2007 New Year's Resolutions (in no particular order):
1. Spend more time in nature. (Including spending a weekend alone in the woods.)
2. Build a treehouse/clubhouse "for Alex."
3. Fix up the old truck in time for fishin' season and learn the art of catfishing.
4. Be a better family man.
5. Be a better friend.
6. Study and practice Buddhism.
7. Laugh more.
8. Make people laugh.
9. Be happy.
10. Make people happy.
I like this list. I think all of these resolutions are related. If I succeed at accomplishing these goals, I will have a very happy 2007. I hope you will make and achieve some resolutions of your own, too. Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Mean Green Machine Update
"It gets the same gas mileage going 70 as it does going 20."
"I had it inspected earlier this year but never bothered to license it."
These are just two of the interesting statements made by the good ol' boy who sold me my truck. I am not sure what kind of gas mileage it gets, but upon driving the beast a few times on the highway, it was capable of reaching a maximum speed of only 60 mph on a flat surface, 65 going downhill, and 50 going uphill (all while at full throttle.) 70 mph is a fantasy- a figment of the old man's early onset dementia. As for having it inspected this year- well I guess if this were 2003 he would have been telling the truth. The registration and inspection sticker reflected this fact. As a side effect of years of neglect, when I had the truck inspected it was found to not have functioning rear brakes whatsoever. That's right- the brake lines weren't even connected. $1,042 later and only after a very lenient inspection of the rest of the truck's systems (including a leak at the exhaust mainfold and a leaky power steering pump), it passed inspection.
I went to get it licensed that afternoon. I arrived at the license office with 50 minutes to spare before they closed. Too bad they relocated the license office back in November to the building it was in two relocations ago at the corner of Vandiver and Providence roads. Eventually I found the correct building where I waited in line until 4:55 before it was finally my turn. I paid my fees and taxes and puttered home with my new plates affixed to my beautiful green truck. I notice it running pretty rough on the way home so I resolved to work on it the next day.
As the engine stalled, misfired, backfired, and lurched Alex and I headed to the parts store for new spark plugs, plug wires, distributor cap, a distributor rotor, and a repair manual ($86). As we drove toward home, a kind passerby yelled out the window of his perfectly maintained Honda Element, "You're losing coolant!" I nodded a knowing nod (as I had already noticed and tried to ignore the temperature gauge pegged at the "H") and pulled over. I drove off the shoulder and through the ditch along highway 63, abandoned the vehicle in a nearby parking lot, and called my mommy for a ride. Then Bethany met us all in Ashland after she got off work early and took Alex, me, and my wounded pride home.
The next day I drove to the parts store in Columbia once again and purchased a thermostat and some coolant ($13.) I installed them and the various ignition parts that I had purchased the prior day. I shredded three knuckles removing the last spark plug and actually bled on the newly installed plug wires. I thought it was a badge of honor. After two and a half hours of gratifying yet painful labor, I started her up and headed home. 500 yards down the road I heard a loud "bang" and an ensuing grinding sound accompanied by a good deal of smoke.
I pulled over again and called my loving wife for a ride. She and Alex picked me up after rushing through their lunch at home. By this time, my patience and affection for my new vehicle and its quirks were beginning to wane. I imagined the conversation I might have with the man who sold me this fine automobile were I to see him ever again. I thought it wise to avoid such a confrontation.
The next day, I had the beast towed to the garage and had my mechanic check the water pump. He called and said the pump was fine. I had simply forgotten to bleed the air out of the radiator when I refilled it with fluid. He was impressed with the repairs I had made. As I began to swell with pride he offered the following statement, "You know, this thing runs even worse than it did the other day when it was here."
I said, "I know. I hoped the plugs and such would have helped."
"No, its your carburetor. Its shot."
"How much...?"
"You should have someone you know put one in for you or rebuild it for you."
"Ballpark for you to put a rebuilt one in."
"$450."
"I think I'll just limp it along till it quits."
"I would. Also, that noise you heard was your A/C compressor. A piece of metal broke loose and flew out through the side of it. There was a piece of metal grinding away inside and the smoke was from the belt burning when it stopped spinning finally. We just took that out and threw it away. No charge."
