150 by 50

When I stopped drinking alcohol four and a half years ago, I made a calculated decision to write about my struggle with addiction here in the pages of the Boone County Journal. I did so for two reasons. First, I hoped that my message might resonate with someone out there in Readerland who was struggling, too. Second, I wanted to hold myself accountable.  

Indeed, several people contacted me after I made my issues known. Some wanted to let me know that I was not alone. That knowledge brought me great comfort, and I thank those kind souls who reached out to me. One or two people were inspired to quit drinking after reading my column, and if I’ve done nothing else good with my life, at least I know that I helped a couple of people make the decision to take better care of themselves. 

 

Going public meant that I had the eyes of most of Southern Boone County watching for any missteps. In our close-knit community, I knew that I could not go to a bar, restaurant, orgrocery store to buy booze without someone noticing. I didn’t want to fail, and I didn’t want to let anyone—family, friends, students, coworkers, neighbors, or myself—down.

 

Luckily, my plan worked out pretty well. In fact, it went even better than I ever could have expected. In the first six months of my sobriety, I lost 35 pounds. Healthy eating, regular exercise, and cutting out thousands of empty calories from alcohol made me look and feel a decade or two younger.

 

In the years that have since passed, I have discovered a pair of truths about myself. One, I hate most forms of exercise. (Running is the bane of my existence. Sit-ups and burpees are my mortal enemies.) And two, I am as addicted to cookies, pies, and cakes as I am to booze. 

 

A loathing of exercise and a compulsion to stuff myself full of every baked good in the house is a dangerous combination. Unfortunately, I have found 30 of those 35 pounds I lost four years ago.

 

Addiction is a mental health issue, as is bipolar disorder, another of my afflictions. When I suffer from depressive episodes associated with bipolar disorder, I occasionally have the urge to drink. I know that I cannot allow myself a single sip, lest I fall into the abyss again. Chocolate chip cookies, on the other hand, seem like a pretty harmless way of comforting myself. However, I eat cookies the same way I drank alcohol—one is never enough.

 

Once again, I have decided to make my struggles public knowledge. Not for your pity or ridicule, but to hopefully make a meaningful connection to someone going through the same thing and to hold myself accountable. So, without further ado, I am officially cutting myself off from sweet treats such as cookies, cupcakes, brownies, cheesecakes, and other baked calorie bombs.

 

Avoiding desserts is a start, but I know that regular exercise is just as important to my health. Therefore, I am publicly committing myself to ride my bike, jump rope, walk, or hike regularly. No, I do not plan to torture myself with running, sit-ups, or burpees, but there are plenty of other ways I can get—and stay—in shape.

 

My goal is to lose 15 of those 30 pounds I’ve packed back onto my 5’7” frame. That will put me at an even 150 pounds. My target date for achieving this goal is four months from now, on my 50th birthday. “150 by 50!” 

 

My hero, Mister Rogers, famously kept his weight at 143 pounds for his entire adult life. The number 1 in 143 represents the number of letters in the word “I”, the 4 is for the number of letters in “love”, and 3 is for the letters in “you”. “143” = “I love you.” To maintain his weight, (and his secret message to himself), he swam laps at the pool every morning, ate a strictly vegetarian diet, and did not touch alcohol. Now, I’m no Fred Rogers, (I love bacon too much), but I might as well take another bit of inspiration from the man who has inspired me since I was a little boy. 

 

More than his healthy lifestyle, Mister Rogers will always be associated with kindness. In addition to showing kindness to others, Mister Rogers talked about how important it is to be kind to ourselves (143). By taking better care of ourselves—and forgiving ourselves when we mess up—we can be healthy and happy.

 

And with all the money I’ll be saving by not buying cookies and booze, maybe I can buy another hot rod. That would be a pretty great way to celebrate reaching my weight goal and my 50thbirthday. I’m sure Mister Rogers would approve.