Monday, January 30, 2006

Does it still count as Altruism when there's free beer involved?

This week's "Moment of Altruism" was when Bethany, her mom Glee, Grant, Brenda, and I competed in a charity trivia contest to benefit St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Johnston Paint sponsored our team which also had three of its employees on the roster. When I asked Grant if he wanted to participate he said, "Well, as long as it's for the kids." Of course he said that right after I mentioned that Johnston's paid our entry fee and the Knights of Columbus provided free beer. So we gladly did our part to help the kids. As icing on the cake, we finished second out of 36 teams, missing victory by one point. The winners donated their winnings to St. Jude's, which we all agreed we would have done, too.

So let's review. We drank free beer, made someone else donate their money to the kids, and claimed that we would have given our prize money to them as well. Giving never felt so good.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

My Dogs' Cyclic Existence


According to Buddhism, each living thing has a mindstream that is infinite. We have all lived an infinite amount of lifetimes- not necessarily as humans! Its all about Karma which means good or bad actions. If one has sewn enough seeds of good Karma, he or she could expect a better re-incarnation in the next life, perhaps even attaining the status of a Buddha, or Enlightened One, destined to exist in a blissful state of Nirvana and thus ending the cyclic existence of perpetual birth and rebirth in a reality filled with unhappiness. If they have lived negatively, then they have sewn more bad seeds and will likely be reborn as a lower form of life in the universe, doomed to work their way back up through the ranks of more enlightened lives. I believe I have figured out where my dogs Jake and Princess fit in that overall Karmic scheme.

Jake is our 12 year old, Jack Russell/Corgi mix. He was three when I rescued him from the pound and he was decidedly different from the other 20 dogs in his kennel. He refused to go near any of them as though he were "better than them." When I got him home, he did not play with toys, go fetch, or lick me on the face like most other dogs do. Instead, he was moody, expected me to wait on him hand and foot, and enjoyed "humping" anything he could wrap his stumpy little legs around. After he was neutered, his life became a routine of sleeping 20 hours a day, laying on the couch, and flatly ignoring anything I said in an effort to control him. This leads me to an alarmingly clear conclusion: In his previous lifetime, Jake was likely a white male human who was the boss of a large corporation where he expected everyone to bow down before him and cater to his every whim. He was a man who had it all, but did not appreciate it nor did he do anything to make the world a better place. He abused his status and is now paying the Karmic price by being reduced to the status of a dog. That's why he doesn't wag his tail, he doesn't fetch, and he doesn't show affection toward anyone. He feels degraded by being reincarnated as a dog and has decided to just ride it out until the next incarnation as a human. But I aslo think he is finally happy. Since animals are neither good nor bad, he will most certainly advance back up to the status of human in his next life and hopefully will do a better job of preparing is mindstream for cultivating the positive energy necessary for entry into Nirvana, or the state of everlasting happiness.

Princess, our two year old St. Bernard, on the other hand is the same life form level as Jake, but is coming from the opposite direction. She loves to play fetch, lick your face, and chase her tail. She is in love with being a dog. This leads me to conclude that in her previous life, she must have been an insect or some other lowly creature devoid of the capability to play and appreciate life. She clearly did not have a tail before, because it is her favorite thing to play with. She has an unfettered love of being alive. She loves playing with people, cats, goats, and other dogs. I have never seen a creature before who could love so unconditionally regardless of what form the beloved took. In her next lifetime, she will almost certainly be a human who is charitable, fun-loving, and good. She may be closer to reaching Nirvana than me.

So Princess and Jake are both living as dogs for the first time in their spiritual lives. One is on his way down from being a human, the other is on her way up. Wouldn't it be interesting if they met in their next life as humans? Perhaps that explains why certain people forge an instant bond when they first meet- as though they had met in a previous life. Maybe the term "soulmates" really means "two people whose Karmic paths have finally converged after an eternity of near-misses and common experiences." Could that explain the love you feel for your significant other? Maybe you should ask your dog.

P.S. Princess has gained 40 pounds since this picture was taken and is now enjoying "the Good Life" at our house. Now she and Jake are both fat and happy.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Separated at Birth?

Osama bin Laden: Terrorist Leader. Responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans and others. Believes killing Americans is justified because the U.S. is a state of infidels who support Isreal. Believes Muslims are God's chosen people.