"I appreciate that."
"There was another noise coming from your heater fan but the book says to charge you for three hours of labor just to diagnose it, so we'll just pretend like we didn't hear that."
"Thanks. Anything else?"
"Yeah, there is a noise coming from your bell housing but we won't even talk about that."
"Yeah, let's not."
"Well, its all put back together and ready to drive home." ($125 including tow.)
On the way home, I reached a whopping 75 mph going downhill at full throttle. I was even able to stay above 55 mph going uphill. Looks like my bloody knuckles were not a wasted sacrifice afterall.
Maybe Santa will bring me a new carburetor for Christmas. I deserve it. I've been real good this year. I didn't even kill that old farmer.
"I had it inspected earlier this year but never bothered to license it."
These are just two of the interesting statements made by the good ol' boy who sold me my truck. I am not sure what kind of gas mileage it gets, but upon driving the beast a few times on the highway, it was capable of reaching a maximum speed of only 60 mph on a flat surface, 65 going downhill, and 50 going uphill (all while at full throttle.) 70 mph is a fantasy- a figment of the old man's early onset dementia. As for having it inspected this year- well I guess if this were 2003 he would have been telling the truth. The registration and inspection sticker reflected this fact. As a side effect of years of neglect, when I had the truck inspected it was found to not have functioning rear brakes whatsoever. That's right- the brake lines weren't even connected. $1,042 later and only after a very lenient inspection of the rest of the truck's systems (including a leak at the exhaust mainfold and a leaky power steering pump), it passed inspection.
I went to get it licensed that afternoon. I arrived at the license office with 50 minutes to spare before they closed. Too bad they relocated the license office back in November to the building it was in two relocations ago at the corner of Vandiver and Providence roads. Eventually I found the correct building where I waited in line until 4:55 before it was finally my turn. I paid my fees and taxes and puttered home with my new plates affixed to my beautiful green truck. I notice it running pretty rough on the way home so I resolved to work on it the next day.
As the engine stalled, misfired, backfired, and lurched Alex and I headed to the parts store for new spark plugs, plug wires, distributor cap, a distributor rotor, and a repair manual ($86). As we drove toward home, a kind passerby yelled out the window of his perfectly maintained Honda Element, "You're losing coolant!" I nodded a knowing nod (as I had already noticed and tried to ignore the temperature gauge pegged at the "H") and pulled over. I drove off the shoulder and through the ditch along highway 63, abandoned the vehicle in a nearby parking lot, and called my mommy for a ride. Then Bethany met us all in Ashland after she got off work early and took Alex, me, and my wounded pride home.
The next day I drove to the parts store in Columbia once again and purchased a thermostat and some coolant ($13.) I installed them and the various ignition parts that I had purchased the prior day. I shredded three knuckles removing the last spark plug and actually bled on the newly installed plug wires. I thought it was a badge of honor. After two and a half hours of gratifying yet painful labor, I started her up and headed home. 500 yards down the road I heard a loud "bang" and an ensuing grinding sound accompanied by a good deal of smoke.
I pulled over again and called my loving wife for a ride. She and Alex picked me up after rushing through their lunch at home. By this time, my patience and affection for my new vehicle and its quirks were beginning to wane. I imagined the conversation I might have with the man who sold me this fine automobile were I to see him ever again. I thought it wise to avoid such a confrontation.
The next day, I had the beast towed to the garage and had my mechanic check the water pump. He called and said the pump was fine. I had simply forgotten to bleed the air out of the radiator when I refilled it with fluid. He was impressed with the repairs I had made. As I began to swell with pride he offered the following statement, "You know, this thing runs even worse than it did the other day when it was here."
I said, "I know. I hoped the plugs and such would have helped."
"No, its your carburetor. Its shot."
"How much...?"
"You should have someone you know put one in for you or rebuild it for you."
"Ballpark for you to put a rebuilt one in."
"$450."
"I think I'll just limp it along till it quits."
"I would. Also, that noise you heard was your A/C compressor. A piece of metal broke loose and flew out through the side of it. There was a piece of metal grinding away inside and the smoke was from the belt burning when it stopped spinning finally. We just took that out and threw it away. No charge."
