On Tuesday morning, the Great Blizzard of 2011 began and I drove my beautiful wife from our home in Hartsburg to Columbia so she could be at work at University Hospital instead of being snow-bound like Alex, Truman, and I. She didn't want to go, but I assured her I would be able to come get her the next day in my four wheel drive. I can admit now that I may have made a slight miscalculation. Apparently, when two feet of blowing and drifting powdery snow accumulate on top of a quarter inch of ice, four wheel drive becomes useless. Especially when the overconfident driver of said vehicle foolishly crosses over an icy dam with no guardrails at the bottom of a steep hill that doubles as his driveway only to realize too late that it is impossible to drive back across the next day to pick up his now highly irritated wife. Oops.
Our next door neighbor, who usually plows our driveway when it snows, had a stroke-like episode the night the ice started forming. He was resting comfortably in town as the snow fell the next day while we were stranded three miles from civilization. And Bethany was stranded in Columbia. After being released from the hospital, Ron (our neighbor) was feeling much better and hitched a ride with his son-in-law to our neighborhood as soon as the county worker had plowed to the top of our quarter-mile long, hilly, ice and snow covered driveway. He walked from the road to his house, threw some snow chains and a plow on his tractor, and proceeded to spin his wheels in vain on the slick driveway. I advised him to give up before he slid to his death in the pond that our driveway dams up. I missed my wife, I was running out of beer, and soon, all hope was lost.
Today, Ron was able to get his Bobcat out of his son's driveway after the county plowed his road. He trailored it to our road, hoppped on, and quickly realized that it was yet another futile attempt. A steep hill covered in snow and ice is a formidable opponent to any piece of machinery. Undeterred, Ron drove to the nearest Bobcat dealer and purchased a new set of bulldozer-like treads and had them installed to the tune of $3,000. Yes, you read that right--THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS! He returned a short while later and successfully cleared a path from the road to our garage--and his garage, too. I was able to drive my truck (which I spent over $1000 on to get the four-wheel-drive fixed and new snow tires installed one week ago) to the top of the hill and retrieve my lovely wife, who I hadn't seen in 2 1/2 days. And she brought beer!
To unwind after the stress of the past few days and to kill the pain in my knees and lower back after three days of useless shoveling, I took a nice, hot, three-beer bath. That is to say, I listened to Coldplay's X and Y from start to finish while downing three beers in a scalding-hot tub of life-affirming water. I am happy now. Life can get back to normal. And I may even be able to finally enjoy the remnants of the Blizzard of '11.
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