Old vs. Young

Did you know that when you click on the drop down menu on your web browser called "View" one of the options is "text size"? This is a marvel of modern technology. I was feeling hip and young while playing on my Myspace page when suddenly I realized I was straining to read the tiny little text. I cannot describe the sense of agedness that overwhelmed me when I realized I was getting too old to read a Myspace page. Maybe that means I have no business having a Myspace page in the first place. How sad.

I should get reading glasses. But until my arms aren't long enough to focus on words "at arm's length" I'll continue to rely on the slide trombone method of reading books and newspapers. When I can't reach any farther, I will rely on this new found "text size" feature on the computer. Ain't technology great!

Enlarged text and online poker!? Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the internet!

The Future Mrs. Alexander Naughton?

On Thursday, our friends Brenda and Grant welcomed their baby girl to the world. Rebecca Kavanaugh Barnes weighed 6 pounds and some change and has all 20 metacarpals, metatarsals, etc. She and her mother are both doing well, although Grant whined quite a bit about being tired. I took the opportunity to introduce Rebecca to her future husband, Alex, and Grant became physically ill. I told him to look at it this way- she could be Mrs. Augustus Jobe Herrin. He conceded my point and welcomed his future son in law to the family. Brenda said she and the baby are planning on going into hiding as soon as they are released from the hospital.

Maybe she's holding out for Rebecca to become the future Mrs. Briscoe.

MySpace Mania

Everybody has a MySpace account. Everybody who's anybody that is. Did you know that yours truly has one? http://www.myspace.com/travisnaughton Oh, yeah. And it rocks. Well, maybe "rocks" is a little strong, but it is what it is. Only the coolest of the cool are on MySpace, and I've been on it for quite some time- so don't call me a follower, man. I'm just as cool as Dane Cook and all the other comedians who have commandeered the site as their own vehicle for getting them noticed. They only wish they had a blog and fanbase as good as mine. Anyway, for those of you who are hip to the movement, feel free to check me out on MySpace.com.

WWDD?

What would Dave do? Dave Ramsey that is. He is the financial guru who has taught millions of people how to get out of debt using his books, seminars, and radio show. As many of you know, Bethany and I jumped on Dave's debt elimination bandwagon two years ago and have made some significant progress. Since I physically cut up our last credit card this week, I thought now would be a good time to give a status report on our progress.

Since April, 2004 we have paid off:

• Lowe's credit card...................$300
• My student loan......................$5342
• Discover/Visa cards................$11,000
• Truck loan................................$16,000
• Bethany's student loan...........$5000 of $9400 April '04 balance (remainder will be paid off by November)
• House........................................$10,000 of the April '04 balance

• Total of $48,000 of debt paid down!!!!!!!!!!!!

In that period of time we have managed to pay cash for the following without incurring any debt:

• 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan...........$5800
• 1996 Ford Crown Victoria..............$1800
• New transmission for van...............$1300
• Repairs on car..................................$1100
• Tires for van.....................................$500
• Trip to Orlando...............................$1300
• Trip to Cancun................................$2300

How did we do it? By living off a tight budget and using cash only- no financing, no credit cards, no buy now- pay later. If we don't have the money, we don't buy it. We did 95% of this while we only had one income. A family of three can pay down $48,000 in debt, own two cars outright, and still afford two family vacations on less than $50,000 per year of income-all in a little more than two years.

Our remaining financial goals:

• Pay off Bethany's student loan in November. (Then we'll be debt free except for the house!)
• Save up for adopting a child. (We have decided to pursue adopting a Chinese baby-with special thanks to fellow blogger Howdy and his wife for their help.)
• Pay off the house by the time I turn 40. (With the adoption, this goal may take an extra year, but I'm sure Dave wouldn't mind.)

