Career Advice Contest Winner

"THIS IS GOD SPEAKING TO YOU, QUIT SCHOOL AND BECOME A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER." This is the winning submission for my Career Advice Contest. Bill Herrin, my roommate in college, shouted this to the ROTC guys as they jogged past our dorm room at 6:00 in the morning everyday. Although I am not a golfer, and I am no longer in school, I will still award Bill with the delicious can of Spam (to match your T-Shirt). Good job, Bill.

Serenity Now!

Maybe I should study Zen or Yoga or just take longer naps. I don't know. I do know that I am wound way too tight lately for an unemployed man whose wife works two jobs while he stays home with the kid and does the housework. Oh, and did I mention she told me that I can stop shaving? In fact, she insisted. She actually likes my whiskers. How can I possibly be stressed? I'm living the dream, right? Maybe I stay at home too much. I do a lot of chores. I spend a lot of time vacuuming dog hair from every surface in the house. I spend a lot more time yelling at Alex to quit doing whatever the heck he's doing at the time that could get him hurt, killed or arrested. Socrates said that everything should be done in moderation. Every excess becomes a vice. Is it possible that I spend too much time at home with my four year old? Am I the opposite of a dead-beat dad? Can spending too much time with your kid be as bad as not spending enough time with him? All I know is that he and I seem to argue more often than we agree and that I get a little worked up by the end of the day. I think that I may even be a little hard for Bethany to come home to after a long hard day working at one of her six or seven jobs. So from now on I will endeavor to become more patient, more understanding, and less cranky than I have been lately. I will be a kinder, gentler Travis. I will think before I react. I will control my temper. I will appreciate how lucky I am. I will be happier. I will have "Serenity Now!" (Or insanity later.) Thank you Frank Costanza, Lloyd Braun, and Cosmo Kramer for inspiring me to make myself a better man.

The Return of "Barney MacNaughton"

A few years ago, Grant Barnes and myself started brewing our own beer. We did a pretty good job of it, too. The label was "Barney MacNaughton Beer". Grant later took the brewing supplies with him when he moved to Hannibal a couple of years ago, so the brewery closed down. Grant and Brenda (his lovely new bride) began making "B&B Winery" vintages with the supplies. Now, following their return to Columbia and with all that wedding stuff out of the way, Grant got the itch to brew some beer. After visiting with a supplier in Jeff City, Grant had an epiphany. We can bypass the time-consuming bottling process by putting our beer in kegs! Apparently, a five gallon keg kit is available at a reasonable price that we can purchase in order to bring our quality brew back to the faithful and thirsty patrons of our beer making enterprise. OK, so that basically is just Grant and me, but we do intend to distribute our forthcoming batches to the masses in the near future. We intend on having 5 to 10 gallons of delicious "Barney MacNaughton Beer" at the ready for each and every Mizzou home football game this season. That's right sports fans- tailgate season is just around the corner. Whether you desire to watch the actual games or not, plan now on attending our tailgate parties. I have a 1976 Chevrolet-one-ton-dually-truck that I personally painted black, adorned with Mizzou decals, door magnets, and various other black and gold regalia and is ready for us to throw a grill, chairs, a football, and a couple of kegs of home brew in the back. So, is it the new tailgate truck or what?! I'm giddy with excitement! Picured above are scenes from tailgates past with my original truck, a 1966 Chevy. (R.I.P.)

Joliet Jake Blues Medical Update

In case you didn't realize it, Joliet Jake is alive and well in Hartsburg MO. Those of you who know Jake will be happy to learn that he had a successful surgical procedure earlier today to restore his boyish good looks. He had a nasty looking growth on his eyelid, but with the help of modern medicine, he has been restored to the damn good looking dog that he once was. Look out ladies- the Jakester is back! He even has his own website! Check it out @ www.dogster.com/?140334.

Career Advice?

Alex will be going to school in a little over a year from now. I guess its time to start thinking about what I'm going to do with my life. I imagine most 33 year olds already know what they are going to do when they grow up. Not me. I am still waiting for inspiration. That's why I am announcing my new contest. Submit your ideas for the "What Travis Should Be If He Grows Up Contest" today. Suggestions will be accepted until July 31 at midnight. I will announce the winner on August 1 and I may even act on your career advice! Even if I choose not to take your advice, the winner will receive one delicious can of Spam wrapped up in a copy of my resume`. I can almost taste the possibilities!