Innocence Lost (and Found)

Can you look back at your life and pinpoint the exact moment that your childhood innocence was lost? It may have been the first time you stole something, had sex, witnessed a murder, etc. I can tell you the exact moment in time that changed me forever.

I was a 17 year old boy living in Hannibal, Mo back in 1988. On a cold, wintry day I went to my friend Rick's house to hang out. When I arrived, Rick said his folks were gone for the day and we were going to raid their liquor cabinet. I initially hesitated, but eventually caved to the pressure. Rick told me if I didn't drink a shot, then he would pour it all over me so that my dad would smell alcohol on me when I went home. Eighteen shots and a bologna sandwich later, I puked my guts out all over his house. A little while later my girlfriend, who was back in town during winter break, came over and tried to comfort me as I recovered from the ordeal. (The irony is that she had been a bit of a party girl before we began dating and I told her that I would not tolerate being with someone who drank. We were only in high school after all. She never drank a drop the entire two years we were together, but after she went off to college, we both made some pretty lousy choices.) I was ashamed of myself, and as I sobered up I realized my dad would be coming to pick me up soon. I knew Dad would kill me as soon as he smelled me, so I made my peace with the universe and prepared to die.

When I got in the car, Dad looked at me and asked, "What's that smell?" My heart skipped a beat as I tried to think of an answer. Before I could speak he added, "It smells like hot dogs." Amazed at my luck, I replied that I had just eaten a bologna sandwich (which was true) and he let it go. Right then and there my life was forever changed. My innocence was gone. One day I was this honest kid who never lied to his parents, never drank alcohol, and never hung out with the "wrong crowd". The next day, I was everything I despised.

Years later, I broke off the friendship that started me down the wrong path. I asked myself how I let someone influence me in such negative ways. Sure, I had a lot of fun during my "party days", but at what cost? The biggest cost was paid in the form of another friendship that virtually ended at the same time that my friendship with Rick developed.

Trey Latta was my best friend from fourth through tenth grade. For seven years, we were inseparable. We both were products of divorced parents, enjoyed the same activities, and lived a few blocks from each other. Its fair to say I spent more time at Trey's house than at my own during those years. In fact, my mom rented and occupied the basement of Trey's house for a few years. We were more like brothers than friends. When high school rolled around, I spent more and more time with Rick, who sat beside me in band. Eventually, Trey started spending more time with other people too, and after a time, we stopped hanging out altogether. Trey didn't go out drinking every weekend. He didn't lie to his parents. He didn't turn his back on his childhood friend. But I sure did. Although I cherish my other friends now, I've never had a bond with any of them nearly as strong as the one I had with Trey. My best friendship was lost at the same time as my innocence back in 1988. I ran into Trey during college once in a while, but until this past weekend I hadn't seen nor spoken to him since our ten-year reunion in back in 2000.

Thanks to my blog, Trey found me and contacted me a few weeks ago. We emailed back and forth and he said that he is living in St. Peters, Mo now. I told him that I would be in his town for the grand opening of our new Treats Unleashed store on Dec. 1 and we made plans to get together. When I saw him walking into the store, my anxiety instantly faded away and smiles spread over both of our faces. I met his beautiful wife and children. He met Alex (Bethany had to work that day). We asked about each other's parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. We watched his 18 month old son eat cookie after cookie while my son was sneaking even more behind my back. We laughed about old memories and talked for over an hour. In that short amount of time, all of those warm feelings of our childhood returned, without any ill feelings or resentment whatsoever. It was great to see Trey again.

I've come a long way since that day at Rick's house. (I hate to say this) I've matured. I've learned. I've healed. I am pretty much the person I want to be. Its been a long process, but when I spoke to my old friend that day I got the sense that I had found what was once lost: A best friend. A brother. My innocence. My self. And for the first time in decades, I realized that I actually like who I am. That's a pretty good feeling. Thanks Trey.