Diapers and Trolls

 

As I had hoped, quitting Facebook is already proving to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Yes, I still spend more than my fair share of time online searching for classic cars and watching fishing videos, but I haven’t been sucked into any political arguments on social media in almost two weeks.

 

According to the screen time report on my smartphone, I spent 25% less time online last week than my previous 7-day average. In my newfound free time, I managed to reread one of my favorite books, The Hobbit, and I have begun to reread the Lord of the Rings trilogy, too.

I have also been able to spend a lot of quality time with my granddaughter. Freya is only two months old, but she is already my favorite person in the entire universe (don’t tell my wife and kids). She and I often spend hours hanging out together. She likes it when I sing to her and when I get her nose. My heart is never fuller than when I manage to make her smile. I also feed Freya, burp her, take naps with her, and change her diapers.

  

I would much rather change poopy diapers than argue with trolls on Facebook.

Despite limiting my time online, I am still able to keep up with current events. You might remember that I promised a couple of weeks ago to never write about politics again if Trump could produce any actual proof that the election was rigged. Unsurprisingly, he has failed to provide any evidence whatsoever of a concerted effort to commit election fraud.

It is time for the president to demonstrate actual leadership and concede defeat in order to begin the peaceful transfer of power that is a hallmark of American democracy. It is an indisputable fact that Biden received over six million more votes than Trump did. Recounts will not reverse such an overwhelming victory. We the people have spoken—at the polls. Legally. Peacefully. For the sake of the Union, we must all come together and reject Trump’s attempts to undermine the will of the people and Democracy itself. Enough is enough.

I’ve also been following the explosion in new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths related to COVID-19. A quarter-million Americans have died in nine months and things are getting worse every day, including here in mid-Missouri. I fear that the only way many people will take the pandemic seriously is if they lose someone to this awful virus. It has not escaped my attention that many of the people who refuse to accept the results of the election are the same people who refuse to wear masks.

Why wouldn’t you wear a mask? Liberty? Asthma? Anxiety? Please. I have to wear a mask eight hours a day while teaching school and I’m not complaining about my rights being infringed upon. I have asthma and anxiety, too, by the way. In two months, I have never held my grandbaby without wearing a mask. I won’t come within six feet of her if I don’t have my mask on. I wash my hands and use sanitizer when I hold her. I take a shower and change into clean clothes every day after I come home from school. (Our family even cancelled our big Thanksgiving get-together that we host at our house every year.) In short, I will do whatever I can to keep my family, my students, and my fellow citizens safe.

Unfortunately, not everyone is so inclined.

One of the last Facebook discussions I participated in was about the efficacy of mask-wearing. A friend said she is still waiting to see some data that proves masks prevent the spread of coronavirus. Despite the CDC, WHO, and every surgeon on earth agreeing that masks prevent the spread of infection, some people still need to “see the data.”

 

If you are like me and are growing weary of arguing with mask-deniers and election conspiracy theorists on Facebook, I have three questions you can ask them:

If you are Christian, then do you also need to see scientific data in order to believe in God?

If you are pro-life, then why would you refuse to wear a mask when it can help protect lives?

If you are a patriot, then why would you support Trump’s efforts to undermine American democracy?

You could ask your friends those questions, or you could quit Facebook and find healthier ways to occupy your time like reading Tolkien, hunting for hot rods, or doting over a grandbaby. Me? I’ll choose poopy diapers over internet trolls every time.

Snoozed, Unfollowed, Unfriended, Blocked, Deactivated

Once upon a time in America, when two people got together and discussed their political beliefs, there was a real chance that one or both of them might change their mind about something after listening to a different perspective. There was once a time when telling the truth mattered and “alternate facts” were simply called lies. Not long ago, people could debate important issues without vilifying those with whom they disagreed. However, in the wake of the 2020 presidential election, it is painfully clear that the age of civility in politics has officially ended.

The Age of Trumpism is upon us.

In the days after my latest column, entitled “Make America Kind Again”, was published in last week’s Journal, I was reminded of just how uninterested some of Trump’s followers are in treating Democrats like me with kindness. Over the last few months, I have snoozed, unfollowed, unfriended, and blocked more people on Facebook than I can count due to the overwhelming amount of animosity directed at me and people who share my beliefs. When that negativity became too much to bear last week, I finally did what I had been contemplating for a long time; I quit Facebook.