Ariel Sharon: Isreali Prime Minister. Ordered indiscriminate slaughter of Palestinian protesters including men, women, and children while serving as commander of Isreali Army. Believed killing Arabs was justified in order to protect Isreali occupied territories that were taken from Palestinians after WWII (although recently he made huge strides toward making peace with them). Believed Jews to be God's chosen people.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: President of Iran. Accused of taking part in 1979 kidnapping of Americans. Believes the Holocaust never happened and has vowed to wipe Isreal of the face of the earth while his supporters cry "Death to Americans" for supporting Isreal. Believes like many terrorists, that a Holy War or Jihad is justified because Muslims are God's chosen people.

Pat Robertson: Evangelist TV station owner. Has repeadedly called for the assasination of non-Christian world leaders, claimed that liberal control of the government is worse than what Hitler did to the Jews, and recently suggested that God smote Ariel Sharon for dividing God's land by ordering a withdrawl from Gaza to make way for peace with the Palestinians. Believes Christians to be God's chosen people.

These men have two things in common: They have all publicly professed their hatred for anyone unlike them and all claim to be men of God. Have you ever seen a "WWJD" bumper sticker on a car? "What Would Jesus Do?" Correct me if I am wrong, but I think Jesus preached peace and tolerance and "turn the other cheek." I don't think he would have approved of the Crusades, the Inquisition, or Pat Robertson's hate speech. "What Would Muhammed Do?" By all accounts, the teachings of this man were of peace and compassion as well. He ascended to leading Medina and the Islamic world, and occasionally resorted to violence, but only in defense of his people or to unify a region. (No worse than what America has done over the years).

Religion is fine. It guides the majority of people in the world to live good and peaceful lives. The majority of Muslims, Jews, and Christians love peace and do NOT hate each other. However, a few outspoken men have betrayed their religions by commandeering them and twisting them to support their personnal agendas. Don't condemn a race, a nation, or a religion based on a few very bad apples. Remeber that the true leaders of those religions advocated tolerance and compassion toward all of God's creatures.

I hate to sound preachy, but this post is in response to a couple of conversations I've had with churchgoin', God-fearin' folk who have said some shocking things to me. The first guy was an Army man and said, "We should nuke the whole middle-east. They all hate us anyway." My response was, "Including innocent women and children?" To which the guy said, "All of 'em." When I disagreed, he offered to take me outside and "teach me a lesson". (Which was very thoughtful of him.) The other unenlightened soul who wore a crucifix around his neck, served as a youth pastor in his church, and had strictly Christian music saved on his i-pod said, "John McCain is anti-American for getting this no-torture law passed. We should torture more of 'em if it will stop 'em from dropping a nuke on New York City." To which I replied, "John McCain knows a thing or two about the moral acceptabilty of torture, to call him un-American after being a P.O.W. for 5 years in Vietnam is un-American. Besides, torturing a terror suspect in a secret prison will not stop a terrorist cell determined to do us harm." To which he questioned my patriotism and basically blamed people like me for the problems in this country. I stopped just short of asking him if he thought Jesus would approve of torturing people because I knew that I would soon recieve another offer to be "taught a lesson" if I persisted.

And I thought the purpose of religion was to ease human suffering and live a moral life. What was I thinking?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Resolution Update

You may recall that one of my New Year's vows was to perform one altruistic act per week and blog about it to inspire the masses. Well, I haven't done anything on a grand scale yet, but I have done a couple of little things. Today I wrote to the adorable 11 year old Brazilian girl we sponsor through Christian Children's Fund. Her full name is Francisca Mayara de Silva Gomes or "Baba" as she told us she likes to be called. We send CCF a modest amount of money each month which goes to education, sanitation, and a library of books and toys for the kids in her town. Also, we send her a little cash for Christmas and her birthday that she gets to spend however she wants. (She buys new clothes and is very grateful.) Alex colored a picture for her and included it with the letter.