Why am I telling you all of this? Am I bragging? Maybe a little. But my true intent is to show you that anyone can get out of debt once they put their mind to it. We have accomplished most of this while I stayed at home with Alex not earning a penny. Oh yeah, did I mention we have been saving money for Alex's college and have started saving and investing for our retirement, too? Can you imagine being 100% debt free, owning your own home and two cars, having a college fund for your kids, having a retirement fund for yourself, and still being young enough to enjoy it?! We are doing it and you can too. It doesn't matter how old you are. Start eliminating debt. Start saving and investing. The average mutual fund earns at least a 10% return per year over the course of 10 years. Dave's course is called "Financial Peace." Without this peace, we would still feel stressed out by money. Money problems are one of the biggest killers of marriages. Bethany and I were nearly $200,000 in debt a few years after getting married. We bought furniture, TV's, cars and trucks, and anything else we wanted. We never really thought about how we would pay it all off. Making minimum monthly payments on that mountain of debt would have kept us broke and at the mercy of creditors until the day we died. How can you retire living that way? How can you really enjoy life that way? How can you achieve financial peace that way? You can't. But thanks to Dave Ramsey, we are discovering that peace of mind so many of us dream about.

Now cut up those cards, set up a budget, pay off those debts, and start living!

Gall Bladder- Schmall Schmladder

Last Thursday, Bethany had her gall bladder removed. She had two stones in it the size of Pluto. Of course Pluto is no longer classified as a planet, but they were still big. The doctor filled her body with carbon dioxide to keep everything in its place after the offending organ was removed. This gas then traveled throughout her body causing her pain that she described as worse than childbirth. I witnessed the birth of our child, and I gotta say, I didn't think anything could be more painful than that appeared to be. But I guess I was wrong. It is now Sunday and Bethany is starting to feel like her old self again. It only really hurts when she laughs, which is a bit of a problem around this house. I am trying not to be funny, but that is easier said than done. I am one funny son of a bitch.

Thanks to everyone who has sent along best wishes and kept Bethany in their thoughts. She gets to stay home for a whole week and should be ready to get back to normal (and back to work) by then.

Crocodile Tears

I'm sure by now you've heard the news of the "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin's untimely death. Although I never had the pleasure of meeting the man, I feel like I lost a family friend. I'm sure I'm not alone in that respect. Steve was an inspiration to both Alex and myself over the past few years. To Alex, Steve was a window to the natural world. He showed his viewers how special and important each living thing on this planet is. He never disparaged any animal no matter what stigmas people placed upon them. This was an important lesson for us all. By showing us the intrinsic beauty in even the animals that most people recoil in fear of, Steve taught us that life is precious in all its forms. He valued animal life as highly as that of humans- a lesson not lost on my son.

Thanks in no small part to Steve's unique style and message, Alex has developed a real respect for animals. His passion for life would make Steve proud. In fact, on one occasion Alex played the part of TV naturalist while I recorded him with our video camera. He took his viewers on a tour of our woods, pointing out the various forms of animal habitat while lamenting the destruction of habitat and the loss of wildlife in other locales. Imagine a five year old describing how an old, dead tree provides habitat for creatures such as birds and raccoons. Imagine him expressing his sorrow that precious habitat is being lost to logging and development throughout the world. Imagine the reverence for life that a five year old can have. Steve Irwin had a lot to do with that.

When I stayed at home with Alex, we watched "The Crocodile Hunter" virtually every day. Alex was captivated by Steve's enthusiastic style and message. Any man that can convince children (and adults) that poisonous snakes and 15 foot long crocs are "gorgeous creatures" is a true role model for kids to emmulate. I enjoyed watching Steve live his life outloud, without a hint of self-consciousness. I wish I could live free of self doubt and from worry of what other people think of me. Steve was also an inspiration to me as a father and husband. He was a model family man. He was able to successfully work with his spouse (a feat not many of us could pull off) because he respected her, loved her, and treated her as an equal. He loved his children with all of his heart. We were priveledged to see him interact with his daughter Bindy, whom Alex is quite interested in by the way, during the years that he filmed his show. He was always careful to strike a balance between giving his child a chance to explore and learn about the world while keeping a watchful eye out in order to keep her safe. That's all any good parent can hope to do.