(And no, I did not switch to Parler.com, which is like Facebook but without a hate speech filter.)

The move was long overdue. I have wasted hours, days, weeks, and months of my life living vicariously through Facebook instead of living out loud in the real world where I belong. Facebook became an addiction, and after I quit drinking nearly four years ago, my dependence on Facebook became nearly as unhealthy as my dependence on alcohol.

For the longest time, my ego prevented me from deactivating my Facebook account. I was convinced that my Facebook friends’ lives would be irreparably harmed without a daily dose of Travis Naughton. I also believed that my writing career and sales of my books would be negatively impacted by abandoning social media. Then I remembered that I’m already not making any money as a writer. Dropping Facebook can’t make that situation any worse.

I do still have an Instagram account and a blog, so I’m not reverting entirely to the Stone Age. Instagram is mostly artsy photos and fun videos, and my blog is an outlet for my writing. Until politicians and their followers figure out how to ruin them, I’ll continue to use them to maintain an online presence—just in case I write the Great American Novel and need a way to promote it.

As a person who battles addiction, I have to be proactive in avoiding things that can become detrimental to my mental and physical health. Alcohol and Facebook both certainly fall into that category. Yes, they can be fun at times, but I know they aren’t good for me.

Just because I won’t be getting pulled into any more political arguments online doesn’t mean I’ll stop speaking up when I see injustices taking place or when I feel strongly about expressing my opinions about the current state of affairs in the world, in America, and here in Southern Boone County. In addition to politics, you can count on me to continue writing about adoption, parenting, teaching, baseball, and hot rods—and my smokin’ hot wife—on Page 4 of the Boone County Journal.

I do not expect you to agree with everything I write, nor do I expect to change your mind about those things on which we disagree. I do hope, sincerely, that you will see that the man writing this column each week is not just a liberal Democrat, but also a husband, a father, a grandfather, a kindergarten teacher, a classic car enthusiast, a Cardinals fan, and a patriot. 

Make no mistake, just because my political leanings may differ from yours does not mean that I love my country any less than you do. Maybe if we could all keep that in mind, then Facebook could go back to being a place to post pictures of our grandkids again. 

Until then, I’ll see you on Page 4.

Make America Kind Again

 

Unlike many of my Democrat friends, I did not celebrate the announcement that the Biden-Harris ticket had secured enough electoral votes to win the battle for the White House. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that they won. I really am. However, my enthusiasm was quickly tempered by the stark realization that many of my Republican friends will continue to embrace Trump’s habit of vilifying and de-humanizing anyone who dares oppose his divisive and hateful ways.

After Fox News and almost every major media outlet declared Biden the winner of the presidential election, my Facebook newsfeed became peppered with conspiracy theories and hate speech directed at the winning candidates. One local friend shared a post calling Joe Biden a pedophile. Another friend in mid-Missouri referred to Kamala Harris as an Uncle Tom. Several others repeated Trump’s baseless claim that election fraud is the reason Biden won. 

First of all, it is outrageous to accuse someone of such a heinous act as child molestation based on a fringe-media smear campaign instead of actual evidence. Second, for a white man to call a Black woman an Uncle Tom is just as racist as calling her the n-word. And giving credence to Trump’s completely unfounded accusations of a rigged election is irresponsible and dangerous as it only fans the flames of hatred.

I will make a promise to you right here, right now. If Donald Trump, with all of the resources of the Federal government at his disposal, can find any actual evidence of a concerted effort by Democrats to rig the election, then I will never write about politics in this newspaper again. (If Democrats could rig an election, then explain how Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham got re-elected.) The reason so many of the mail-in votes were for Biden is because Trump has been telling his followers for months that mail-in balloting is not to be trusted. As a result, far fewer Republicans voted by mail. That’s not fraud. It’s a simple case of Trump’s strategy backfiring.

It is my sincere wish that we can find a way to come together as the United States, instead of drifting farther apart as Red vs Blue States. Only time will tell.

I am cautiously optimistic that things will slowly start to improve after January 20. The fact that America has elected its first Black president (twice) and now its first Black, Asian, and female vice-president gives me hope. It should also give hope to people of color and to every little girl in America.

