Sunday, April 30, 2006

It's a Dog's World- We're Just Living in It


Tomorrow is a red letter day on the calendar. I will begin training with Kate, the current manager of Doggie Empawrium, to become her successor. Although I worked at the store on a part-time basis over the past three years, I need to be brought up to speed regarding the daily operation of the business. I will learn everything I can over the next few days and will officially take over as the new store manager next monday. But don't worry about me. I think I can handle the stress of working everyday- even after having the past year off. You see, I will ease into my new career by working three-hour days until Alex starts summer school in June. Then, I should be ready for full-time employment. It has been since November of 2002 that I have held a full-time job (not including my un-paid occupation as a "stay-at-home" dad.) I can't be expected to jump in with both feet right away!

Come see me at the store starting May 8. I will work weekday mornings during the month of May. For those of you who have dogs or cats and have never been to the store, I invite you to check it out. We sell the highest quality foods, treats, toys, beds, clothing, leashes, collars, and more that you can find for your pet. In today's society, pets are treated like members of the family. You give your kids the best, so give your pets the best, too. Bring your dog to the store for a free treat and to meet our friendly staff. Kim, Michelle, and Lisa (and Kate for four more days) will be on hand to spoil your four-legged friend while answering your questions and providing the very best customer service in the pet industry. Hopefully, with my help as manager, you will find that no other retail business in Columbia comes close to providing the quality of service, products, and fun that our store does.

Am I starting to sound employed or what?!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I'll be a monkey's uncle!

In this case, the little monkey is Duncan Bradley Hecker. Bethany's twin sister Charla and her husband Doug are the proud parents of an 8 lb, 9 oz bouncing baby boy born yesterday afternoon in Kansas City MO. Congrats to them both and an "atta boy!" shout out to Doug, who on his fourth try successfully conceived a male heir to his throne.

We'll be in KC this weekend to behold the child and to give mom and dad some support and a chance to rest (by entertaining the other kids). It will be nice to hold a baby boy again. My baby boy is big enough to hold me!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Oil Insanity

Here I go again. In August, 2001 George Bush and the Republican congress passes a bill that gave a $16 BILLION tax break to the oil industry. In the most recent financial quarter, Exxon Mobil reported a $37 BILLION profit. Meanwhile, we are paying $3.00 a gallon for gas and the oil companies and the President simply say that it is a matter of supply and demand. Exxon has said that the reason prices are so high is that there are not enough refineries to produce the amount of gas the consumers demand. They also said that they would not spend one red cent of that $37 billion profit on building new refineries. Why would they? They just made the biggest profit in the history of the United States. To them, there is no crisis. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Dubya, Dick Cheney, Saddam Hussein, the Bin Laden family, and the "presidents" and royal families of Iran, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria etc all have one thing in common. They either own, have owned, or control part or all of the oil industry in their respective countries. In other words, our President and Vice-President are a part of the problem, not the solution. They are members of the oil cartel. The Bush family has been drilling oil in the middle-east for generations and has been virtually adopted by the Saudi royal family. Dubya owned his own oil company for a while, but then partnered with some folks named bin Laden in some oil ventures in the middle-east. Cheney was the CEO of Halliburton, a gas and oil services contractor that has made over $10 billion in Iraq since the Vice-President conspired with the administration to go to war there. Why? Cheney's stock options in Halliburton are now worth over $8 million dollars. That stock was worth less than $250,000 before the war.

Bush says he's doing all he can to help Americans during this crisis. Do we believe him? His 34% approval rating tells us all we need to know. Of course he doesn't pay any attention to polls. He just does what he thinks is right for our country. What more could we ask from our President?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

E85 Fuel is Cool

We recently purchased a 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan. It is perfectly functional and Bethany loves it. Now I love it, too. Why? It runs on E85 fuel. 85% ethanol, 15% gasoline. It is made from good old Missouri corn, so it supports the local economy instead of terrorists. It burns cleaner than gas, so it makes less pollution. And oh yeah- it costs 50 cents per gallon less than gas!!! When everyone else is paying three bucks a gallon for gas, we will be spending about $10 less per fill up.

Almost all domestic car manufacturers and several foreign automakers are producing vehicles that can run on E85. I urge everyone to get one when it comes time to buy your next car or truck. Check out E85Fuel.com for more info. The sooner we can tell Iran and their oil cartel buddies that we won't be giving them another dime for their precious oil the better.

