May is Mental Health Awareness Month

 Former Boone County Journal publisher Bruce Wallace, a good friend of mine, just called a minute ago to catch up and to make sure I’m doing okay. It was great to hear a friendly voice, and it was down right medicinal to laugh out loud as we swapped stories. His was the fourth or fifth phone call I received in the last week or two from a friend or family member who was concerned about me. I appreciate Bruce and everyone who has reached out to me recently. To them I would like to give my sincerest thanks. 

Mental Health Awareness Month is a great time to check in on loved ones who might be struggling with their emotional wellbeing. It’s also an opportunity for all of us to do mental health self-assessments. In the past, I have written extensively about navigating life as a recovering alcoholic and someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Those two issues are tough to handle on their own, but when I am forced to deal with other emotional crises as they come along, doing so as a bipolar alcoholic makes it incredibly daunting.

 

Over the last few weeks, my family has been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. I can’t go into detail out of respect for everyone’s privacy, but suffice to say that families are messy and imperfect and as another great friend, Crystal Branch, said when she checked in on me recently, “Parenting is not for the faint of heart.”

While we were busy dealing with these issues, our family’s beloved miniature schnauzer died unexpectedly. Louie was only eight years old and in good health, and his sudden death came as a tremendous shock to all of us. The loss was particularly difficult for me. It is no secret that Louie was really MY dog, which I’m sure everyone in the family would agree. He was the sweetest dog I’ve ever had, and I miss him terribly.

You may have noticed that my column didn’t appear in last week’s paper. I usually write and submit my articles on Sundays, but last Sunday was Mother’s Day and I was in no mood whatsoever to write. While scrolling through social media that day, my newsfeed was full of photos of smiling mothers and children having fun and sharing warm embraces, but it brought me no joy at all because it was the 14th Mother’s Day that has come and gone since my mom died of cancer at the age of 61. My profound sadness last Sunday rendered me completely incapable of writing.

There have been so many times over the years that I have wished my mom was here to turn to for comfort or guidance. With everything our family has gone through over the last few weeks and months, I find myself still yearning for my mother, despite being 50 years old.

I don’t just miss Mom during the hard times. Oh, how I wish she would have been able to meet and enjoy spending time with all of her grandkids. Alex was eight when his Nonna (as Mom liked to be called instead of grandma) died. Truman was two and had only been with our family for a month, but at least Mom got to meet him and tell him “I love you.” She never met any of her three granddaughters or her great-granddaughter which is truly tragic because they would have benefitted greatly from having such a strong, positive female role model, such as she was, to help guide them through life.

Luckily, those kids have amazing mothers looking out for them. The mother of my children, my beautiful bride Bethany, has become the person I turn to in good times and in bad. I would be completely lost without her. I regret that I did not do more to make her Mother’s Day the best it could be, but I honestly had nothing but grief to give to the world that day.

I’m feeling a bit better today. A little more hopeful. I am at least able to write, though I fear that this is not my best work. But that’s sort of the point. When a person is struggling with their mental health, just getting out of bed in the morning can be difficult. At times like these, getting dressed and leaving the house might be considered big achievements. Mustering the strength to go to work or write or make music or paint a portrait can seem like an impossible challenge to someone who is emotionally unwell, but if that person does manage to complete such a task, then he or she might feel a small sense of accomplishment and hope for the future.

Baby steps.

For people like me with mental health issues, struggling on the path to happiness and contentment, the ability to take baby steps is crucial. Eventually, with the love and support of good friends and family members, I will get there. 

And you will, too.