The Big Bang Theory

The convergence of life-changing events taking place in my life right now is starting to weigh deeply on my psyche. We all have a few stresses to deal with. That's a part of life. Here's what's happening with me right now- all at the same time:

1. We are flying to China in one week to adopt a son. I don't do well in crowds, so I thought I would confront that fear by travelling to the most populated place in the known universe. Oh, and they don't speak 'Merican.

2. #1 is worth repeating, "...to adopt a son." I'm gonna be a dad again. This time to a two year old orphan who was literally dumped in the street by his biological family just days after he was born. He will not understand a word I am saying to him. He will wonder who these pale people are who are forcing him to sit in an airplane seat for 20 hours. He will wonder "where the hell am I?" when he sees Missouri for the first time. I hope he will accept me. I hope he will love me.

3. I am worried about my mom. She will be on her own for part of the time that we're in China. Blake will be with her part of the time, too. She is in constant pain and struggles to eat. She gets irritated with me for force-feeding her high-calorie milkshakes and for imitating Nurse Ratchett when it comes to taking her medicine. Cancer sucks.

4. We as a family are getting by on one vehicle. This wouldn't be such a big deal except that we live in Hartsburg, Bethany works in Jeff City, Alex goes to school in Ashland, and Mom lives in Columbia. Today is a perfect example. This morning, I dropped Alex off at the bus stop and drove Bethany to meet a friend who volunteered to drive her the rest of the way to work. This afternoon I will drive to Columbia to take Mom to a doctor appointment. Then I'll drive back to Ashland to pick Alex up at school. Then we'll drive home until Bethany calls for a ride. Then we'll drive back to Ashland to pick her up where her friend drops her off. Then we'll drive home.

5. I am trying to get my truck fixed so we can have two vehicles. A guy in Harrisburg has a motor and tranny for it and will haul the truck to his place to work on it. He was supposed to pick it up Monday, but now won't be here till Thursday or Friday. Then he said it would take a week or so to get it back to me. We'll be on a plane to China by then!

6. The election. As you know, I am a supporter of Barack Obama. I share my reasons with people so that they know where I stand and I try not to smear the other candidate or his followers. However, the negativity that the McCain camp is spewing forth and the negative responses from some friends and family have really disturbed me. This is the most important election in decades- possibly in American History. And it is wearing me down. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but with all the other stress in my life, it just fuels the fire of anxiety in me.

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! As you can see, with the gravity of all of this stress concentrating on me all at once, it feels like a huge release is building up. An explosion. The Big Bang. All I know is that when we get home on November 15th, I hope that the Universe chills out for a while. I hope that when the dust settles I have a healthy, happy new son who loves me. I hope my mom starts feeling better. I hope my truck runs. I hope Barack Obama will be able to heal the wounds of division and hatred that have opened up in this country. I hope that the dust settles- period.

Alright, I'm done whining. I don't want pity or anything. I just needed to vent before the lava dome blew out like Mt St. Helens. Peace, homies.