Now if only they made an E85 conversion kit for the cars we already own... I can't be expected to part with my 1996 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor can I?!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Paul & The Violent Farmers in Columbia

Mark your calendars now for Friday May 12. Paulie will be performing on the patio at Deja Vu in downtown Columbia at 9:00pm. Since I have been a less than adequate manager, I hope to step up to the plate as Paul's promoter. That means that I expect everyone I know to come out for a night of indescribable comedy and song. With tunes like "Torso Girl" and "I'm Not a Psycho, I'm in Love", I guarantee that Paulie will make you laugh till you cry.

If you don't come to the show, I will assume that you no longer love me and that you never wish to see me again. Then I will sink into an abyss of depression culminating in me showing up on your doorstep drunk, bloodied, and half-naked at three in the morning shouting, "Why have you forsaken me?!" at the top of my lungs until the neighbors call the police and you get your name in the paper for a "domestic disturbance" the cops responded to at your house in which a drunken, bleeding, naked man was shouting at the top of his lungs at three in the morning about you forsaking him and then your co-workers ridicule you about it the next day at work after reading about the "incident" while drinking their morning coffee causing you to leave work early which pisses the boss off and gets you fired leading you to getting drunk and showing up bleeding and half-naked on someone else's doorstep at three in the morning and so on...

Wouldn't it just be easier to go see Paulie's show? I'll see you then- and tell everyone you know to be there to. I promise it will be more fun than the alternative.

Monday, April 17, 2006

A Tough, Inspiring Week

Bethany's grandmother, Viola Rathsam (Grandma Ola), is an inspiration. She is a positive, funny, nuturing, and caring person. She continues to exhibit these qualities despite having one of the worst weeks a person could have.

1. Her lymphoma (cancer) returned for a third time and she began receiving radiation and chemo last week.

2. She had an irregular heartbeat and was admitted to the hospital for tests. Bethany went to visit her then returned to St. Louis to take her home from the hospital last Wednesday.

3. After having been home for only 5 hours, Grandma bumped her left leg on a doorway braking her left femur which caused her to fall and bruise her right hip. Luckily, Bethany and Alex were there to help her. Alex witnessed the fall and told his mommy that he was going to call 9-1-1. Bethany told him to get Grandma some pillows while she called for an ambulance.

4. As Bethany and Alex drove to the hospital, Alex had an asthma attack. Bethany called me to hear a familiar voice and finally began to break down. Unfortunately for her, she missed the exit to the hospital because she was so upset.

5. When they finally arrived at the E.R., they had to wait three hours for Alex to receive treatment for an acute asthma attack! Thankfully, his condition improved while they waited. In some instances, the strain on the heart and lungs is so severe during an attack like that that the patient can die. Apparently the DePaul Medical Center in St. Louis didn't think the possibility of dying was a high priority.

6. Grandma had surgery on her leg and is resting comfortably at the Missouri Baptist Hospital now. She will have a difficult road ahead of her toward recovery, but her spirits are still high. Alex helped take care of her by getting a sponge wet and dabbing her parched lips when she was thirsty. (He also reminded her not to move her legs before her surgery.) Bethany said he was amazing and a great comfort to her.

Viola's daughter Glee and granddaughter Bethany are living testaments to her positive attitude. They, as well as Grandma's daughter-in-law Sharon and her daughter Heather, are an amazing group of women. (The men folk in the family aren't too shabby either.) A finer group of human beings you will not find. It is no mystery from where they derive their wonderful qualities- Grandma Ola, an 89 year old gem.

We love you, Grandma Ola.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Dad's Big Fish


This is the biggest of the four bullhead catfish I caught at the Barnes' family farm with Grant today. He caught 13. Combined, our 17 fish didn't add up to one pound. Maybe we need to ask Alex for help.

Well, I better get some rest... I've gotta be at work at 9:30 tomorrow morning for a tough three hour shift.

Friday, April 07, 2006

What a Day!


