Washington D.C. (AP)- In his annual Groundhog Day address Thursday evening (an event most Americans missed because they were watching The O.C.) President Bush identified "red-blooded 'Mercans" as the biggest threat to the United States. "In a capitalist society, there is nothing that is free. Therefore we must do everything we can to stop the radical elements in this country who believe in the right to free speech." The President went on to say that people who have lost sons in Iraq do not have a right to wear an anti-war t-shirt to the State of the Union Address, even if they had an official invitation from a member of Congress to attend. He also said reporters who refused to reveal their sources for stories about CIA operatives (sources that were from inside the Administration) should be sent to prison. Concerned that Donald Rumsfeld's feelings were hurt, the President condemned the Washington Post for printing an anti-war political cartoon depicting Rummy as insensitive to the plight of American troops being butchered in the streets of Baghdad. "Cartoonists anywhere are a threat to freedom everywhere."
"It's the fault of the 'Liberal Media' that we are perceived as losing this war against terror today," the President continued. "If we could make Fox News the official news media outlet in this country, we could make all Americans agree with our policies and believe whatever Karl Rove wants them believe. In a society where the media is free to print stories about illegal wire tapping, no one is free. The terrorists will know that we're listening to them and they'll stop using the phone. Then how will we know what they're doing? The solution is to stop investigative jounalism, before it gets us all killed." Republican members of Congress stood and applauded the President 84 times during his address last evening, a new record for a speech with only 87 words. "The American people have spoken by electing this Congress. This Congress has spoken by agreeing unconditionally with whatever the President says. Therefore the American people support the President's policies 100%," Vice-President Dick Cheney proclaimed.
"I have a dream today," the President concluded, "That one day our children will be judged not by the content of their character, but by whether or not they speak out against their government. I have a dream! I have a dream that all Americans: Methodists and Baptists, Texans and Caucasions will live side by side in perfect harmony. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day Liberal dissenters will go the way of the terrorists that they support. I have a dream! A dream that one day we can all say that without the exercise of free speech we will all be Free at Last! Free at Last! Thank God and Donald Rumsfeld we are Free at Last!
6 comments:
I have to quote "In a capitalist society, there is nothing that is free. Therefore we must do everything we can to stop the radical elements in this country who believe in the right to free speech." It seems scary that the head of our government would say something like this, our freedoms are what differentiate us from other radical countries, take for instance Iraq under the leadership of Saddam Hussein. Next quote: "It's the fault of the 'Liberal Media' that we are perceived as losing this war against terror today," the President continued. "If we could make Fox News the official news media outlet in this country, we could make all Americans agree with our policies and believe whatever Karl Rove wants them believe. In a society where the media is free to print stories about illegal wire tapping, no one is free. The terrorists will know that we're listening to them and they'll stop using the phone. Then how will we know what they're doing? The solution is to stop investigative jounalism, before it gets us all killed." The day that Fox News is the only source of news that I receive will be the day I leave. This reminds me of The Russian newspaper Pravda during the Soviet Union. If investigative reporting is curtailed, then how would we keep our government from abusing its citizens liberties? I think that journalists should really keep in mind that they do have a responsibility to our national security and to think before they publish. Final quote: "I have a dream that one day Liberal dissenters will go the way of the terrorists that they support."
How dare he say such a thing! To say that Liberal's are supporting terrorists. It sounds like something a far right politician would say. I am a liberal and I served in the Armed Forces. That just pisses me off!
Umm, anonymous, this would be, ummm parody.
I'm sure W would say this if he thought could get away with it though.
I, too, am a libearl who served in the Armed Forces. They piss me off too.
I missed the Groundhog Day Address as well. I was watching "My Name is Earl."
OMG, I laughed out loud, and that was because of anonymous's comments....but I loved the perfectly placed quotes throughout your piece...keep up the good work, I love to laugh!!!!!!!!
Anonymous- I love ya! Like Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, I too can report the "fake news" and get some people stirred up while making other people laugh. Thanks for the assist. Maybe you could be my sidekick when I get my own TV show!
I loved the post and then about lost it when I read anonymous' reply. I am so glad that your little brother recommended your blog!
Hey, that would be something eh? I would have to quit my day job though. One two knock out punch... you could call me the angry liberal.
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