. I'm not complaining, it is good to spend time with the family. I'm just saying its a busy time of year. I keep telling myself, "Serenity now, Insanity later."

In other news, I got my first ever library card this week. It took 34 years, but I did it. The first book I checked out? Star Wars labyrinth of Evil. I may be a geek, but at least I can read a 340 page book. Also this week I managed to work at an actual job for three days. It was tough, but I had beer waiting for me when I got home, so I got through it. Also, I have to submit to more testing by the "Why can't you make a baby?" folks at Capital Region Hospital in the coming weeks. Then it will be time to see Dr. Pineapple Fingers again for a follow-up and HANDS-OFF visit to discuss "options". By then we will all be immersed in Christmas preparations, parties, shopping, and more family get-togethers. After that, Bethany and I will be driving to Branson to join Grant and Brenda for a stay at the Big Cedar Lodge for a couple of days of actual relaxation for New Year's. I am already working on my resolutions...

Never Too Busy To Blog

I am blogging from the manager's desk at work. Yes, I am being paid to blog right now. After the owners of the store read this, I may not be asked to work again, but I had to do it for my fans. I take these risks because I know you count on me to keep you entertained. Is it dangerous? You bet. Could I get fired? Doubtful. I am living on the edge alright. I will post a full length blog as soon as I begin my winter sabbatical. I will enjoy a month off and then work a six hour shift on Christmas Eve. I know, I'm a trooper.

Mr. Naughton Goes to Work

Its been so long since I last put in a day of working for "the Man" that I can't remember when I retired from the workforce. I think it was back in the spring because I remember declaring that this past summer was to be "The Summer of Travis!". At any rate, just for kicks I thought it would be fun to work a few days at the old Doggie Empawrium to cover for the girls who are going home for Thanksgiving break. That's right, I have been unemployed for so long that I will be working three days this week just for fun. Oh sure the money's nice (I'll make roughly as much in three days as Bethany would in one), but that's not why I am doing it. No, I am working so that I can get out of the house and spend some time with adults for a change. Only then will I be ready to go back into retirement with a renewed vigor. Its not easy being me. Staying up till 1:00am playing on the computer, sleeping in till 9:00am...its tough! Rolling out of bed at about 9:30 or so, drinking coffee while listening to tunes and watching the birds, playing with Alex, goin' fishin', eating lunch, taking naps, playing video games, eating dinner, staying up till one in the morning...its a rigorous schedule. You can see why I need to recharge my batteries once in a while. To continue enjoying my fast-paced lifestyle I need to periodically take a step back and get some perspective. The task of working in the "real world" for a few days should do the trick. In case you need to buy dog treats, I will be working Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Come in and say "Hi". And wish me luck.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

While you stuff yourself as full as the turkey you are eating this Thursday, it is wise to pause to reflect upon the meaning of this truly American holiday. Fleeing religious intolerance, the Pilgrims sailed to America in 1620. They were greeted by local natives who taught them how to grow corn and find other food. Half of the Pilgrims died that first winter, but by the next harvest, a bounty of corn and game was collected. The Pilgrims invited their Indian friends to a feast to celebrate their good fortune and to give thanks to the Indians and God for their survival. Nowadays, some people will tell you that it is politically incorrect to call Native Americans "Indians" and that Thanksgiving is only a holiday for the "White Man" because of they way Indians have been exploited. I disagree. Its true, Native Americans were decimated by disease and war brought forth by whites in the years following the arrival of Europeans. However, I think Thanksgiving should be an official tribute to Native Americans as a means to honor them for helping the Colonists survive in the infancy of America. It should also honor those Native Americans who died defending their lands against the spread of the early United States when our government broke treaty after treaty. Also, Native Americans have served admirably in the United States armed forces most notably as elite code talkers during World War II. We as a country owe our very existence to the Native peoples who were here before us. They taught us how to use the local natural resources to survive, they gave up their native lands for our burgeoning population, and they fought for America against our enemies. Over the years, our perception of the meaning of Thanksgiving has changed. In 1789, George Washington declared a day of thanks for surviving the Revolutionary War. Over the years, it became a day to give thanks for anything and everything. Ultimately, it became an occasion to get together with family, eat a lot of food, and fall asleep watching football. I think all of that is fine, as long as we remember why we began celebrating this day in the first place: To thank our lucky stars and Native Americans for allowing us to live in the greatest country in the world. (Alex and I wrote a little story about Thanksgiving. The picture is a page from our book.)