"I appreciate that."
"There was another noise coming from your heater fan but the book says to charge you for three hours of labor just to diagnose it, so we'll just pretend like we didn't hear that."
"Thanks. Anything else?"
"Yeah, there is a noise coming from your bell housing but we won't even talk about that."
"Yeah, let's not."
"Well, its all put back together and ready to drive home." ($125 including tow.)
On the way home, I reached a whopping 75 mph going downhill at full throttle. I was even able to stay above 55 mph going uphill. Looks like my bloody knuckles were not a wasted sacrifice afterall.
Maybe Santa will bring me a new carburetor for Christmas. I deserve it. I've been real good this year. I didn't even kill that old farmer.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Six Degrees of Separation (From Kevin Bacon)
Have you ever played the game "Six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon?" It is theorized that everyone can connect themselves to Kevin Bacon through a friend of a friend of a friend, etc. Have you ever tried it? It works. And if you are reading this, you are actually within six degrees of separation from Mr. Bacon. Observe:
1. Travis Naughton (me).
2. Donna Keller (my mommy).
3. Steven Spielberg (my mommy went to high school with the then geeky future filmaker).
4. John Belushi (starred in "The Blues Brothers" in which Spielberg made a cameo appearance as the Cook County collector).
5. Kevin Bacon (appeared as a ROTC cadet in "Animal House" which starred John Belushi).
Add your name to the top of the list and there you have it- six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. Congratulations!
You're welcome.
1. Travis Naughton (me).
2. Donna Keller (my mommy).
3. Steven Spielberg (my mommy went to high school with the then geeky future filmaker).
4. John Belushi (starred in "The Blues Brothers" in which Spielberg made a cameo appearance as the Cook County collector).
5. Kevin Bacon (appeared as a ROTC cadet in "Animal House" which starred John Belushi).
Add your name to the top of the list and there you have it- six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. Congratulations!
You're welcome.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Report Card on 2006 New Year's Resolutions
The following is my list of resolutions that I compiled one year ago. Let's see how I did:
1. Be myself. I can do a better job of not being self-conscious and worrying about what everyone thinks of me.
("B+". I think I have done a good job at this one. I just gotta be me- whether people like it or not.)
2. Have a more positive attitude. I tend to get a little over-dramatic when bad things happen. I need to learn to laugh things off that bother me.
("C". This one has been a struggle, but overall I think I do better than I used to on this one.)
3. Buy a new suit and wear it for no good reason. Even if I only wear it to sit at the desk in my home office, it will be more gratifying than only wearing it at weddings and funerals.
("D". I have not yet purchased a suit although I have spotted some awesome deals at the Goodwill store!)
4. Drink full-flavored beer again instead of that watered down stuff with half the calories and taste. Moderation will ensure that my new suit will not have to be altered to fit around a beer-gut.
("A+". Did you know dark beer has antioxidants and is good for your heart?)
5. Be honest and fair while controlling my temper. This relates to my tendency to avoid and suppress my feelings until I inevitably explode in a fit of misdirected rage.
("B-". Serenity now or insanity later. I think I have improved.)
6. Become more spiritual, not necessarily religious. I would like to learn about several different religions and spiritual sects such as Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity and Islam. Then I can present them to Alex and let him decide which he prefers.
("B". I read several books about world religions during this past year. On our adoption application I even noted that my "religion" was Buddhism. I plan to learn all I can about Buddhism so that I can teach our Chinese girl about Eastern spirituality.)
7. Take Alex on a weekly adventure. Plan fun stuff that we will both enjoy and then blog about it to share with our fans.
("B". Everyday in our family is an adventure. After I started working and Alex went to Kindergarten, our adventures together became less frequent. I think he lives a very fullfilled life, nevertheless.)
8. Write a novel and have it published. I have a good start on this one already. I have a 30 chapter outline and have completed the first two chapters so far.
("D-". The wheels fell off of this train. The book I started will be re-vamped during my next retirement and eventually published. Sorry to make you wait.)