You are looking at a picture of Alex and the largemouth bass that he caught all by himself today. I believe it weighs between 5 and 6 pounds. He hooked it, reeled it to shore, and I just grabbed it out of the water. It is bigger than any fish I have ever caught in my 30 or so years of fishing. I held it in a puddle of water while Alex ran home (from our neighbor's pond) to get the camera. He came back empty handed, so I had him hold the fish in the puddle that was mostly cut off from the pond itself while I ran back for the camera. When I returned, he was holding his head in his hands sobbing. I asked what was wrong and he said, "It was too strong," and he pointed to the pond. I looked down and saw that the fish was stuck in some weeds and I was able to grab it. He was afraid I would be mad at him for losing the fish. I told him how proud I was that he caught such a big bass and that I wouldn't have been mad if it got away. He managed to smile and hold his catch for the camera. Not too shabby, eh?

Oh yeah. We also went to the park, had a picnic, flew a kite, went to the library, and played with Grant and Brenda's new puppy today.

And I found out yesterday that I am officially the new manager at Doggie Empawrium. I'll start May 8th part-time and June 5th full-time when Alex starts school.

But come on...look at that fish!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most


That was the title of a tune I played in high school jazz band. It is a beautiful yet melancholy piece that is emotionally very powerful. It could be the theme music of the past few days for me. I interviewed for a real job (I guess its time to be a grown up). I spent hours exploring the beauty of the springtime woods with Alex (we spotted a pair of rare Pileated Woodpeckers, heard wild turkeys, found fresh deer tracks and captured and released a box turtle). Alex went to the dentist (no cavities, but he has his first loose tooth). And last but not least, Alex spent a morning in a real kindergarten class on Tuesday.

We packed his Spiderman backpack with pencils, crayons, and markers (even though he didn't need them). I also included a change of clothes and his address and our phone numbers just in case. He got ready for school without a fuss and was less nervous than me on the drive there. When we arrived at his school, I walked him down the hall to his classroom where we met his teacher, Mrs. Garriot. I introduced him to her and before I could say "have fun" or "don't be scared" he cheerily marched right into the room. I offered a feeble "be a good listener" knowing full well he wasn't even listening to me. And that was that. I meandered down the hall and out the door- utterly alone. I put on a brave face for the school crossing guard as I made my way back to the car. My baby was officially a big kid now, and I wondered how he got to be that way.

I returned to pick him up a few hours later. He was sitting quietly at a table, keeping himself busy when I entered the classroom. Mrs. Garriot and about half the kids yelled, "Alex, your dad is here!" As I walked over to greet him he smiled at me with a look of pride and joy. I tried to convince myself that he was as happy to see me as he was to be in that room. His teacher said he did great all morning. He raised his hand when she asked the kids questions. He participated in every activity. He even joined in an assembly where the kids sang silly songs. In short, he handled his day of kindergarten a lot better than I did. He wasn't shy or timid or scared at all. All morning long I was scared. Hell, I've been scared for days. My fear wasn't how well he would adapt to kindergarten, but how well I would adapt to him not needing me quite as much. I don't know if parents ever get used to that feeling. When Alex goes to school for real, I am sure that I will be a basket case. Oh sure, I live a dream life right now with the not working and getting to do pretty much whatever I want. But in a few months, my fantasy world will crumble around me. Its been over three years since my occupation went from 40+ hour weeks working for "The Man" to 168 hour weeks working for "The Little Man". Words can't express how much these past few years (and days) have meant to me. When was the last time you got to be a pirate captain battling it out in a pirate ship (the playground equipment at the Ashland city park) with your five year old first mate, or an explorer on the trail of a new species in the middle of the jungle (our woods) with your favorite guide? Or watch a kid hit a real baseball (that you threw overhanded) with a real bat that you can't believe he is big enough to swing? I got to do all that stuff this week. I get to do that kind of stuff every day. For a little while longer, anyway. Can you blame me for not wanting it to come to an end?

Spring (and being a parent) can really hang you up the most.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Blog Daddy in the Real World

I hate to disappoint those of you who live the slacker lifestyle vicariously through me, but I actually contributed to the economy this week. I worked a six and one half hour shift at Doggie Empawrium on Saturday. I also agreed to work two additional three hour shifts in April. How will I cope with the stress?

The most shocking revalation is that I interviewed for a full time job this week. I know, I know. How will the Blog Daddy find the time to entertain and inform if he has to hold down a real job? Have no fear my disciples. I hope to shape my career into an extension of my public personna and report about it on my blog. I should find out this week if I got the job, at which time I will reveal the nature of my occupation to all my followers.

Keep the faith, my children. I shall endeavor to keep you entertained regardless of my employment status. I will always have time for you.