Kindergarten Comedy Club

"How's Alex enjoying Kindergarten?" many of you have asked. I believe I can sum it up very simply for you. On Monday, the bus driver had to pull over and stop the vehicle in order to get Alex to cease running up and down the ailse with his Spiderman underwear on his head. He had extra clothes packed in his backpack and thought it would be funny to put on a show for his new friends on the bus. He said the kids thought it was funny. I bet they did.

Less than a week into school and he's already figured out how to work a crowd for laughs. I guess he's not the milkman's kid afterall.

You can imagine how proud I am.

Tailgate Update

I called the owner of the 1966 Chevy that I hoped would be the new tailgate truck and he said that he bought it from a friend a year ago to help his buddy raise some funds for an extended trip to Florida to take care of his sick mother. The buddy made him promise to never sell it since it had been in his family since it was new. Now the guy is moving back to Missouri (his mother died) and he wants his old truck back. Have you ever heard a more pathetic story? Doesn't he realize that we needed that truck?! He couldn't love it as much as we would have. It will probably rot in his yard, never knowing the joy of providing a party spot for dozens of college football fans.

So now I must look elsewhere for the next party wagon. The stock options deal still stands- should I ever find a suitable truck. I just can't tailgate out of the back of a minivan. It wouldn't be right. I think its against the law. At least it should be.

Help me find a truck. Keep your eyes, minds, and wallets open. It takes more than a fleeting glimpse to see the beauty within something over thirty years old. (I'm referring to trucks, not myself.)

The picture is another '66 Chevy after a little sprucing up. That's the beauty that I saw in the rust bucket.

Deal Sweetener

In addition to receiving a valuable and beautiful certificate of ownership of the Tailgatin' Truck on which a watermark depicting a scene from a tailgate party that took place a few years ago attended by Grant Barnes, John Briscoe, Bill Herrin, a couple of State Troopers, and many others, I will provide at no cost to the shareholders ice cold beer at every home football game that I am able to attend. (Shareholders with battle tested livers are encouraged to bring a buffer.)

Partial ownership of a bitchin' tailgatin' truck AND frothy beverages all for $25?! That's too good to pass up.

Tailgating Incorporated

$2500. That is how much the guy who currently owns what will soon be the newest tailgting truck wants for his vehicle. It is a 1966 Chevrolet half-ton, four wheel drive. It is a little rusty and still sports its original orange paint, but it has potential. He's asking about twice what the truck's worth, so I need to talk him down a little before I can drive it home. I might get him to sell it for $1800 or so. It needs a new set of tires. Plus the truck will need to have some body work done and be painted black in order to measure up to my tailgating standards. So here's the breakdown:

Sale price- $1800
Tires- $400
Paint & putty- $500
Tax & license- $100
Grand total- $2800

I think I can come with about $1500 or so. (I just sold "Old '76" at the auction yesterday for a whopping $500! Of course a digit was wrong on the VIN # on the title, so until it can be straightend out by the highway patrol and the state, I'll see none of the money.) This brings me to my plan. My mama inspired me when she asked everyone who's ever tailgated with us to chip in to buy a new truck. I thought, "Why not issue stock and have shareholders in the new truck?" So here it is. I will issue you one stock certificate for every $25 you contribute. There will only be 100 shares of stock issued worth a total of $2500. I will be the majority owner with 51 shares while issuing 49 shares to the public. 49 shares @ $25 each will raise $1225 for the purchase and partial restoration of the truck. In the unlikely event that the truck is ever sold, the proceeds will be divided among the shareholders in direct proportion to the amount of shares each person owns. (I will receive 51% of the money for my 51 shares, etc.)

This is my plan. There are 49 opportunities available to you to own a part of Travis's Tailgating Truck #4, Inc. You may purchase as many shares as you like until they are gone. So act now. Supplies are limited. Please email me : dacoynol@yahoo.com to order your shares. They will be issued on a first come-first serve basis, so don't delay.

Tailgating Truck # 4?

I've thrown enough money at my present Tiger Truck. After investing nearly $3000 over the year and a half I've owned it, the transmission is going out, the rebuilt brakes are failing, it won't stay in park, and only 4 of the 6 tires hold air. I have decided that artificially prolonging the life of this once proud truck is no longer in anyone's best interests. I hope to sell the truck for someone's project in order to acquire some seed money for a new tailgatin' truck project. But first, a brief history of my former trucks.

I have owned three tailgaters so far and I have fond memories of each. The first was a red and white 1978 Chevy 4x4 that pulled a trailor with a Chevy Corsica on it from here to Muncie, Indiana after Bethany and I graduated. After pulling two tons for over 1000 miles, I checked the truck out. No oil registered on the dipstick. No coolant was visible in the radiator. A bird's nest completely blocked the air intake hose. This glorious machine pulled a car cross-country with no oil, water, or air. Wow. And it made the move back to Missouri and served admirably at a few tailgate parties before I foolishly traded it away for a Pontiac Sunturd convertable. I miss that truck.

The next beauty was a former hog-haulling 1966 Chevy 1-ton dually. When Bethany first saw it she said, "Well, as long as you like it..." It had a flat bed complete with a set of steel stock panels that weighed well over 1000 pounds. Grant accompanied me when I bought it and he rightfully questioned my choice. It was only when I painted the beast black and gold (and with Grant's help removed the stock panels) that he realized the true tailgating potential the old sow had in her. Many of you remember the numerous tailgate parties that were hosted by that antique beauty. After a guy did some work on my '57 Chevy Bel Air, I traded the truck to him in exchange for his services. As I delivered it to the drop point, the engine blew, and oil rained down from under the hood. I am sure she was mad that I was parting ways with her. I miss that truck.

The third tailgater is a 1976 Chevy 1- ton dually. The truck was red when I bought it at an auction during my unsuccessful stint as a used car dealer. The initial $1300 was a fair price. Too bad I spent another $1300 fixing the brakes (which later failed), electrical, suspension, etc. But my flat-black paint job gave it an air of toughness that parallelled that of the Football Tigers in their home uniforms. I limped the slipping tranny through most of the past football season, only to be sidelined by two flat tires on the morning of the last game. It has sat in my driveway ever since. It makes me sad. I won't miss that truck.

Facing the prospect of not having a tailgatin' truck for the coming football season, I inquired today about a mid 1960's Chevy that was for sale a while ago. It didn't sell and the owner has continued to drive it regularly. I left him a note expressing my interest in his vehicle. The truck is very original, has four wheel drive, a step side bed, and is begging for a black and gold paint job and an opportunity to prove itself as the next and hopefully best tailgating truck of them all. I hope that selling "Old '76" will help fund the purchase of this new prospect and ensure that the Naughtons and their damned old trucks will continue to host tailgating parties at Ol' Mizzou for years to come.

Wish me luck.

Send money.

And black spray paint.