9. Perform one altruistic act per week and share it with my blogging faithful. Maybe I can inspire other people to do good deeds in the process.
("B-". Although I have not managed to perform one act of altuism per week, I think I have made the world a slightly better place during the past year. Our family sponsors a Brazillian girl through Christian Children's fund. Bethany gives a little money to the United Way each pay period. I help The Humane Society and Columbia 2nd Chance (animal rescue groups) feature their pets at my store each week as well as donate food, toys, and advertising to their causes. Alex is bagging up some of his old toys to donate to needy kids this Christmas, as well.)
10. Save up to buy a hot rod family cruiser. Maybe the royalties from my first book will cover it.
("B". Although I didn't get a family cruiser, I did get a bitchin' four wheel drive truck that is capable of taxiing the family out of our icy/muddy driveway that secludes us from the outside world during bad weather.)
So overall, I think I did okay with my resolutions this year. I could have done better to be sure. How did you do? Post your report card on this blog. Maybe you'll inspire me or someone else for resolution ideas for '07. I will post my 2007 resolutions in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned.
1. Be myself. I can do a better job of not being self-conscious and worrying about what everyone thinks of me.
("B+". I think I have done a good job at this one. I just gotta be me- whether people like it or not.)
2. Have a more positive attitude. I tend to get a little over-dramatic when bad things happen. I need to learn to laugh things off that bother me.
("C". This one has been a struggle, but overall I think I do better than I used to on this one.)
3. Buy a new suit and wear it for no good reason. Even if I only wear it to sit at the desk in my home office, it will be more gratifying than only wearing it at weddings and funerals.
("D". I have not yet purchased a suit although I have spotted some awesome deals at the Goodwill store!)
4. Drink full-flavored beer again instead of that watered down stuff with half the calories and taste. Moderation will ensure that my new suit will not have to be altered to fit around a beer-gut.
("A+". Did you know dark beer has antioxidants and is good for your heart?)
5. Be honest and fair while controlling my temper. This relates to my tendency to avoid and suppress my feelings until I inevitably explode in a fit of misdirected rage.
("B-". Serenity now or insanity later. I think I have improved.)
6. Become more spiritual, not necessarily religious. I would like to learn about several different religions and spiritual sects such as Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity and Islam. Then I can present them to Alex and let him decide which he prefers.
("B". I read several books about world religions during this past year. On our adoption application I even noted that my "religion" was Buddhism. I plan to learn all I can about Buddhism so that I can teach our Chinese girl about Eastern spirituality.)
7. Take Alex on a weekly adventure. Plan fun stuff that we will both enjoy and then blog about it to share with our fans.
("B". Everyday in our family is an adventure. After I started working and Alex went to Kindergarten, our adventures together became less frequent. I think he lives a very fullfilled life, nevertheless.)
8. Write a novel and have it published. I have a good start on this one already. I have a 30 chapter outline and have completed the first two chapters so far.
("D-". The wheels fell off of this train. The book I started will be re-vamped during my next retirement and eventually published. Sorry to make you wait.)
9. Perform one altruistic act per week and share it with my blogging faithful. Maybe I can inspire other people to do good deeds in the process.
("B-". Although I have not managed to perform one act of altuism per week, I think I have made the world a slightly better place during the past year. Our family sponsors a Brazillian girl through Christian Children's fund. Bethany gives a little money to the United Way each pay period. I help The Humane Society and Columbia 2nd Chance (animal rescue groups) feature their pets at my store each week as well as donate food, toys, and advertising to their causes. Alex is bagging up some of his old toys to donate to needy kids this Christmas, as well.)
10. Save up to buy a hot rod family cruiser. Maybe the royalties from my first book will cover it.
("B". Although I didn't get a family cruiser, I did get a bitchin' four wheel drive truck that is capable of taxiing the family out of our icy/muddy driveway that secludes us from the outside world during bad weather.)
So overall, I think I did okay with my resolutions this year. I could have done better to be sure. How did you do? Post your report card on this blog. Maybe you'll inspire me or someone else for resolution ideas for '07. I will post my 2007 resolutions in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Our New Baby!
