Brother Travis

Don't laugh, but today I became a legal, ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Okay, go ahead and laugh if you want, but it's no joke. The ULC explicitly frowns upon becoming ordained as a joke. I read that somewhere on their web page. However, the mission of my ministry will be to promote and encourage laughter, which will help make people happy, which will in turn help make the world a better place. Naive? Maybe. I can hear you snickering as you read this. And that's perfectly fine with me. That's the whole idea.

After witnessing my friends Troy and Anita getting hitched by their mutual friend The Right Reverend Brandi Woolery (a beautiful soul who became ordained for the sole purpose of officiating their ceremony) I became intrigued by the idea of becoming a minister. After some soul searching and Internet surfing, I decided to take the plunge. The ULC has two specific reasons for being: To promote freedom of (and/or from) religion and to always do that which is right. They will ordain anyone from any denomination including Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, Atheists, etc. And they do it for free. The idea is to encourage people to feel free to practice (or not practice) their religion of choice without fear or shame. And we all know I have no shame.

By now you must be asking yourself, "What denomination is this wacko going to align himself with?" Well, the simple answer is none of the above. I have a working knowledge of several of the world's religions and have yet to find one that has satisfied my lifelong quest to make sense of my existence. Having a degree in philosophy, I have come to the conclusion that no single religion has all the answers. Each offers something of spiritual value to anyone who can stay awake during their weekly services, but none are absolutely right (or wrong.) Therefore, I think the world needs a new "religion" if you will. That's where I come in.

Welcoming believers and non-believers from every walk of life, the "ministry" I am creating will be focused on making the world a better place through laughter. (I know, it's not much different from what I've been doing up to this point of my life.) There are a few distinct differences though. As an ordained minister, I will legally be able to perform wedding ceremonies, baptisms, funerals, and even exorcisms! So I've got that going for me.

Why? For one thing, I think it will be really fun to call myself the Right Reverend Travis or Brother Travis, or whatever title I am willing to pay ULC twenty bucks to put on my certificate. For a little more, I could call myself Dr. Naughton, but somehow I think that would really piss off my brother who paid dearly for his doctorate from Stanford. Also, I can see all of my friends laughing and smiling and shaking their heads in disbelief every time they think of me being a minister--and that makes me happy. Really, the only goal I have is to make my friends laugh and hopefully they will take that laughter with them wherever they go and spread it around like the flu or herpes maybe.

Anyway, I thought you would be amused to know that your friend Travis Naughton is a now bona fide man of the cloth (well, some or other kind of cloth.) I am leaning toward calling myself Brother Travis or Brother T, but you can call me whatever you like, as long as there's a smile on your face. That's why I'm here.