I am the father of an Asian daughter. Though Tiana is not eligible to be president or vice-president due to the Constitutional requirement that she must be a natural-born citizen, I hope she can now see that opportunities for Asian-Americans and women are virtually limitless. I am, in fact, the parent of two people of color, and I hope that Tiana and her brother Truman can look beyond the racism and hatred that has been proudly displayed over the last four years and see that America really is a nation of immigrants like them.

I am also a grandparent to a beautiful, seven-week-old baby girl named Freya, the daughter of my oldest son Alex. Perhaps she will grow up to be president someday, though I hope by then she will not be the first woman to hold the highest office in the land. As Vice-President-elect Harris said, she may be the first woman to be on a winning presidential ticket, but she will not be the last. Kamala Harris has proven that America truly is a land of opportunity for everyone, not just white men.

I cried happy tears while watching the senator’s victory speech on television last Saturday night, not solely because her words were powerful and moving, but because I saw so many young girls and people of color in the crowd crying tears of pride and joy and optimism for a better future. If you consider yourself a patriot, if you claim to love this country of ours, then I hope you will reject the conspiracy theories, the hate, and the divisiveness propagated by Donald Trump over the last four years and embrace this chance to Make America Kind Again.

November is National Adoption Month

 

Every year in November, I write a column to bring attention to National Adoption Month. As the parent of two adopted children, the biological parent of their big brother, and the former foster parent of two of my wife’s great nieces (who were eventually adopted by their grandmother), I feel compelled to sing the praises of adoption every chance I get.

There is an expression that some people invoke when they are confronted with the reality that there are, in fact, thousands of children in this country who are in desperate need of a loving family. It goes something like, “I wish I could adopt them all.” To these people, I offer the following sincere and stark reply: Why don’t you start with one?

The unfortunate fact is that most people who express a desire to “adopt them all” have no intention to adopt any. There are always excuses. “I don’t have the room.” “I don’t have the money.” “I don’t have the time.” I dare you to look into the eyes of a child who has been orphaned and tell them you don’t have the room, money, or time for them.

Actually, please don’t do that. 

There are currently over 123,000 children in foster care in the United States who are available for adoption. Here in Missouri, there are over 13,000 children in foster care, with over 1,500 of them still waiting for someone to apply to adopt them. Nationwide, over 20,000 kids “age-out” of the foster care system without ever having found a forever family.

Internationally, there are millions of children who are waiting for someone to call them son or daughter. A little boy born in southwest China in 2006 was one of those children. On November 3rd, 2008, in Nanning, China, two-year-old Truman became our son. Although our house was less than 2,000 square feet, we had the room. Although we had tens of thousands of dollars of debt (credit cards, car payments, student loans, mortgage) when we decided to pursue adoption, we followed the financial advice of Dave Ramsey and aggressively clawed our way out of debt so that we could afford to adopt. We also took advantage of adoption tax credits. And although we both had full-time jobs (and Bethany worked a second part-time job), we made the time. I quit my job to be a stay-at-home parent to our two sons.

We scrimped and saved for the next three years and in 2011 we hopped on another plane to China, this time to adopt our daughter Tiana. By then we really were running out of room, so we sold our home of 14 years and bought a bigger house. All that extra space came in handy when we took in Bethany’s nieces a couple of years later. For a solid year, five kids lived in our home, and I was only genetically related to one of them.

 

I don’t want you to get the impression that Bethany and I did anything heroic. We are just ordinary people who refused to allow the lack of room, money, or time to prevent us from growing our family through adoption and foster care. The fact is that just about anyone with the desire to open their hearts and home to a child can do so.

Happiness is losing track of how many adopted kids are in your family. I already mentioned Bethany’s nieces being adopted by their maternal grandmother. The girls’ great-uncle and his husband adopted two boys at around the same time. On my side of the family, I have one cousin who has, along with his husband, adopted two children, and another cousin who, along with his wife, adopted her three granddaughters. Interestingly, four babies born into our extended family over the years were adopted by loving people outside of our family.

If you are thinking about adding to your family, I strongly urge you to consider adoption. To get started, check out adoptuskids.org today.