Its not a Chinese infant, but we'll take it. I am talking of course, about my new baby- The Mean Green Machine. Behold the 1975 Ford F250. Three-quarter ton, four wheel drive, 360 cubic inchV8, four speed with "granny low" gear. This beautiful specimen belonged to only one owner for its first 31 years- a farmer who who used it for various chores around his property. When hauling hay, he would "drop her down" into low gear and hop out while the truck puttered along by itself in the hayfield. He would walk along side of it and throw bales in the back and then jump back in to take them to the barn. How cool is that!? In all of its 31 years, the beast racked up only 77,000 actual miles (and a few dents and rust spots for character.) Everything but the Philco AM radio still works. And somewhere along the way the tailgate disappeared, but you don't need a tailgate to have a tailgate party.
Bring on the next 16 inch snowfall or home football game- the Naughton family's chariot has arrived.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Dig This
I was grateful to our neighbor for plowing the path thru the snow in our driveway that would in theory connect us to the outside world. There were a few problems with his execution however. He made the path only as wide as his little Bobcat tractor's scoop. That is only about 6 inches wider than our van. Oh, and he left a layer of ice on the driveway that grows thicker every night when the previous day's snowmelt re-freezes. Therein lies the problem. Have you ever driven on a curvy, hilly, gravel driveway covered with three inches of sheer ice and lined with plowed snow that is several feet deep and mere inches from either side of your vehicle? It is almost like driving on a bobsled run except when you try to go thru a curve, you get hopelessly stuck in a snow bank. Sounds fun, right?
On Monday and Tuesday, I dug out our marooned minivan a total of four times. A snow shovel was no match for the thick ice, so I employed our other shovel- a spade. This would not be notable were it not for the fact that this shovel's main purpose is that of a pooper-scooper for the land mines left by our three dogs. Can you get this visual image in your mind: Bethany and Alex are sitting all buckled-up and cozy in the van while I am digging out the compacted snow and ice from under our wheels with a shovel coated in St. Bernard crap. "Whistle while you work?!" Try, "Dry-heave while you dig!" Cussing, spitting, slamming doors. Ah, the joys of country living.
Last night I got smart. I parked the van at the end of our driveway and we walked the rest of the way home. On our way out the door this morning Alex asked, "Dad, are you gonna yell and slam doors again today?"
"Where's my shovel?"
On Monday and Tuesday, I dug out our marooned minivan a total of four times. A snow shovel was no match for the thick ice, so I employed our other shovel- a spade. This would not be notable were it not for the fact that this shovel's main purpose is that of a pooper-scooper for the land mines left by our three dogs. Can you get this visual image in your mind: Bethany and Alex are sitting all buckled-up and cozy in the van while I am digging out the compacted snow and ice from under our wheels with a shovel coated in St. Bernard crap. "Whistle while you work?!" Try, "Dry-heave while you dig!" Cussing, spitting, slamming doors. Ah, the joys of country living.
Last night I got smart. I parked the van at the end of our driveway and we walked the rest of the way home. On our way out the door this morning Alex asked, "Dad, are you gonna yell and slam doors again today?"
"Where's my shovel?"
Sunday, December 03, 2006
The Shining
One of the best movies of all time is "The Shining." A family of three is snowbound in a remote locale for an inordinate amount of time. The writer/husband/father loses his mind as a result of a severe case of cabin fever. You know the rest of the story.
The Naughton family has been snowbound since Thursday afternoon. We received 16 inches of snow and our cars' bumpers are only 13 inches off the ground. Not a good combination. Apparently the county doesn't consider our mile and a half of hilly, curvy gravel road to be a high priority on their plowing list. The writer/husband/father in our family has been going a little crazy due to the fact that in addition to being isolated from the outside world by the snow, the family computer crashed three days ago- thus severing all remaining ties to civilization. Perhaps sensing impending doom, Bethany ran the computer's recovery program and re-installed all the software during a period of several hours last evening. Crisis averted.
Blog Daddy is back. "Heeeeeeerrrrrre's Johnny!"
(The photo shows our 18" tall pickett fence just peaking out of the snow.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)