Disney Trip Day Three: Welcome to the Jungle

After a good night's rest, my hallucinations went away long enough to allow me to function as close to normal as any Naughton can. The Naughtons and the Heckers packed the minivans with kids and headed to Disney's Animal Kingdom. It was a 20 minute drive followed by a ride on the Disney tram, which dropped us off at the front of the park. We arrived at around noon. As everyone approached the entrance, Charla had a revelation. "Who has the tickets?"

Stunned looks from everyone.

"Doug, did you bring the tickets?!"

"No."

"Love of my life, would you please be kind enough to go and retrieve said tickets from our luxurious accomidations back at the resort?"

"Certainly, dear. It would be my distinct pleasure." And off Doug went back on the tram, back to the van, back to the hotel, back to Disney, back to the tram, and finally back to the entrance while we waited in the gift shop.

"Thank you ever so much, my sweet," Charla said.

"Anything for you, my love," said Doug, who executed his husbandly duties without a moment's hesitation or argument.

Well, that's my interpretation of the conversation. Doug and Char may not have used those exact words, but you get the idea. I could feel the love. For the record, the Naughtons remembered to bring our tickets- as unbelievable as that may seem. For the rest of the day we saw neat animals (including some awesome dinosaurs), rode some decent rides, and had a lot of fun. The picture shows us in front of the Everest ride in the Nepal section of the park. The wait was too long to ride the coaster, but it made for a neat picture. And yes, all eleven members of our party were wearing tie-dye shirts made by Char, Olivia, and Morgan. Pretty cool, eh? At the end of our first day in the parks, we went back to the resort and swam in the pool. Alex swam like a dying baitfish, but he had a blast doing it. Bedtime brought the anticipation of another day of adventure on Monday. We would be going to Disney/MGM Studios that day. I can sum up that day in three words, "Tower of Terror!" Stay tuned...

Confucius says, "Always make sure you have your tickets before you leave the house."

Disney Day Two

Upon arriving at the luxurious Marriott Vacation Club Resort in Orlando after driving 18 hours straight, our rooms were not ready. A nap was all I had been thinking about for the last 6 or 8 hours of our drive and suddenly it was like someone had waited till Christmas Eve to tell me there was no Santa Claus. I was devastated. I told Bethany that I felt like crying. A real man can admit that. We were tired and hungry, so we ate lunch at the exotic Denny's a few blocks down the road while we waited to get into our rooms. After eating a mega-grand slam, I really needed a nap, so we went back to the resort where we discovered only one of our rooms was ready. It was decided that I and baby Duncan would share the room while everyone else swam at the pool. Problem was, Duncan decided he didn't need a nap. At the tender age of three months, he became a mini-olympian doing gymnastics and threatening to tumble right off the bed while I sat idly by and tried to sleep. Therefore, I gave up my quest for rest and assumed responsiblity for the boy's safety. I abandoned all hope for sleep and embraced my destiny. I was in the land of Disney afterall, and I knew I would not get much rest for the rest of the week. I'll sleep when I'm dead, I told myself. I prayed that day would come soon. Damn that Mouse!

Disney Trip Day One

Bethany, Alex, our niece Jessica, and myself planned on setting out on our adventure at about 4:00pm on Friday the 14th. We left Columbia at 6:00. Imagine that- the Naughtons running late. Alex wrote in his journal about our trip and I hope to post scanned images from it on this blog soon. I took over the driving from Bethany when the sun went down because she has a hard time seeing in the dark. (This is an important fact to keep in mind when I describe our return trip home later on.)

Somewhere in the middle of Georgia or maybe Tennessee, I began to go insane. Not just a little goofy. Completely mad. For a while I could have sworn that the Care Bears were dancing on the hood of the van obstructing my view of the road. Just north of Atlanta I had a conversation with a moonshiner about his experiences at Disney World.

"You ever been to Disney?" I asked the old hillbilly.

"Yeah, my family took me when I was a boy."

"How was it?"

"It was real good till I realized that they left me."

"Who left you?"

"My momma and daddy. I yelled outloud, 'Why you done gone and left me momma!? What I ever done to you!? Don't you love me no more!?' Course by then it was pretty obvious what the answer to that question was."

"That's awful. I can't believe they did that to you."

"Well, I suppose I had it comin'. I was a pretty ornery child."

"Still, you didn't deserve to be abandoned by your family."

"Still? Still!? Where's a still? That reminds me, I got a batch of hooch cookin' right now. I better run."

"Good talkin' to ya!" I yelled to the old-timer.

"You, too young fella," the man replied.

Then I realized that I was driving a mini-van at 75 mph on a dark highway in the middle of Georgia. Apparently there was never on old whiskey-runner talking to me about his childhood experiences in Orlando. When I made this realization, I pulled over and made Bethany drive the rest of the way to the resort. The sun began to rise, the birds began to sing, and I began to recount my conversation with my alter-ego to Bethany and Jessica. They found it very amusing and were as relieved as I was that I was no longer hallucinating behind the wheel.

