Stop the MU Insanity!

Eight years ago, Mike Alden asked Missouri legend Jon Sundvold to be on the search committee for a new basketball coach after Norm Stewart "resigned." Sundvold recommended Illinois coach Bill Self. Alden declined to even interview Self, who later took the job at Kansas. We all know how that turned out. Instead, Alden hired Quin Snyder, who had no head coaching experience at any level. Nice decision, Mike.

Seven years and countless public relations nightmares later, Alden again asked Sudvold to be on the search committe for a new head coach. Sundvold recommended former Cincinati coach Bob Huggins and former Utah coach Rick Majerus. Both proven head coaches deserving of at least consideration despite Huggins' less than angelic image and Majerus' health issues. Alden flatly refused to interview either candidate and dismissed Sundvold and two others from the search committe. Instead, Alden hired Mike Anderson from the University of Alabama-Birmingham. Anderson may be a great fit at Mizzou. However, Alden once again alienated himself from the Mizzou family. Norm Stewart and Sundvold have now publicly expressed their displeasure with Alden's lack of leadership skills.

At the press conference that is scheduled to take place after the Curators meet today, Alden's fate will be revealed. In the ass-backwards world of Mizzou athletics, the athletic director could be fired a day after hiring a man for the school's highest profile position- head basketball coach. I hope Mike Anderson knows what a mess he's getting himself into. I wish him the best of luck in his new job. He'll need it. He may have the skills he needs to build a successful program, but the deck is stacked against him. He will be Missouri's first permanent African-American head coach in any sport. Predjudice and ignorance are still rampant in mid-Missouri in 2006. He was not on the list of candidates of the majority of the members of the search committee. The man who hired him against the advice of the very committee he appointed to aid the search could be fired today, leaving Anderson in an impossible situation.

Did Alden know that it would make it harder for the Curators to fire him if he hurriedly hired a new coach? Did he know that if he were to be fired soon after hiring Anderson, the new coach would likely reconsider taking the job, thus causing the University more turmoil? Did he know that hiring a black coach would appeal to system president Elson Floyd who is also black? Did he think that would make him look good in his boss's eyes? These are conspiracy theories with no facts or evidence to support them. However, has Alden done anything up to this point to make us think differently? No. Reports say that 8 of the 9 curators are in favor of firing Alden. Is it too late? We'll find out this afternoon.

This stuff is better than a soap opera.

Green with Envy

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, the color green is the theme of today's post.

First, I have to brag about Alex. He passed his kindergarten screening yesterday with an overall score of 99%! He was focused, cooperative, and in good humor. At one point the screener gave him a few wooden blocks and instructed him on how to arrange them. A few seconds later she looked up from writing a note on her score sheet and was surprised to see that he was already done. "Wow, Alex! You are working so fast!" she said.

"That's because I drank coffee today," Alex answered matter of factly. (For breakfast, his Mama gave him a drop of coffee in a cup full of milk.) Needless to say, he had the room in stitches the rest of the time he was there. Since my kid is smart and funny, I figure that some parents will be green with envy.

In the NCAA tournament pool that a few friends and I are competing in, I am in first place following the first day of action. I assume that as much as they would hate to admit it, they too are green with envy.

The United States has been eliminated from the inaugural World Baseball Classic in a shocking upset. The country that invented the sport has to admit that they no longer dominate it. I guess they will be green with envy as they watch the remaining teams battle it out for the championship.

Tonight, Bethany and I will paint the town green with Grant and Brenda as we celebrate the Naughton and Barnes families' Irish heritage. It will not be a long night of debauchery this year because Grant has a test tomorrow morning at 8:00. I guess he doesn't want to be green around the gills when he shows up for class.

That's it. Wear something green today and remember that we're all Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Some of us are just more full of blarney that the rest.

March Madness

What a great time to be alive! In addition to the NCAA basketball tournament, the first World Baseball Classic, Nascar, and golf are all underway. In case you haven't seen them play, check out the Dominican Republic baseball team. Every player is a Major Leaguer and most are all-stars. It could be the best roster ever assembled in baseball history. (Our favorite Cardinal Albert Pujols is on the team.)

