Wednesday, May 02, 2012

First term stay-at-home dad

First term stay-at-home dad



Published: Wednesday, May 2, 2012 9:43 AM CDT

Have you ever seen the “before and after” photographs that show how dramatically four years on the job ages the President of the United States? Our president never really gets a day off. His vacations are working vacations. He can’t go anywhere to clear his head without an entourage in tow. From the moment he wakes up till the minute his head hits the pillow at night, people are constantly asking him questions, demanding his attention, and depending on him to solve their problems. Can you imagine what it must be like to live with that amount of stress 24/7? I’ll bet you can if you’re a stay-at-home parent. Later this month I will celebrate my fourth anniversary of becoming a full-time, stay-at-home dad. Now seems like an appropriate time to evaluate my first four years on the job, and to contemplate running for a second term.

When I quit my job in 2008, I announced to my friends and family that I was “retiring” from the rat race. Years of working in sales, both retail and wholesale, and in management had taken their toll on my soul. I needed to make a drastic change to rekindle my spirit. Adopting two-year-old Truman and staying home to raise him did just that. I quickly forgot all about the stress of the retail world. Then I realized what real stress is. Real stress is trying to teach a two-year old from China to understand and speak English. Real stress is trying to change a radioactive diaper in the restroom of the Olive Garden without contaminating your nice dinner clothes. Real stress is working on potty training, cooking three meals a day, trying to keep up with the laundry, vacuuming, dishes, mowing, and such while trying to save enough energy to maintain a healthy relationship with a spouse who is sympathetic to your situation, but has a separate set of work-related issues to deal with.

I should have known what to expect. I actually played Mr. Mom to Alex when he was a little guy. But I more or less just “played.” I did not fully immerse myself in the stay-at-home lifestyle back then and did a pretty woeful job of taking care of the house and my wife. Bethany not only brought home the bacon, but she also fried it up in a pan, washed the pan, mopped the kitchen floor, etc. I focused on Alex and neglected the rest of my duties as a husband/homemaker. My forgiving wife graciously allowed me to give it another go when we decided to adopt, and I think for the most part I redeemed myself. In fact, I did such a good job, Bethany and I decided to again add to our brood—and to my workload.

For some reason, I was under the misguided impression that adding a third child to the mix would only increase my workload and stress level by one-third. I was never any good at math. Someone should have stepped in and warned me that adding a third child actually means having 50% more children and 100% more work than when you only have two. Now I have one kid who is learning about a new culture, two who are learning English, and three who are producing more dirty dishes, laundry, and clogged toilets than an army platoon. Stress? You betcha.

Still, I can’t complain. Homemakers in previous generations didn’t have the luxuries of indoor plumbing, washer & dryer combos, and automatic dishwashers like I do. They didn’t have the internet and satellite television to entertain them during their precious few minutes of down-time. Is being a stay-at-home parent the most difficult job I’ve ever had? Yep. Has my hair started turning gray and have bags appeared under my eyes? Yep and yep. Will I be seeking a second four-year term as a full-time dad? With a 100% approval rating from my family, I think I have to. It sure beats “working” for a living.