Here We Go Again

Why can't we find a daycare where we can drop off our son and not worry about him:

a. smearing dog shit all over himself while the supervisor was supposedly watching the kids.(Happened when he was two.)

b. being left at a house with up to 20 kids with an unlicensed supervisor while the licensed one worked as a waitress 30 miles away in Boonville. (Happened at same place as previous incident.)

c. getting bit by another boy who was subsequently punished by being forced to drink tabasco sauce at the age of three. (Happened at a church-run daycare!)

d. being indoctrinated and forced to pray for an hour each morning although no mention was ever made in advance by the director that theirs was a religious daycare (Happened less than a month ago).

e. being shot to death. Although he hasn't been shot yet, Alex's new friend at daycare whose Mommy runs the state licensed, in-home center, took him to a room where the kids aren't allowed and showed him his dad's guns. They were locked in a glass-front gun case. When I confronted the woman about this startling revalation, she said the kids never go in that room. I asked Alex in front of her if he went in the room and he said yes. She said he probably meant that he peeked into the room, but that he couldn't have been in it because of the baby gate! Alex climbs 20' into trees. I doubt a 3' baby gate will stop him. He showed us where he and his friend stood in front of the case and admired the weapons. His teacher assured me that the case is always locked, the key well hidden, her son knows not to mess with it, and it was just a fluke that they got into the room. So I told her about another fluke:

My 13 year old brother Taylor had a best friend who was shot to death by his 9 year old brother a few weeks ago. Their father was a sheriff's deputy who accidentally forgot to lock up his police-issued revolver. A law enforcement officer who probably arrested dozens of people on various weapons charges, was always careful to lock up his weapons at home, and educated his sons about gun safety somehow ended up with one dead child and another scarred for life. I explained to Alex's teacher that this was just a fluke, too.

She promised that the kids will no longer have access to the bedroom through which the boys ventured to get to the gun room. She promised to talk to her son about going in there and showing his friends his dad's guns. She apologized. She explained that the state allows licensed daycares in homes to have guns in them if they are locked and the room made off-limits. Somehow, I don't feel much better despite her assurances. I told her that I would be shocked if I went to a licensed daycare center that was not in someone's home, but instead in a commercial setting, and found guns in the building. I don't think there should be guns in a licensed daycare center- even if its in someone's home. I told her that guns and kids don't mix. What's next? Guns in kindergarten? Could you imagine finding a glass-front gun case proudly displaying a dozen or so instruments of death in your child's classroom? No? Well, imagine finding one in your child's daycare center...

Why did I go back to work?

A Guy Walks Into My Store...

After the man takes a quick look around the store he asks, "You don't sell geckos?"

"No we don't sell animals here."

"Do you know who does?"

(I told him how to get to the nearest pet store.)

"Well, I was driving by and I saw your sign that said 'Doggie Empawrium' and I thought for sure you would have geckos."

"Huh. (And when you see a sign that reads 'OB-GYN', do you think for sure that they would have strippers?) Well, thanks for stopping in!"

"Doggie Empawrium. This is Travis, can I help you?"

"Do you sell belly straps for dogs?"

"Do we sell what?"

"Belly straps."

"I don't..."

"Its a strap you put around your dog's... you know. So he won't pee in the house."

"Uh, we sure don't. Sorry."

"Oh you don't? Okay... well thanks anyway."

"No problem."

I wonder if she thinks that's how you potty train a child too...

Work vs. The Blog

It's an outrage! It oughtta be illegal! Letting a job get in the way of blogging- don't they know he has fans out there who depend on his daily witticisms and yammerings?! I know, I know. These are the things you've been shrieking outloud to anyone who will listen since I started back at work. I understand. I really do.

In the past two weeks I have worked more hours than in the previous 50. A year's worth of work in two weeks. You try that. I dare you. I can handle it, though. That's why I'm the manager!

I am just now starting to get comfortable in my new digs and am finally getting most of the items on my "to do" list accomplished. So starting next week, I should be back to my regularly blogging self again. Tell your friends, wake the kids, and phone the neighbors. The Travis Naughton Experience is back!

P.S. Actual phone call I took at the store the other day:

"Doggie Empawrium, this is Travis. Can I help you?"

"Do you have any dog laxatives?"

"I couldn't hear you. Could you please repeat that?"

"Dog laxatives."

"No we don't have anything like that here."

(Silence)

"We don't sell any medicines. I'm sorry."

"Okay, thanks."

"Thanks for calling. Good luck." (Remind me to be out of town when Rover's levee breaks. Let's just hope its not a St. Bernard.)

Fire, Beer, and Violent Farmers

Paul's return to the Vu was postponed due to what the Deja Vu folks called, "inclement" weather. I called it "sittin' around a campfire, drinkin' beer, and listening to music weather. So Paul and his fans implemented plan B and travelled south to the Hartsburg Hills for an evening of fun- Naughton style. Paul and Jeff graced us with several original tunes and I provided a fire worthy of the highest praise. Even Jerry couldn't stop himself from complementing my pyro-prowess. Thanks to him and Lisa, Paul and Carrie, Jeff, Kevin, and Bethany for indulging my craving for an evening of redneck entertainment in its purest form.

Stay tuned for an annoncement for a make up date for Paul & the Violent Farmers' return to Deja Vu.