It is appropriate, I suppose, that Steve died as he lived. He was among nature. He was teaching the rest of us about the beauty of the natural world. He was filming a show for kids that his daughter was to co-star in. Right up until his last moments, Steve was still showing us the joys of living in this world. Fathers and sons, wives and daughters, lovers of wildlife, and Mother Nature herself, are all better for having had Steve Irwin in our world and in our lives. It is also appropriate, I suppose, that the sting ray's barb pierced Steve's heart. For it was Steve's huge heart that defined him. A heart that taught me, my son, and the world how to love unconditionally. I'll never forget the episode of his show in which Steve had to say "goodbye" to his beloved dog Suey. A man tough enough to wrestle saltwater crocodiles was reduced to tears while he held his faithful companion in her dying moments. I hope Steve felt the world embracing him in his.

Tailgate Schmailgate

The University of Missouri has lost its mind. Kegs and large amounts of alcohol are now forbidden at tailgates. Those accosted by the MU Police will be ordered to dump out their beer or leave the premises. I wonder what they will do to Rich Riesenbeck. Rich owns Golden Eagle Distributing in Hannibal MO. They distribute Anheuser-Busch products to northeast Missouri. Rich parks his half million dollar Golden Eagle tour bus in Lot G directly south of the stadium for tailgating. He has multiple keg taps coming directly out of the side of his bus. I wonder if the MU Po-Po will make Rich dump out his multiple kegs or vacate the lot that he pays $10,000 annually for the right to park in. If not, then they better not bother the other 60,000 fans who come to games primarily to tailgate rather than watch the historically hapless Tigers lose year after year. Sure they won a bowl game last year. But Brad Smith is gone now, and they will have to actually rely on everyone on the team rather than one superstar to be successful. When they fail, I and everyone I know will want kegs and large amounts of alcohol on hand to make going to games worth the hassle.

Ticket prices have skyrocketed. Free parking has been eliminated. No alcohol can be sold or consumed in the staduim unless you are filthy rich and can afford to buy a luxury suite where they sell beer and provide waitstaff. (The same is true at basketball games.) Tuition is up nearly 400% since I began college in 1990. (Making MU the most expensive school in the Big 12. Except for Baylor which is the only private school in the conference.) And now they want to drive away the few of us who have put up with all of this crap over the years by making grown adults dump out their beer if the police think the beer to tailgater ratio is too high. Don't worry: if MU keeps this up, there won't be anybody left for the cops to harrass before long. This University needs to remember the people who continued to buy tickets throughout the 80's and 90's even though Missouri posted only three winning seasons in those 20 years. They need to remember that it was us Commoners who put 30,000 asses in the seats of a stadium that holds 60,000 when the Tigers sucked so bad that the rich alumni (to whom the University is catering now) wouldn't bother showing up. I remember a time when Mizzou gave away tickets to try to get people in the seats for telivised games. I remember parking for free anywhere you could find a space. I remember having fun at tailgates because no matter how bad the team was, at least we had beer. Now the MU fun police are trying to take away the last bastion of what made being a Mizzou fan tolerable.

I'm almost glad I didn't buy a tailgatin' truck. No I'm not. I want a truck so gaudy, so audacious, and so visible that the MU Gestapo couldn't ignore it or the drunken fans trying to have a little fun in, on, or around it. Just try to make us dump out our beer. I dare you. But first, let's go to the Anheuser-Busch bus and make them pour theirs out. While we're at it, let's make sure the big wigs in the luxury boxes dump theirs or vacate the premises.

"For All We Call Mizzou" is the name of the fundraising campaign MU has been involved in for the past couple of years. Their goal is to raise $1 Billion. All long as I have a pulse, I'll tell everybody who'll listen not to give this pathetic institution one red cent. How can you raise over $600 million dollars to date and still increase tuition 38% in the three years since the fundraising campaign began? How can you justify charging thousands of dollars a year for parking passes for sports events (tailgating) and then tell the peole who spent that ridiculous amount of money that they can't have kegs or large amounts of beer (even if they have designated drivers)? How can you justify spending $50 million on a new rec center on campus that no one was allowed to vote on while half the state was up in arms about the $25 million you spent on the Paige Arena? All of this insane spending, fundraising, and new regulations will do nothing but alienate the few of us who have remained loyal all these years when Mizzou was the laughing stock of the conference.

Today is the first football game. We have free passes to the Zimmer Radio group tailgate which will be located between the Football field and the old Hearnes center. They have kegs. Many, many kegs. I feel a political protest coming on. Wait'll they get a load of me. Wait'll.