The grass in our yard is turning green. Between the goats' overgrazing, the dogs' overurinating, and a year long drought, it was looking pretty bad. I may even need to buy a lawnmower! I bought 10 bales of alfalfa hay to feed the goats so that the yard can fully recover and I can finally seed the thin spots. If only Grant, Roger, and Blake could re-seed the thin spots.

Speaking of green, Friday is St. Patrick's Day. Yes, I will be consuming some green beer, wearing some green underwear, and spewing a boat load of blarney to anyone who will listen. I guess that isn't much different than what I do on any other day. (I wrote an Irish Manifesto on Paul's Blog last week for those of you who wish to be enlightened.)

Tonight, we are taking home the latest addition to our family: a mini-van. We are buying a 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan. It is one of the cleanest used vehicles I have ever seen in my life. Bethany will be happy, and we can finally fit Alex, the dogs, any extra passengers, and our luggage in one vehicle for weekend getaways. In fact, we will be travelling (sans dogs) to Disney World in the van this summer. It should be an interesting trip. Why do I see visions of Chevy Chase and Christie Brinkley whenever I think of family road trips?

March is indeed a time of Madness. Then again, its just another page on the calendar in my fantasy world. It's all part of The Travis Naughton Experience.

Blogging for You, America

Apple pie. Mom. Chevrolet. Coca-Cola. The Travis Naughton Experience. These are the icons of Americana. There are certain symbols in our country that evoke feelings of familiarity, security, and dependibility. This blog is no exception. Educators, interior design consultants, medical professionals, employees of non-profit organizations, comedians, quality assurance specialists, and unemployed philosophers have come to depend on The Travis Naughton Experience for their daily "taste of unreality". Finding its place in the world of "Newsiness" somewhere between the NBC Nightly News and Comedy Central's the Daily Show, more Americans get their "Newsertainment" from blogs like mine than from any other source. It was reported recently that 98% of internet users who know someone who has his/her own blog and who read the blog daily live up to 20 years longer than people who either don't read a blog regularly or who chain smoke while drinking grain alcohol with every meal. According to a recent university study, blogs are replacing newspaper subscriptions and cable news networks as Americans' primary source for news. In fact, Dan Rather, Walter Cronkite, Ted Koppel, Tom Brokaw, and Katie Couric have all admitted retiring from news reporting in order to devote more time to reading blogs (specifically mine). Wolf Blitzer of CNN said, "Bloggers like Travis Naughton are changing the way news is reported and may in fact redefine what news is."

There you have it folks. You can count on me to bring you fair and balanced reporting that isn't restricted by the confines of truth or facts. My reality is what I make it, and I invite you to join in the fantasy world from which I will be newsishly reporting. Don't forget to forward the link to this blog to everyone you know. America needs an alternate reality right about now.

The "Talk"

How old should your child be when he or she forces you to have "The Talk"? Ideally, they will wait until after they're married to talk to you about sex, but realistically it will probably come up in their early teens. Right? Well, today my five year old son asked me the dreaded question; "How do people mate?"

He has seen animals mating on nature shows, but didn't understand the "ins and outs" so to speak. Today he heard something on the news about people having sex in a parking lot and he said, "That's disgusting!" I asked him what he thought was disgusting and he said "sex." I asked him if he knew what sex was and he said "no."

Naturally I told him that I would tell him some other time. He wanted no part of that. "Tell me now, Daddy." I told him he wasn't old enough to understand it. He insisted that he was and wouldn't drop it, no matter how much I wished he would. I said that sex was the same as mating. He already knew that animals mate to make babies so thinking that he had accepted my explanation, I felt that I had dodged a bullet. "How do peope mate?" he asked. That stopped me in my tracks. I didn't think this would come up for a couple more years. I was not prepared.

"You know that men and women have different private parts, right?"

"Yes."

"Those parts are made to fit together when people mate."

"Oh."

"People have sex to mate or also because it makes them feel good."

"Oh."

"And since it is with their 'privates', you shouldn't talk about it with anybody but me and Mommy. 'Privates' means..."

"That it's private," Alex said knowingly. He offered a sheepish grin and a look of complete understanding. I felt relieved and terrified at the same time. He went back to playing with his toys and I bought a six pack of beer.

And he's not even in kindergarten yet. Wait'll they get a load of him! Wait'll...