"It's a major award!"

Ralphie's dad exclaimed this when he received the legendary Leg Lamp in "A Christmas Story." The old man was bursting with pride at his major award. Well, that's how I felt the other day when Alex's teacher told me that Alex would be receiving an award at the school's monthly assembly. She told me that Bethany and I should come see he win his award and that it was a surprise. You can imagine the excitement I felt. Would it be a 50" tall plastic leg lamp complete with fishnet stockings that Alex would receive? I doubted it, but still I was giddy with anticipation. When each day that you pick your child up from school you expect the teacher to tell you about the latest way that he has found to get himself into trouble , it comes as a welcome surprise to learn that he has been noticed doing something right.

So, yesterday at breakfast I asked Alex what he would be doing at school that day and he said they were having an assembly. He didn't know about his award, but he said parents usually come to these things and that he wished we could, too. We told him we would try, but no promises. Bethany took him to the bus stop and he went on to school thinking that we wouldn't show up. But when he walked into the gym/cafeteria/auditorium his face lit up as he saw Mommy & Daddy sitting in the audience.

After some excruciatingly boring readings by some second graders, Mr. Salmons, the principal introduced all of the special award winners for the month. Two or three kids from each class received recognition for something, including our son. "...For demonstrating excellence in both reading and writing, Alex Naughton." (Hold your applause till everone's name has been read.)

Reading and writing! Who knew how to write all his letters before he was even four years old? Who started reading Dr. Seuss books at that tender age? Who taught him how to write while doing that "stay at home dad" thing? Who has the best mommy in the world because she reads to him every night before bed? A major award indeed. Only he didn't receive a magnificent (if not profane) lamp. He won a pencil. A really cool pencil that says "Superstar" on it.

Oh yeah, when his name and achievement were announced, Alex wasn't paying attention. His teacher had to tap him on the shoulder and tell him to go up front. It wasn't until Bethany picked him up at the end of the day that he finally learned what he had been rewarded for.

You Wouldn't Hit a Man With Glasses...

I have held a Bachelor's degree in philosophy for almost 10 years now. Finally, I look the part. Glasses really do make people look smarter, don't you think? I already looked dead sexy, so there's no difference there.

I will deny till the death that there is any resemblance between myself and my dear brother Blake. I have more hair.

With age comes Wisdom...

...Wisdom teeth, that is. In a year in which I have had every square inch of my body checked out from my prostate to my heart to my eyes, it appears that a long overdue visit to the dentist may be in order. One of my wisdom teeth has decided to make an appearance after 35 years of stage fright. The problem is that the curtain to its stage is only half-way open, allowing part of the shy tooth to remain hidden from view. In other words, the gum that has sheltered the reclusive tooth all of these years is not cooperating.

The pain I have been in for the past week or so has been about as unpleasant as you might expect. Thank goodness for Advil, Tylenol, and the like. Pain relievers are but a temporary solution however and I am making mental plans to visit a dentist soon. It will take some mental preparation because it has been 15 years since I last sat in the Chair of Despair. On that occasion, I had a tooth pulled by a dentist who never even bothered to introduce himself. To this day I have no idea what his name was. After his assistant did all the x-rays and such, he simply strolled in and started yanking on my tooth. After struggling for a few minutes, he uttered an "Oops!" followed by a "Where'd it go?" I felt the extracted bicuspid trying to seek refuge in the back of my throat and promptly coughed it up for the befuddled doctor. He laughed a relieved laugh and said "There it is." Then he left the room, never to be seen again.

For almost a full year afterward, I had a hole in my gum that specialized in trapping partially masticated foods. I also had a collections agent harass me after my mommy's insurance company refused to pay the bill (without bothering to inform anyone.) So I had sworn off dentists- until now. Diligent brushing, over the counter tooth whitening, and occasional flossing can only go so far. Only Tom Hanks' character in Castaway is capable of removing a problem wisdom tooth without the aid of a dentist and a morphine drip. (I sure as Hell won't be using the blade of an ice skate like he did.) It seems that I will have to "man-up" and make an appointment with a professional soon.

How ironic that only two months ago, Bethany asked if I wanted to be added to her dental insurance. After a decade and a half of self reliance and dental independence, I said "No."
Socrates was once called "the wisest man in the world" by one of his followers. He replied that true wisdom comes from one's ability to admit that he doesn't know anything. I'm feeling pretty wise lately. I guess that's why they're called "wisdom teeth."

Adoption Update

I thought those of you following the saga of the Naughton family would like an update regarding our plans to adopt a baby girl from China. Since starting the process in October, we have completed all of our paperwork and had three interviews with a social worker. The social worker is finalizing her report called a home study that will determine if we would be reasonably good parents. When we receive our copy of the home study we will submit our dossier to the State Department and then the Chinese Consulate in Chicago. After they have received everything and approve us for adopting, we will be assigned a "log in date" or L.I.D. When a family is logged in, they are officially on the waiting list for a child. We can expect to be logged in within two or three months from now.