Something that has come to my attention about the other New Years Resolutions I wrote are how most of them are tied together. I never realized it before I started working on resolution #6: Become more spiritual by studying different religions. In Buddhist practice, one strives to be selfless or to give up the idea of an isolated self (resolution #1: Not being self-conscious and worrying about what other people think of me. In other words, don't take everything so personally thinking the world is conspiring against me.) Another main feature of Buddhism is abandoning negative actions and emotions (resolution #2: Have a more positive attitude when bad things happen to me, and resolution #5: be honest and fair while controlling my temper). But the real kicker is this: The three-fold essence of the Buddhist path is: the determination to be free (from our confused perception of our problems and their causes), the altruistic intention (recognizing that other people also have problems and that we can help them through love and compassion), and the wisdom realizing reality (understanding the true nature of ourselves and other things so that we can focus on eliminating the real causes of suffering). So altruism (resolution#9) goes hand in hand with Buddhism.

It is interesting that half of my New Years Resolutions relate directly to the principles of Buddhism. (Drinking dark beer and spending money on cars and new suits do not, however.) I am no Buddha yet, but I may have stumbled upon something that merits further investigation. At any rate, finding true happiness while helping the world be happy is the goal of both Buddhism and my blog, so maybe I am on the right path afterall.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Tabla Rosa

As I sat down to blog just a moment ago,
What I would write I really didn't know.
It had to be funny, insightful, or lewd,
Anything less would be incredibly rude
To the fans of my efforts who read everyday,
The people who can't wait to hear what I'll say.

I have a reputation for inciting a reaction,
From readers who crave some blogging satisfaction.
It's usually praise, but on occasion its not,
Once in a while they may even call it rot.
I never want to let the good people down,
It's because of them that this blog's world renown.

I started this poem with my mind a blank slate,
I spent half of my life in a similar state.
Writer's block can't stop a good blogger from blogging,
Like a salad couldn't keep my dad's arteries from clogging.
Heartattacks notwithstanding, he is doing well,
So cholesterol and writer's block can both go to Hell!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

An Excerpt From My Book

During the days when they weren’t in school, Trevor and Alan would ride their bikes to the park, although they stopped throwing rocks at the railroad bridge control booth that sat so temptingly beneath their bluff top perch after the man that worked in it called the police. The park became their favorite place in Hartsville. It overlooked the Missouri River and offered breathtaking views of the rolling hills that bordered the ancient flood plain. Tourists drove through it to take in the beauty of the changing leaves of autumn and to get their pictures taken while pretending to jump from “Lover’s Lookout”. The boys didn’t care about any of that. They built a fort in the woods and hung out there when they didn’t want to be found. The fort was really just a clearing in the middle of a stand of pine trees that they cordoned off with garland from discarded Christmas trees and some plywood they found by the river, but to them it was as good as a castle.

“What’s the password?” Trevor’s friend Wes asked when the Manheim boys knocked on the door. Wesley Grant was twice Trevor’s size and was a good ally to have when push came to shove with a bully at school or an intruder at the fort. He took great pride in guarding their refuge and was an excellent source of supplies for it. His dad worked for the city as a garbage collector and brought home countless treasures that the boys promptly squirreled away to their hideout. Several chairs, a card table, even an old AM radio that still worked well enough to listen to ball games were saved from the scrap heap and put to good use in the fort.

“The Wizard of Oz,” Trevor replied in reference to the man they called “ the greatest shortstop who ever lived” who just happened to play for their beloved St. Louis Cardinals. To an outsider, the use of a password to verify a caller’s identity would have seemed pointless since anyone who wanted to was free to look around, over, or under the cardboard “door” in order to see in or out of the fort. But what fun would that have been?

“You may enter,” Wes said as he opened the makeshift barrier. “Did you bring anything with you today? You know it ain’t fair to make me bring everything up here.”

“We brought some sodas,” Alan proudly announced. Being the smallest and still in kindergarten, it was rare that he contributed anything more than his membership in their club.

“I found a Playboy under my parents’ bed,” Trevor boasted as he pulled the rolled up magazine from his backpack. He paused a moment to see the look on his friend’s face.

“Now that’s more like it! Gimme one of them Cokes, Alien.” That’s what Wes called Alan, who pretended to resent it, but who secretly loved the attention. It made him feel like a big boy to be a part of “The Gashouse Gang” as the group called themselves.

“There’s a whole stack of ‘em in their closet, too.” Trevor added. “If I just bring back the old ones, we can swap ‘em out for new ones. That way my dad won’t even miss ‘em.”

“It’s about time you started earning your keep around here, Tremor.” Wes started calling him that when he saw him shaking after a beating Trevor took on the playground one day. Wes broke up the fight and he and Trevor had been inseparable ever since. “You ever seen a naked lady before?” Wes asked while flipping to the centerfold.

