Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A letter to my fifteen year old self

Originally published: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 in the Boone County Journal
Dear Travis,

Happy 15th birthday, my young friend. So you’re in the ninth grade now, is that right? Of course you know that this will be your last year of junior high, but in many ways it will also be the last year of your childhood. You won’t believe the changes in store for you over the next few years. I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice right now, which I fully expect you to ignore even though you’re a great kid. As intelligent as you are, when it comes to heeding the words of wisdom from your elders, you’re an idiot.

First of all, you really need to lighten up on your dad’s girlfriend. It’s perfectly natural for a child of divorced parents to harbor a little resentment for a parent’s new love interest, but you have been acting like a real ass lately. Seriously, refusing to have a civil conversation or to make eye contact for well over a year with the woman your father loves? Who does that? What you need to realize is that despite your best efforts to sabotage their relationship, your dad and Susan will be getting married in a couple years. As a result of this lifetime commitment, you will have a new baby sister and brother, who in turn will grow up to become wonderful people who you will be proud to call your siblings.

Next year, after you begin high school, you will fall in love with a girl. You will lose your virginity to this girl. You will become 100% convinced that the two of you will be together for the rest of your lives. Then she will break your heart. You will live, although you’ll doubt it. Sure, you’ll harbor a lot of resentment and say things about her that you’ll later regret, but one day you’ll realize that that young lady taught you a great deal about love and relationships and you’ll be able to apply those lessons to future relationships. Years later, you’ll even come to call her your friend again.


During your junior year, you’ll give in to peer pressure and drown your heartbreak in alcohol. I know you don’t believe me now, but it’s true. This decision will alter your future in ways you cannot imagine. You will turn your back on many of your childhood friends who were smart enough to “just say no.” You will lie to your parents with alarming frequency. Your younger brother will eventually lose nearly all respect for you but will still try to help you by pointing out how you are wasting your potential. You will get drunk and verbally abuse him for saying so. It will take years for your family relationships to fully recover. Gradually your drinking habits will have a greater influence on you than your study habits and you will nearly flunk out of college. You will take awful risks while under the influence. You will drink and drive. You will use drugs. You will cheat death many, many times. You will become the virtual opposite of the innocent, positive person you are today. You will grow to despise the man looking back at you in the mirror. You will be miserable.

As difficult as things get, don’t give up on yourself. There will come a time when you realize how foolish you’ve been behaving and how lucky you are to be alive. You will fall in love with a woman who your friends will say is too good for you. She will help you heal yourself and show you how wonderful life can be. You will become a father, and you will rely on your life-experiences and remaining brain cells to impart valuable lessons to your son. You will stand on the Great Wall of China not once but twice and bring back two beautiful children as “souvenirs.” You’ll rediscover your gift for writing and touch people’s lives through your words. At the age of forty-one, you’ll realize that you have everything you want and need in life and that you are truly happy. And when you look in the mirror, for perhaps the first time since you were fifteen, you will like the person you see.

Take care of yourself/myself, my young friend. Enjoy being fifteen.

Travis