The other day, we received our newsletter from Children's Hope International (the adoption agency we are utilizing.) In it, they noted that the average length of time between families' LID and their referral (the moment when a specific child is selected for a family) is 15 months. After receiving the referral, families will travel to China within a few weeks, usually with a group of other adopting families. Therefore, we can expect to wait at least 18 months from now to bring our new baby home.

Those of you who know me well know that I am not an especially patient man, so you can imagine that this waiting game will be driving me crazy for the next year and a half. Confucious says, "Good things come to those who wait." Well, he may have said it.

Feed a Farmer, Not a Terrorist

You've already heard me sing the praises of using ethanol instead of oil in our vehicles. I've done more research on this topic than I did for any term paper I ever wrote in college. My conviction that bio-fuels are superior to fossil fuels is even stronger now than ever. Now, even NASCAR is considering "going green."http://sports.yahoo.com/nascar/news?slug=ap-nascar-goinggreen&prov=ap&type=lgns

1. Ethanol burns cleaner than petroleum. Carbon dioxide (which plants and trees absorb and in time release oxygen as a result) is a by-product of burning ethanol. Burning fossil fuels releases carbon monoxide (which can kill you within minutes and poisons the earth's atmosphere).

2. Ethanol can be made from renewable resources such as corn, grain, grass, sugar cane, wood, and various forms of waste. All of the oil on earth will be completely used up in no more than 50 years.

3. Ethanol gives cars more horsepower. E85 fuel (85% ethanol) burns at 105 octane compared to 89 octane for regular gas. Hotter burning fuel gives your engine more power and burns cleaner which keeps your engine running better in the long run.

4. Ethanol is less energy dense than gas, but technology is solving that. The fuel and oil additive used by the FlexTek company for their conversion kits for using ethanol literally plates the metal surfaces in your engine. This prevents wear, removes deposits, and increases compression which all contribute to making the vehicle run more efficiently. Ethanol vehicles get approximately 10 to 20% less mpg than conventional gas powered cars. A typical car that can reach 400 miles on a tank of gas will still go around 350 miles on a tank of ethanol. However...

5. Ethanol is cheaper than gas. In Mid-Missouri, Breaktime Convenience Stores offer e85 at about 40 cents per gallon less than regular gas. It is 60 cents per gallon less than premium gas (which only offers 93 octane compared to e85's 105 octane rating.) On a 16 gallon fill-up, you would save $6.40 compared to regular gas and $9.60 compared to premium. That's a savings of a couple hundred dollars per year. So, ethanol is about 20% cheaper than regular gas and is only 10 to 20% less efficient. Therefore, ethanol and gas cost about the same.

To sum it all up:

• When comparing fuel efficiency to price, ethanol and gasoline are about equal.
• When it comes to the environment, ethanol wins.
• When it comes to supporting the local economy, ethanol wins. Missouri farmers produce the feedstock for ethanol. They own co-ops that produce the ethanol. Purchasing ethanol gives a huge boost to our economy.
• Saudi Arabia (where most of the 9-11 hijackers came from), Venezuela (a state that has just given dictator-like powers to their socialist president), and Nigeria (a country in the midst of a civil war caused by savage inequalities generated by the oil industry) are three of our top five sources of crude oil. Iraq, Kuwait, and Russia are also high on the list (and are not exactly our closest allies). http://www.eia.doe.gov/pub/oil_gas/petroleum/data_publications/company_level_imports/current/import.html
• Canada and Mexico are the two other oil importers to the U.S. on the top five list. If we switch to an 85% ethanol 15% gasoline society, our North American allies would continue to provide the majority of our oil imports while eliminating the need to rely on countries than sponsor terrorists and the deprivation of liberty. We wouldn't have to go to war over oil interests. Let them have their dwindling supplies of oil. We won't need it. Independence from foreign oil will be as liberating as our independence from England was 230 years ago.

I have added links to various ethanol related sites to the right of this page. Check them out. I will have my flex fuel conversion installed on my car in the next few weeks. There is a link to their website explaining the science quite well. I believe that I may be the first person in Missouri to use this system. I plan on publicizing the transformation in an attempt to convince others to do the same. The entire country of Brazil has used this same conversion kit successfully for over ten years. Every filling station in their country offers e100 fuel. That's 100% ethanol! Somehow, the United States is no longer the bastion of independence and cutting edge technology that we thought we were. But, its not too late to change- yet.

Feed a farmer, not a terrorist. Go Green.