Parental Progress Report

How can a parent judge how well they are raising their child? Take him to a playground and see how he interacts with other kids. This test is especially helpful for those of us who don't get out much. Today, Alex was at Twin Lakes City Park when 4 kids showed up. The bigger kids left their little brother behind on the playground while they fed the geese. Alex stayed with the little one and kept him entertained. When the little boy couldn't crawl on top of a piece of equipment Alex explained how to do it and when that didn't work he actually picked him up. I was proud of how thoughtful he was. When the other kids came back they all started playing and talking. The following is a partial transcript of their conversation.

Little Girl: How old are you?

Alex: I'm five.

Girl: Well I'm 6 and he's 7, so we're older than you.

Alex: Yeah because 6 is more than 5. And 7 is more than 6.

Girl: Well, you're not as old as we are.

(They play for a while and then Alex tries to show the kids a dinosaur fossil on the plastic rock wall.)

Alex: Hey guys come here. I want to show you something.

Older boy: We know. Its a dinosaur bone.

Alex: Do you know how the dinosaurs died?

Girl: No, do you?

Alex: A big meteor crashed to the earth and made lots of dirt go up in the air and all the plants died and then
the dinosaurs died.

Girl: Oh.

The Kids' Mom: How did you know that, Alex?

Alex: I learned it in my history book.

Mom: Wow, that's really good. What kind of dinosaur is that fossil from?

Alex: I think its a brontosaurus.

Mom: Is that written beside it?

Alex: No, I could just tell that's what it is.

Girl: Well if you're so smart, what do cheetahs eat?

Alex: They eat other cheetahs.

Girl: No they don't.

Older boy: Well they might, but not usually.

Girl: What eats lions?

Alex: Cheetahs.

Girl: No they don't.

Older boy: They could eat them if they're already dead.

Girl: Vultures eat dead lions. You're not smart.

Alex: Hyenas eat dead lions. You're not smart.

Girl: No they don't. See, you're not smart.

Alex: I am so smart I'm smarter than my dad even.

Oldest boy: You're not smart. I'm smart.

Alex: You're not smart, I'm smart.

Girl: You can't be smart if you think cheetahs eat lions.

At that point I finally interjected, "How do you know cheetahs don't eat lions? Have you ever been around cheetahs and lions?"

Girl: No.

Alex: See, you're not smart.

Me: You're all smart, you just know different things. Alex, its time to go.

Older boy: I'm smarter than you.

Alex: I'm smarter than you.

Me: Let's go son.

As we walked to the car, I whispered to my son: If you are going to argue with someone about who is the smartest, you should know what you're talking about. Cheetahs probably don't eat lions. They eat gazells and smaller prey. You shouldn't be arguing about who's smartest anyway.

We turned to see the kids approaching so we walked toward them. The boys were trying to say that they were sorry, but their apologies were drowned out by the little girl going on and on about something. I have no idea what she was saying and Alex had his hands over his ears to shut her out. I told him to ignore her and listen to the boys. He did, and then he said sorry too. Then we left. On the way to the car I said: That was nice of them to say sorry.

Alex: Man, I get tired of hearing her babbling on and on...blah, blah, blabitty, blah-blah!

Me: Get in the car, son.

"There is much fear in you I sense."

"Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering." This nugget of wisdom could have been uttered by Dr. King, the Dali Lama, or Gandhi, but it wasn't. It was Jedi Master Yoda to a young and ambitious Luke Skywalker. If one wonders why we are at war with Iraq and at odds with the rest of the Middle East, one needs only to contemplate the teachings of Master Yoda and the lessons we can learn from Star Wars. After creating panic in the Republic by secretly de-stabilizing the political landscape of the Galaxy, Chancellor Palpatine played on the fear of well intentioned Galactic Senators to vote emergency powers to the soon to be emperor to defend against a fabricated enemy. He misled the Senate into believing that the Droid Army of the Trade Federation was planning to attack the Republic. This led to a bloody war instigated by the Chancellor himself and an opportunistic abuse of power by the leader of the Republic. Anger and hate spread throughout the new Empire and led to unimaginable suffering in the Galaxy. Sound familiar? Playing off of the fear that Americans had of Arab people after 9/11, the Bush administration enticed the Congress to vote for emergency powers (The Patriot Act) to defend the US from its enemies. This act trampled on civil liberties while the President focused the people's anger on a fabricated enemy, Iraq. He misled the Congress into believing Saddam Hussein was planning to use WMD's to attack America. This led to a bloody and unpopular war instigated by the President himself and an opportunistic abuse of power by the leader of our country. Anger and hate for all things Arabic have spread throughout America and have led to unimaginable suffering in the Middle East. Yoda was right. Fear led to anger, to hate, and to suffering in the Star Wars world and in our own. Fear and distrust of the Jedi Order was sparked by the Dark Lord of the Sith. Our fear and distrust of Arabs was sparked by Osama Bin Laden and built upon by President Bush. The leader of the Galactic Republic and our own president turned that fear into misdirected anger and hate and led our Republics into dark times. Only when a true hero, Luke Skywalker stepped forward was Evil defeated in Star Wars. Who will be our hero? Who among us will step forward and bring peace to our world?

If You Only Knew the Power of the Blog Side...

I would like to thank my legions of devoted followers who take the calculated risk of reading my blog on a daily basis. I feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that you satisfy your morbid curiosity by peeking into the dark and frightening recesses of my mind. But its not enough! I need you to spread my manic rantings to the far reaches of the universe. Click on the little envelope icon at the bottom of each post to e-mail the link to your friends. You can even send it to your own e-mail account and then forward it to everyone in your address book. Send it to your friends. Send it to your enemies. "Join me Luke, and together we shall rule the Galaxy! It is your destiny..."

Paging Dr. Naughton... Dr. Blake Naughton...

As I surf the web during my countless hours of free time I occasionally encounter a web site that I feel compelled to share with you, my devoted followers. Click on this link to find further evidence of the superior Naughton intellect shared by my brother Blake. (Although I am hoarding the superior Naughton good looks.)

Happy Birthday, Paw-Paw Butch!

Today, my dad hits the big 6-0! He is spending his special day at work, educating the youth. I thought I would take this time to tell him (and you) what I think about him. My dad is the last of the true dreamers. Like most of us in our youth, Dad declared that he wanted to "make the world a better place." How many of us actually went out and tried to do that, though? Dad volunteered to join the Marine Corps during the Vietnam War. He felt that helping his country defend freedom was a good way for a young person to make the world better. The politics of the war got ugly during those times, and Dad felt that his country turned its back on him and his fellow veterans. Did that make him selfish and jaded? No, he decided to give even more to his country by becoming an educator. Teachers are possibly the only professionals as underappreciated as Vietnam Vets. But Dad wanted to make the world a better place, and he knew that shaping the lives of younger generations would help achieve his goal. Over the next three decades he has been a teacher, a coach, a principal, and now an advisor to future teachers in college. During his career he has seen the politics of education change from one extreme to the other yet he has managed to devoted himself to fighting through the bureaucracy and remain focused on the student. He influenced me to become a fun and involved father and has influenced his second born son to follow in his ideological footsteps in education. He is loved by his family and has inspired thousands of young people throughout his career to also do their part in making the world a better place. So I would say, "Dad, you did it. The world is better for having you in it. On behalf of all of those whom you have affected in a positive way, thank you and Happy Birthday."

