A Blog a Day...

I have nothing of any significance to write today. However, if I don't post a new message regularly, I might lose my audience. I know that there are literally millions of fans out there who have come to count on my daily bits of wit and wisdom to help get them through day after day of their otherwise meaningless lives. You can count on me to continue to be your reason to live. When nothing else is worth waking up for, at least you can look forward to reading my blog every day. I'm happy to do this for you. Its my way of making the world a better place.

Birthday Surprises

First, I woke up to breakfast in bed this morning. Chocolate pancakes with marshmallows cooked right in. (Thank you Bethany and Alex!) Then, I got to watch golf, football, and car racing with no interruptions. For dinner I ate a perfect ribeye steak, red potatoes, and a salad. (Thanks Bethany and Glee!) For dessert I ate angel food cake with chocolate icing and peanut butter cup and fudge ice cream. (Thanks Mommy!) Then, my Mommy gave me a sweet Mizzou pullover for tailgating season. Bethany and Alex gave me the new NCAA Football game for PS2. And in addition to the guitar instruction DVD's that my Mommy-in -Law gave me, she also blessed me with an authentic Steve Urkel doll. Yes, you read that correctly. (See photo.) She said the picture of me that I posted on this blog just yesterday bore such a striking resemblence to Urkel that she couldn't resist buying the doll for me. Thank you to all of my family for the great gifts, cards, and phone calls. Today was filled with lots of fun and surprises. I can't wait to see the look on Bethany's face when she wakes up in the middle of the night and sees Urkel smiling at her..."Surprise!"

Another Year Older, And Better Looking

Some things do get better with age. Take me for example. In grade school I wore Garanimals and had a wicked 1970's hair cut. In junior high I wore parachute pants and a "Where's the Beef?" t-shirt. In high school I wore turtlenecks that made my "bitchin' mullet" look even more ridiculous than it already was. I later had a braided pony tail that made me look almost as cool as Jordan from New Kids on the Block. But now, look at me. I look good. Women want to be with me and men want to be me. College girls shamelessly throw themselves at me. My wife can barely make it through a day at work without getting fired because she daydreams incessantly about me. How lucky must she feel to be married to a handsome stud like me who keeps her feeling young in her old age!

Only three more shopping days 'till...

That's right kids, there are only a few more days to find that perfect gift for yours truly. My birthday is on Sunday the 25th. I will be at least 21 years old. I would like 3-inch dual exhausts with deafening glass packs for my 1996 Crown Vic cop car. I would like a CD player and tinted windows as well. I would also accept a Black, 1957 Chevrolet Nomad with the afformentioned customizations. These are just suggestions. If you want to give me something a little less materialistic, you can donate to the Hurricane Katrina Fund in my name.

The things I do NOT want for my birthday include, but are not limited to, eyeglasses, a cane, knee replacements, or Depends Undergarments. I am still a young man despite what my son thinks! Let's face it, if I shaved more than once a week I could still pass for a high school student. Can you say "21 Jump Street"?! Thank you in advance for all my wonderful gifts. I will allow a select few of my female friends to administer the obligatory birthday spankin' by appointment only. I will reveal my true age then so you can get the number of swats correct. (I wouldn't want to get cheated.) So post your comments here to sign up, ladies. Its good to be the birthday boy!

Life is a Circus

Tonight, we are taking Alex to his first circus. Although it is a small, unknown troupe that is a far cry from Ringling Brothers, it can be a valuable teaching tool for our son. It will give him a clue of what to expect when he goes to school next year. First there is the Ringleader. He is the one who appears to be in charge of everything that happens at the circus. He tells the audience what is happening and seems to "direct" activity under the big top. Alex will encounter people like this when he goes to school. There is a kid in every class who takes center stage and acts like he is the boss of everyone. He also has a knack for talking a lot. Alex may fill this role himself when he goes to Kindergarten. Next there are the performers themselves. They live for attention and perform dangerous or even stupid stunts just to get noticed. That sounds like Alex, too. He'll probably jump off the merry-go-round or the top of the slide to impress his buddies. Hopefully he won't try sword-swallowing, fire-breathing, or lion-taming. I could see him trying a trapeze act on the swingset, though. Then we have the clowns. What better word is there to describe my son (or his father)? There is always that one kid in class who will do anything to get a laugh. He will "read" the blank page at the front of a text book to crack up the nerdy guy sitting next to him. He will put a Playboy Centerfold in the projector screen so that when the teacher unrolls it for some boring filmstrip, the class will get a special surprise. He will make fart noises in the back of the room after everyone falls silent during an important test. Am I talking about Alex or myself? At any rate, going to the circus (or school) prepares a kid for what to expect in life. I hope he enjoys it as much as I did when I was a kid. I hope they have cotton candy!