Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most

That was the title of a tune I played in high school jazz band. It is a beautiful yet melancholy piece that is emotionally very powerful. It could be the theme music of the past few days for me. I interviewed for a real job (I guess its time to be a grown up). I spent hours exploring the beauty of the springtime woods with Alex (we spotted a pair of rare Pileated Woodpeckers, heard wild turkeys, found fresh deer tracks and captured and released a box turtle). Alex went to the dentist (no cavities, but he has his first loose tooth). And last but not least, Alex spent a morning in a real kindergarten class on Tuesday.

We packed his Spiderman backpack with pencils, crayons, and markers (even though he didn't need them). I also included a change of clothes and his address and our phone numbers just in case. He got ready for school without a fuss and was less nervous than me on the drive there. When we arrived at his school, I walked him down the hall to his classroom where we met his teacher, Mrs. Garriot. I introduced him to her and before I could say "have fun" or "don't be scared" he cheerily marched right into the room. I offered a feeble "be a good listener" knowing full well he wasn't even listening to me. And that was that. I meandered down the hall and out the door- utterly alone. I put on a brave face for the school crossing guard as I made my way back to the car. My baby was officially a big kid now, and I wondered how he got to be that way.

I returned to pick him up a few hours later. He was sitting quietly at a table, keeping himself busy when I entered the classroom. Mrs. Garriot and about half the kids yelled, "Alex, your dad is here!" As I walked over to greet him he smiled at me with a look of pride and joy. I tried to convince myself that he was as happy to see me as he was to be in that room. His teacher said he did great all morning. He raised his hand when she asked the kids questions. He participated in every activity. He even joined in an assembly where the kids sang silly songs. In short, he handled his day of kindergarten a lot better than I did. He wasn't shy or timid or scared at all. All morning long I was scared. Hell, I've been scared for days. My fear wasn't how well he would adapt to kindergarten, but how well I would adapt to him not needing me quite as much. I don't know if parents ever get used to that feeling. When Alex goes to school for real, I am sure that I will be a basket case. Oh sure, I live a dream life right now with the not working and getting to do pretty much whatever I want. But in a few months, my fantasy world will crumble around me. Its been over three years since my occupation went from 40+ hour weeks working for "The Man" to 168 hour weeks working for "The Little Man". Words can't express how much these past few years (and days) have meant to me. When was the last time you got to be a pirate captain battling it out in a pirate ship (the playground equipment at the Ashland city park) with your five year old first mate, or an explorer on the trail of a new species in the middle of the jungle (our woods) with your favorite guide? Or watch a kid hit a real baseball (that you threw overhanded) with a real bat that you can't believe he is big enough to swing? I got to do all that stuff this week. I get to do that kind of stuff every day. For a little while longer, anyway. Can you blame me for not wanting it to come to an end?

Spring (and being a parent) can really hang you up the most.