“Besides your mom?”

“Oh, you’re dead!”

The boys spent most of their time together in Riverside Park. It was their kingdom, their safe haven, and their home away from home. It came to embody the innocence of their childhoods. All too soon, it would be lost to them for them forever.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Big Daddy, Big Stack


Paul's cameraphone captured the smiling image of me as the chip leader in this weekend's game of poker. I went on to win my first No Limit Hold 'Em tournament a few minutes later. The game took place in Blue Springs and afterwards the mayor stopped by to give me a key to the city. After the ensuing parade, I was inducted into the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame. The best part was not having to explain to my wife how I gambled away the money she earned from one of her seven or eight jobs. It was a good day.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Lost and Found

Do you watch the TV show "Lost" on ABC? I do, and for two seasons, I was Lost trying to figure out what it's all about. A jetliner crashes on an uncharted island...flashbacks of the survivor's pasts are juxtaposed against their current struggle for survival...strange events and tragedies torment the castaways...you get the idea. A relatively new character to the show named Mr. Echo made me realize what the show is about- finally. He is a Nigerian who was forced to join a rebel army when he was a child in order to save his younger brother from the same fate. He grew into a ruthless killer and gang leader while his brother became a priest. As he tried to smuggle drugs out of the country (while disguised as a priest in an attempt to throw off the authorities,) his brother called the police and tried to warn him to flee. The police mistakenly killed the good brother and believed Echo was the actual priest. He seized his opportunity and began his life anew. When asked by a fellow survivor if he was a priest or not, Mr. Echo said, "I am."

I believe the point of "Lost" is to show through the survivors' stories that no matter who or what you are, you can change your self for the better if you confront your past and make a break from it. Another survivor was a drug addict back in the world and found a plane full of heroin on the island. It was not there by coincidence (Mr. Echo's co-pilot and his brother were on the plane), but instead it was a test to see if Charlie could confront and conquer his demons. So it would seem that the survivors were brought to the island to be "born again" after confronting their pasts.

Being "born again" sounds like a Christian evangelical doctrine, but it is not exclusive to the religion. In my preliminary studies of Buddhism, I have discovered that its central theme is one of a spiritual awakening very similar to the concept of being "born again," (note that Buddhism pre-dates Christianity by almost 500 years.) The Buddha was originally a prince who was given every material pleasure possible and shielded from the grim realities of the human condition. After venturing out of his palace one day, he saw a very old man, a diseased man, and a corpse. He discovered for the first time that there is a lot of suffering in the world. Disillusioned by what he saw, he vowed to give up all of his possessions and develop his spiritual self. After six years of self-inflicted starvation and self-abuse, he came to a realization. It occurred to him that the key to happiness lay somewhere between self denial and self indulgence. "The Middle Way" as Buddhism is often called teaches that ending all suffering (including one's own) and being compassionate toward every living creature are the true keys to being happy and fulfilled. So that is what Buddha (meaning "the Awakened One") began to teach.

We all get caught up in the chaos of our daily lives. You can say that we all become "lost" from time to time. Whether you are a Christian, a Buddhist, or a survivor on "Lost", there is hope that your soul can be "found"or "awakened." That's #6 on my list of New Year's Resolutions by the way.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Christmas Cousins


Alex and his cousins Morgan and Olivia show remarkable patience while obliging their picture-snapping parents prior to opening presents at Grandma Ola's house this last weekend.

Monday, January 09, 2006

2006, so far...

Its been more than a week since the New Year began, so I thought I should check up on myself to see if I have been following my resolutions.

