The news reports said that a 24-year-old Columbia man was killed in a single car accident on Rock Quarry Road last week. While technically true, those news briefs failed to tell the real story about my young friend, Caleb Wheeler.
When my dear friends Buffy and Roy Lynn asked me to conduct the funeral service for their youngest son, I did not hesitate to say yes, despite having no idea how I would be able to properly honor Caleb while fighting to keep my composure during the service. I knew that as hard as it would be for me to hold it together, the emotional toll on Caleb’s parents would be much, much greater. Being there for them in their hour of need was the honor of my lifetime.
The following are excerpts from the remarks I made at Caleb’s funeral. May these words bring comfort to those who knew Caleb and to others who have faced the loss of a loved-one taken too soon.
“One of the first memories I have of Caleb was from around ten years ago, back when he was a young teenager tagging along with his older brother Cole and their parents Buffy and Roy Lynn who I became friends with through Roy’s brother Mike. We were gathered in the basement of Mike and Michelle’s old house on El Chaparral, telling stories and listening to music as we often did in those days.
“Unlike a lot of teenagers, Caleb and Cole seemed to actually enjoy hanging out with their parents and their parents’ friends. They did not strike me as the stereotypical moody, anti-social teens who would rather hide out in a dark corner of the room, away from all the boring grown-ups.
“As young as he was, Caleb had already developed a deep appreciation of various genres of music, and I was impressed with his knowledge and familiarity with a vast array of artists and songs. From Outlaw Country to Bluegrass and from Classic Rock to Rock-a-billy, Caleb appreciated all sorts of music. And he was quite a musician himself.
“At that young age, Caleb was learning how to play the fiddle and mandolin, and on that particular evening, he handed me his mandolin and gave me a quick lesson on how to play it. I had no idea what I was doing, but with his help, I was somehow able to play a few chords that sounded halfway decent. Honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered how it sounded because we were having way too much fun to care. Over the next few years, Caleb and I formed a strong bond through our love of music, and we became good friends.
“Caleb and I sat next to each other at Columbia’s Roots ‘n’ Blues music festival a few years ago when Brandi Carlile was performing. After her hauntingly beautiful song “Turpentine” ended, tears were streaming down my face. I looked over at my young friend and saw that he, too, had tears in his eyes. We shared a warm embrace and I knew right then and there that I loved him and that he loved me, too.
“To know Caleb Wheeler is to love him. From his classmates at Battle High School to his friends in his pool league and of course his family, EVERYONE who knows Caleb Wheeler LOVES Caleb Wheeler. I intentionally use the present tense when I say that we love Caleb. Although we will never see him in his physical form again, he will always be with us in spirit, in our hearts, for as long as we live.
“Music was not the only thing Caleb enjoyed during his time here on Earth. He was an avid fisherman and pool player. He loved spending time with his brother, his sister-in-law, his cousins, and of course miniature schnauzers. He enjoyed playing video games and Dungeons and Dragons with his friends, and was a huge fan of the Missouri Tigers, the Kansas City Chiefs, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the Kentucky Wildcats. He loved playing golf with his dad and his grandparents at the world-famous Mark Twain Country Club. And as his mother reminded me, Caleb enjoyed sneaking beers out of his Uncle Mike’s and Uncle Tyler’s coolers and refrigerators, too.
“We are here today both to seek comfort and to give it. It is particularly painful to lose a loved one at such a young age. The temptation is to say, ‘What great things would Caleb have done had he not been taken so soon?’ Such a question is impossible to answer, and is not useful in bringing comfort to those of us who are hurting.
“Instead, I think it would be more appropriate to acknowledge all the wonderful things Caleb did accomplish in his 24 years. Graduating from high school, playing musical instruments, attending college, becoming a formidable competitor in pool, and having the disciple to become a sushi chef are all things that required hard work and dedication to accomplish.
“But there is one more thing that Caleb achieved in life that is perhaps the greatest feat of all. Do me a favor if you will, and take a moment to look around the room. Look at the faces of all the people who are gathered here today. As you do so, understand that each and every person you see is here because of one thing. All of us, regardless of where we’re from, regardless of who we voted for, regardless of our religious backgrounds, are here because we love Caleb. It is Love that brings us together, and I find it a great comfort to know that Caleb, in his eternal life, loves us just as much as we love him.
“Buffy, Roy Lynn, and Cole, may the love of your friends and family give you peace as you navigate this difficult moment in your lives. And to you Caleb, I will not say ‘goodbye’ because if there is a God in Heaven, then surely he will reunite us someday. Until then, my friend…”
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