Sunday, January 28, 2007

Blog Daddy as Larry King

"Last night, I bowled a 159 and a 151."

"Kate Beckensale is one fine looking lady."

"After two weeks, the ice in my driveway is still two inches thick."

"I will have my first professional eye exam tomorrow afternoon."

"My truck averages 6 miles per gallon."

"I'm thinking of enrolling in the Missouri Master Wildlifer Program this spring."

"On Friday, our trivia team placed in the top three out of 40+ teams for the second year in a row in a contest benefitting St. Jude's Children's Hospital."

"I may convert my 1996 cop car to run on ethanol."

"Papa Murphy's is the best pizza in Columbia. Shakespeare's Pizza has the best dining atmosphere."

"The Missouri Tigers basketball team handed Bobby Knight a serious butt-kickin' the other day."

"Rats make better pets than you would think."

"I am researching a program in which the Missouri Depeartment of Conservation will create wetland habitat on private lands at no cost to the owner in exchange for a permanant easement preventing the land to be used for any other purpose."

"I just read about a barber in Madison, Missouri who plays rock 'n' roll guitar in his shop between haircuts."

"The ethanol (flex fuel) conversion for my car will cost $900 and reduce my dependence on terrorist oil by 85%. Bethany's van already operates on Missouri farmer-produced ethanol."

"Paul Shields has desserted his blogging faithful."

"On Wednesday, I will undergo a cardiac stress-test and be fitted with a 24-hour monitor in an effort to diagnose the cause of my irregular heartbeat."

"Groundhog Day is one of my favorite holidays and movies."

"Diet A&W Rootbeer tastes just as good as regular A&W."

"John Mayer's new CD is very, very good."

"This just in: Tiger Woods may have a future in golf."

"I will meet with our social worker this Tuesday to bring us one step closer to adopting a Chinese baby."

"They say a cucumber makes the best pickle."

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Strike!!!!!!!!



On Saturday, Alex was accompanied by his grandmas and his parents as he tried his hand at bowling for the first time. The photo shows him roll his very first ball straight down the middle. What a pro. He didn't get any strikes, but by the end of the day he graduated from the "set the ball down and push it" technique employed by all children to the grown up one handed throw. He even threw a pretty sweet hook from time to time (which I could not do for some reason.) Although I bowled lousy, I looked good. At least I had that going for me.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

My Truck is a Work of Art


Leonardo DaVinci turned sketches of crude machines into sublime works of art by transforming his concepts into divine expressions of beauty. He is credited with the first working design of a flying machine that beyond being technically plausible was also an artistic masterpiece. I pay tribute to The Artist with my own painting of "The 1975 F-250" in Crayola paints on sketchpad paper. Click on the image to enlarge it so that you may enjoy the incredible detail that I was able to include.


Damn, I'm good.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Hugh Hefner Should Win The Nobel Peace Prize


Hugh Hefner may have figured out an exit strategy for Iraq. U.S. Air Force Staff Sergeant Michelle Manhart posed nude in Playboy magazine recently. The loving wife and mother of two who has served her country faithfully during her enlistment in the armed forces has been relieved of her duties for posing for the photos. Apparently, even during war-time, it is just that easy to get out of having to serve in Iraq (or anywhere else for that matter.) Although Sgt. Manhart was not serving in Iraq, she will no longer be available to be deployed there to help out our war-weary troops. (At least they can get a morale boost by looking at her pictorial.) Therefore, in order to get our troops out of harm's way, we need only to send the photographers from Playboy magazine to take a nude photo of each service member currently or soon to be deployed to Iraq. When the Pentagon decides that the troops' conduct is not up to the high standards of our military as they claimed in Michelle's case, they will all be relieved of their duties too.


Hef for Prez in '08!

Monday, January 08, 2007

RATS!


Bethany told Alex he could have a pair of rats. Yes, that Bethany. You know- the one I'm married to. Alex and I acted quickly before she could come to her senses. In his room now reside two female rats named Sasha (that's her pictured giving me a kiss) and Sarah. They are about two months old and quite tame. I have to say, they really are pretty cool pets. We may need to hire a full-time zoo keeper soon if we don't stop adding to our collection.


Three dogs, two cats, two goats, ten fish, and two rats. I literally live in an Animal House. That sounds about right.

Mr. Fix-it


Remember me belly-aching about my truck not running right? Well I fixed it! My loving wife said that she believed in me and that she thought I could get it running right if I took some time to work on it. Even after all the work I did on it originally that did not help, I decided to give it one more try. I figured out how to adjust the air-fuel mix on the carburetor allowing more gas to flow into the carb. I then adjusted the idle speed a little and cleaned the carb thoroughly. And then: vroom-vroom! I drove the Incredible Hulk to work and passed more cars than passed me. I was able to reach a top speed of 75 mph before slowing for traffic. Don't call me Mr. Goodwrench though. He only works on Chevys.

For the next upgrade to the Beast I will be waiting in earnest for my Christmas present from my beautiful mother-in-law Glee to arrive. A brand new dashboard hula girl! Things are looking up in '07.