Next installment: Day 2.

Hey, is that a Care Bear over there?

Surviving Disney

I am happy to report that after a week in Orlando, the Naughtons are safe and sound in Missouri once again. In the coming days, I will blog about the events and happinings that occurred during our week in the Land Of Mickey Mouse. For now, suffice it to say that after spending over 50 hours in a minivan during the past nine days, words can not express how tired I am. I simply have no energy for creative blogging right now. Therefore, you should check the blog every day this week for a day-by-day account of our first family vacation.

PS: Happy 14th birthday to not-so-little brother Taylor. Hope you had a good one.

Countdown to The Mouse

In five days, we will embark upon a pilgrimage to the home of Mickey Mouse. That's right, Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Each parent is contractually bound to make this voyage with their children at least once in their lifetime as part of the agreement in which the kids will someday agree to move out of the house. And it wouldn't be a Chevy Chase style family vacation without the obligatory road trip. Yes, we are driving 18 hours to spend five days at the happiest place on earth. Hopefully, unlike with the Griswolds when they arrived at Walley World, the amusement park will be open when we get there.

It gets better. Once we arrive, we will stay with Charla, Doug, their kids, Doug's mom, and our niece Jessie. There will be two teenagers and four kids six years of age and younger in our group. I keep hearing Clark Griswold saying, "This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy." I think I will chronicle our exploits and post the accounts of our journey on the blog. I kept a journal when I was a kid on our family vacation to D.C. It has been lost over this years however. Electronic journals are easier to keep track of. To read the Journal that Bill Herrin and I kept during our roadtrip to Vegas, click on the "Excellent Adventures" link on the right of this page. Click on the scanned images of the actual pages of the Journal to enlarge them so they are more intelligible. Not intelligent... intelligible.

Wish us "bon voyage." We just had a $1200 transmission put in our van two days ago. (Good timing.) So much for our "Disney on a Budget" theory. They have beer in Florida, right?

Flashback

We ventured to the land that time forgot over the holiday weekend. That is Hannibal MO. Not much has changed in the sleepy little river town that Mark Twain made famous over 150 years ago. Oh sure, they have electricity now, but its still Twain's Hannibal. There is of course the Mark Twain Boyhhod Home and Museum, Becky Thatcher's house, the lighthouse on Cardiff Hill, Mark Twain Cave, etc. Its like stepping back in time whenever visiting that town.

One particular moment caused me to instantly flashback to my formative years in Hannibal. I ran into my high school sweetheart, Liz. (My lovely wife doesn't get jealous when I talk about Liz because Bethany actually dated Liz's brother Adam when she was in high school.) Small towns!!! Anyway, when I saw Liz, I was suddenly transported back to the old days when she and I were together. I remembered how we had made big plans for our future and that we thought we would always be together. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Instead we have both married well, and produced healthy and happy offspring. As strange as it sounds, when I saw Liz's kids for the first time, a part of me thought, "those could have been my kids" had things gone a little differently. But my momma has always said, "Everything happens for a reason." If Liz and I would have stayed together, Alex would have never been born. Neither would Liz's boys. Bethany would probably be married to a doctor and living in a mansion by now, but she wouldn't be as happy. I may not make a lot of money, but I'm pretty sure nobody could make her laugh like I do. And I helped create that devil of a child that she loves more than anything in the world. So I guess momma was right.

Still, it was great to see Liz again. She looked great and seemed to relish her role as a mom. We have both come a long way since those awkward teenage years. I guess some things from Hannibal do change.

Happy Independence Day!

Be a patriot this year on the 4th of July. Drink a few Samuel Adams Summer Ales, blow stuff up, spend some quality time with the fam, and make plans now to vote for whomever will end the occupation in Iraq this November. I think a true patriot will recognize that leaving our sons, daughters, fathers, and mothers in the middle of the Iraqi Civil War is a far cry from having loved ones die defending our country in previous wars. Republicans can call it cutting and running, but the fact is that Republican polititians authorized an unjust war based on the fabrications and deceptions created by the Conservative Party. I don't call it cutting. I don't call it surrendering. I call it,"Saddam is out of the picture and we should be too." Dubya says we will stay until we defeat the terrorists. That is like saying we will stay in Vietnam until we defeat the communists. We would still be in Vietnam after 40 years of trying to defeat the communists. Are we as patriotic Americans willing to send our children and grandchildren to their deaths in the Middle East for the next 40 years?

This 4th of July, honor the sacrifices our service men and women have made for their country. Then make them a promise that you will do everything you can to make sure no more of them have to die in a war that should have never been. Be a patriot- vote Democrat.