A Series of Unfortunate Events

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS AN EXPLICIT ACCOUNT OF MY RECENT VISIT TO THE UROLOGIST. IT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER READERS, OLDER READERS, OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! As many of you may know, Bethany and I have been fighting a losing battle in trying to conceive a younger sibling for Alex. After much procrastination, I finally had my "arsenal" checked out to see if I was using "live ammuntion" in the Battle for Baby. Yesterday I discussed the results with a doctor and underwent a subsequent "physical examination". (It turns out that I am NOT firing live ammo, hence the necessity for the exam.) By "physical examination" I mean "horrific torture session". Abu Ghraib prisoners would choose Lyndie England any day of the week over Dr. Broomstick Fingers. In case you didn't know, in order to check a man's prostrate health, a specially trained CIA operative with a passion for inflicting immeasurable amounts of pain straps on a latex glove, dabs an insignificant amount of "lubricant" on his finger, and... let's just say that he ignores the "Exit Only" sign! That sounds pretty bad, right? Did I mention that Dr. Pineapple Fingers was 6'6" tall with two catcher's mitts for hands? Did I mention EXIT ONLY!?!?! I guess he felt a little sympathy for me judging by the "Sorry about that," that he mumbled as I lay whimpering while curled up in the fetal position on the examination table. To make matters much, much worse, (and I am re-issuing my warning to those readers who may be scarred for life by reading this), I had to confess to Dr. Tree Trunk Fingers that the ten Taco Bell tacos I had for dinner the night before had spent the better part of the morning evacuating my body from the very EXIT ONLY that he had just driven a Volkswagon in to. Talk about "WRONG WAY- DO NOT ENTER!!! To say that the affected area was tender would be a gross understatement. Anyway, after he was done, I wiped the tears from my eyes and got dressed. He told me that I am physically fine, although it will take me years for my emotional scars to heal after our little visit. He scheduled two more sample donations and a follow up visit to confirm his findings. That's all the GOOD news. The bad news is that Alex will probably remain an only child and will have no little brother or sister to divert his father's insanity to. Poor kid.

Another Reason to Hate Kansas

The famous Missouri outlaw Jesse James led raids against people who had the misfortune of calling Kansas home. The Missouri Tigers and the Kansas Jayhawks have the second oldest rivalry in all of college football (and one of the most bitter). Norm Stewart hated the state of Kansas so much that he never spent a single night there in all the 33 years he coached the Tigers basketball team against KU and K-State (he didn't want to spend any money in their damned state). Now, the Kansas Board of Education has given us yet another excuse to despise our ignorant neighbors to the west. They have voted to de-emphasise the science of evolution in their classrooms by teaching "intelligent design". http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9967813/ "Intelligent Design" is the new, politically correct term for "Creationism". Creationism is NOT science, it is religion and therefore is in direct violation of the Constitutional separation of Church and State. In Kansas, teachers are now free to impose their religious beliefs upon their students by telling them that God created all life and that evolution hasn't been taking place on our planet over the past 4 or 5 billion years. I guess the fossil record and all of the scientific journals written since Darwin's revolutionary discoveries are all part of the "Liberal Media Conspiracy" that the Fox News Channel keeps telling me about. Missourians should take a great deal of delight in finding yet another reason to hate Kansas. (As if we needed one!)

The Shining

One of my favorite movies is Stephen King's "The Shining." Jack Nicholson plays a writer who goes insane while holed up in the woods bent over a typewriter trying to write the Great American Novel. As you know, I spend a lot of time holed up in my wooded hideaway here in the Hartsburg Hills. Just like Nicholson's character I also spend a great deal of time fighting writer's block and madness while trying to type something meaningful or entertaining. He used a typewriter, I use a computer. He had a loving wife and a young son. I have a loving wife and a young son. He had an axe. I have an axe. OK, bad analogy. Anyway, the way I see it is that writer's block and extreme seclusion caused Jack to go crazy. Your task is to prevent this from happening to me. Post story ideas on this blog for me to pursue and make sure I get out of the house this winter. The Naughton family is counting on you!

Batman Begins

With a Joker for a dad, it was a natural choice for Alex to be Batman for Halloween.

Garth Raider-Darth Vader