1. Be myself. Yep, I think I've done a masterful job of that one so far. Just ask Bethany.
2. Have a more positive attitude. Well, I am positive that I can do better at this one.
3. Buy a new suit and wear it for no good reason. No new suit yet, but I did wear my new boxers when I went outside in the 31 degree cold to feed the goats this morning.
4. Drink full flavored beer again. It has been a distinct pleasure to conform to this one.
5. Be honest and fair while controlling my temper. So far, I have shown signs of improvement, except when I ran that little old lady off the highway yesterday after she cut me off in traffic. I'm sure she's fine.
6. Become more spiritual. I plan on checking out some books on Buddhism and Taoism tomorrow when I return some library books. (Do you think the Ashland library will be that enlightened?)
7. Take Alex on a weekly adventure. We watched bald eagles thru his new telescope the other day and we went to a family Christmas this weekend that included three kids under age 6, three dogs, and a dozen grown-ups drinking highballs and Missouri wine. (That's what I call adventure!)
8. Write a novel. I am working on chapter five and hope to have a first draft done by the end of February.
9. Perform one altruistic act per week. This is a tough one. President Lincoln was rumored to have ordered his carriage driver to stop so that Abe could hop out to free a pig from a mud hole it was hopelessly stuck in. A reporter asked him why he would ruin a good suit just to save a lowly beast. Abe said he didn't do it for the pig, he did it for himself. He claimed that he couldn't have lived with the guilt of knowing he did nothing to help the poor creature. Therefore, he concluded there are no altruistic acts, the motivation for his good deed was actually to make himself feel better- not the pig. I haven't done anything remarkably altruistic yet in '06. Maybe this will be the week.
10. Save up to buy a hot rod/family cruiser. Well, we are definately saving. Bethany switched us to a cash only lifestyle and a strict budget. So far, we have been shocked by how much money we are saving.

It seems that I have made some strides in the right direction so far this new year. Now that all of our holiday obligations are over, life will get closer to normal and I can kick the plan into high gear. OK, a Naughton's life can never be described as normal, but there's no harm in trying. Look out '06, here I come.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

My New Job

This past weekend I earned $50 in just two hours! Honestly, did any of you think I could make $25 an hour with a Philosophy degree? It didn't even feel like work. All I had to do was sit thru a timeshare sales presentation. When Bethany and I went to Branson for New Year's, Grant and Brenda turned us on to a sure-fire money making opportunity. All we had to do was listen to the salespitch and the timeshare folks would give us 50 bucks. I have stumbled upon a new career. Grant's advice- "Just say 'no' a lot."

The salesman was a man in his 50s and was very nice. He made his pitch and asked us what we thought. Sticking with our gameplan, we told him "No thanks." Seeing that we were going to be a tough couple of eggs to crack, he got his manager to come over and close the deal. I smiled to myself having the feeling that I was about to win the national championship of "Just Say No" when I saw my competition. The "Closer" was about 70 years old and obviously too tired to put up much of a fight. He came to the table with "a better deal" and asked us if those figures would work better. I told him that it was a great deal, but we had decided recently to pay cash for everything and incurr no future debt until we paid off all of our current debts. I sensed fear and confusion in his eyes. He told his cohort, "I think they would do well with a sponsorship." He left to retrive another printout as the primary salesman excused himself to go to the john. Bethany and I became giddy with anticipation as we sensed the blood of our foe in the water. The combatants returned to the arena with their "best deal". A sponsorship was a no obligation, one year trial timeshare that we could use to see if we were interested in buying the full package in the future. Again I said, "This is a great deal, if we had any money at all and were debt-free we would snatch that up in a heartbeat. Unfortunatedly, we just can't do it." I was practically apologizing to them for not being able to give them thousands of dollars. They seemed as if they actually felt bad for us. Utterly defeated, the men said that they understood and respected us for trying to free ourselves from our self incurred bonds of indebtedness. They had no more pre-scripted responses for our objections. They had no "better deal". They had lost. We shook hands and walked out the door with a feeling of accomplishment that only the winners of competitions of the highest calibur could experience. And we had fifty bucks (Our superbowl trophy.)

The deals? Offer #1: We pay $29,000 one time and get three weeks of vacation per year (which we would never have time to take anyway). Plus pay $700 a year for maintenence fees.
Offer #2: We pay $9,000 for one week a year. Plus $700.
Offer #3: We pay $875 dollars for about three weeks worth of vacation for a one year trial period, with no obligation. We could even apply that money to our down-payment for the full package at the end of the one year period. Now, that's a heck of a deal there. If we were debt-free and had some cash, I think we might have taken that and ran with it. I have been a salesman, so I understand the game. I heard "no" a lot from my potential customers. Now I've found a way to get paid cold hard cash to say "no" myself. "Where are we going next time, honey? Orlando, this summer? Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!"

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's Drunken Essay Contest

To read my submission for the essay contest on Paul's Blog, click here and then click on "Violent Reactions" (comments). It will tell you all you need to know about how I spent New Year's Eve. Enjoy.