It's a Dog's World- We're Just Living in It

Tomorrow is a red letter day on the calendar. I will begin training with Kate, the current manager of Doggie Empawrium, to become her successor. Although I worked at the store on a part-time basis over the past three years, I need to be brought up to speed regarding the daily operation of the business. I will learn everything I can over the next few days and will officially take over as the new store manager next monday. But don't worry about me. I think I can handle the stress of working everyday- even after having the past year off. You see, I will ease into my new career by working three-hour days until Alex starts summer school in June. Then, I should be ready for full-time employment. It has been since November of 2002 that I have held a full-time job (not including my un-paid occupation as a "stay-at-home" dad.) I can't be expected to jump in with both feet right away!

Come see me at the store starting May 8. I will work weekday mornings during the month of May. For those of you who have dogs or cats and have never been to the store, I invite you to check it out. We sell the highest quality foods, treats, toys, beds, clothing, leashes, collars, and more that you can find for your pet. In today's society, pets are treated like members of the family. You give your kids the best, so give your pets the best, too. Bring your dog to the store for a free treat and to meet our friendly staff. Kim, Michelle, and Lisa (and Kate for four more days) will be on hand to spoil your four-legged friend while answering your questions and providing the very best customer service in the pet industry. Hopefully, with my help as manager, you will find that no other retail business in Columbia comes close to providing the quality of service, products, and fun that our store does.

Am I starting to sound employed or what?!

I'll be a monkey's uncle!

In this case, the little monkey is Duncan Bradley Hecker. Bethany's twin sister Charla and her husband Doug are the proud parents of an 8 lb, 9 oz bouncing baby boy born yesterday afternoon in Kansas City MO. Congrats to them both and an "atta boy!" shout out to Doug, who on his fourth try successfully conceived a male heir to his throne.

We'll be in KC this weekend to behold the child and to give mom and dad some support and a chance to rest (by entertaining the other kids). It will be nice to hold a baby boy again. My baby boy is big enough to hold me!

Oil Insanity

Here I go again. In August, 2001 George Bush and the Republican congress passes a bill that gave a $16 BILLION tax break to the oil industry. In the most recent financial quarter, Exxon Mobil reported a $37 BILLION profit. Meanwhile, we are paying $3.00 a gallon for gas and the oil companies and the President simply say that it is a matter of supply and demand. Exxon has said that the reason prices are so high is that there are not enough refineries to produce the amount of gas the consumers demand. They also said that they would not spend one red cent of that $37 billion profit on building new refineries. Why would they? They just made the biggest profit in the history of the United States. To them, there is no crisis. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Dubya, Dick Cheney, Saddam Hussein, the Bin Laden family, and the "presidents" and royal families of Iran, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria etc all have one thing in common. They either own, have owned, or control part or all of the oil industry in their respective countries. In other words, our President and Vice-President are a part of the problem, not the solution. They are members of the oil cartel. The Bush family has been drilling oil in the middle-east for generations and has been virtually adopted by the Saudi royal family. Dubya owned his own oil company for a while, but then partnered with some folks named bin Laden in some oil ventures in the middle-east. Cheney was the CEO of Halliburton, a gas and oil services contractor that has made over $10 billion in Iraq since the Vice-President conspired with the administration to go to war there. Why? Cheney's stock options in Halliburton are now worth over $8 million dollars. That stock was worth less than $250,000 before the war.

Bush says he's doing all he can to help Americans during this crisis. Do we believe him? His 34% approval rating tells us all we need to know. Of course he doesn't pay any attention to polls. He just does what he thinks is right for our country. What more could we ask from our President?

E85 Fuel is Cool

We recently purchased a 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan. It is perfectly functional and Bethany loves it. Now I love it, too. Why? It runs on E85 fuel. 85% ethanol, 15% gasoline. It is made from good old Missouri corn, so it supports the local economy instead of terrorists. It burns cleaner than gas, so it makes less pollution. And oh yeah- it costs 50 cents per gallon less than gas!!! When everyone else is paying three bucks a gallon for gas, we will be spending about $10 less per fill up.

Almost all domestic car manufacturers and several foreign automakers are producing vehicles that can run on E85. I urge everyone to get one when it comes time to buy your next car or truck. Check out E85Fuel.com for more info. The sooner we can tell Iran and their oil cartel buddies that we won't be giving them another dime for their precious oil the better.

Now if only they made an E85 conversion kit for the cars we already own... I can't be expected to part with my 1996 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor can I?!

Paul & The Violent Farmers in Columbia

Mark your calendars now for Friday May 12. Paulie will be performing on the patio at Deja Vu in downtown Columbia at 9:00pm. Since I have been a less than adequate manager, I hope to step up to the plate as Paul's promoter. That means that I expect everyone I know to come out for a night of indescribable comedy and song. With tunes like "Torso Girl" and "I'm Not a Psycho, I'm in Love", I guarantee that Paulie will make you laugh till you cry.

If you don't come to the show, I will assume that you no longer love me and that you never wish to see me again. Then I will sink into an abyss of depression culminating in me showing up on your doorstep drunk, bloodied, and half-naked at three in the morning shouting, "Why have you forsaken me?!" at the top of my lungs until the neighbors call the police and you get your name in the paper for a "domestic disturbance" the cops responded to at your house in which a drunken, bleeding, naked man was shouting at the top of his lungs at three in the morning about you forsaking him and then your co-workers ridicule you about it the next day at work after reading about the "incident" while drinking their morning coffee causing you to leave work early which pisses the boss off and gets you fired leading you to getting drunk and showing up bleeding and half-naked on someone else's doorstep at three in the morning and so on...

Wouldn't it just be easier to go see Paulie's show? I'll see you then- and tell everyone you know to be there to. I promise it will be more fun than the alternative.