This weekend the town of Hartsburg, MO will play host to my good friend Grant Barnes' First Annual Bachelor Party. That's right- a weekend filled with gratifying community service and philanthropy mixed with some good old fashioned prayer and Bible reading. Grant's fiance Brenda has approved (without her knowledge) the itinerary for the celebration. Friday evening Bill Herrin, Doug Hurt, Eric Durr, John Briscoe, and myself will be attending a support group meeting for men who are either married, about to be married, or know a man who is married. Items on the evening's agenda include giving lots of hugs, crying lots of tears, and watching lots of chic flicks on Lifetime Television. The evening will conclude with Bill Herrin (the Best Man) conducting a clinic on the dangers of "traditional bachelor party activities" so that we will know what to avoid.
The sunshine of Saturday morning will offer, along with a few fleeting moments to reflect upon how fortunate we married men are, an opportunity to sing the praises of marriage to whomever will listen while we golf at Eagle Knoll Golf Course. This Golf Digest 5-Star rated course will be the perfect venue for spreading good cheer to all those who feel blessed to be alive like us at 7-freakin'-thirty in the morning. Did I mention that we will be trying to recover from the all-night shuffleboard and beer drinking tournament at Grant's house Friday night?! Did I mention Bill Herrin will be there?! Come on people- wake the hell up! Golf at 7:30 in the morning after that?! How in the world are we supposed to survive 'till the end of 18 freakin' holes of golf much less make it 'till the "mimes, jugglers, and clowns" show up at my house that night?! I don't suppose anyone thought to cancel the 16 gallon keg that I ordered because by then Eric Durr will have had his underwear on his head long enough for everyone to sober up and swear to quit drinking or poke out their eyeballs-whichever is less painful! Who's idea was this anyway?! Grant Barnes- this is your fault. You need to take a long look in the mirror my friend. You need to ask yourself if this is all worth it. Eric Durr naked? Come on- you should have eloped.
2 comments:
It is late in the morning, about 4:20 am. Everyone is a sleep, or at another bar without shuffleboards. I have free reign (what no spell check?) of the computer. The metric system is a tool of the devil. Visit http://www.bilherrin.com/for more details. KILL WHITEY!!! Dvorak RUles.
Sounds like you guys are going to have lots of fun. Tell everyone I said hi and don't play with sharps.
Post a Comment